appreciate myself

last year i went into a spiraling depression caused by my hatred of this world and country and its evils and a suicidal friend (J.P.) that just reminded me of the worst.

back then i would expect the worst in order to never be dissapointed. that, my friends is what pessimism really is. it sounds great but it just keeps you looking down. you always gotta look up every once in awhile and enjoy the beauty around you.

i lost the ability to be grateful for what i had and who i was. a friend (Don) asked me among many other questions, “do you like who you are?” i didn’t answer straight. i said i like my personality and would befriend someone with a similar personality, but i wish i was living someone else’s life. he didn’t think that made any sense. i explained that i would rather be someone i hate: an ignorant, selfish, typical christian nationalist american asshole, who knew nothing about our state of world, screwed up priorities and doomed future. ignorance is bliss. i simply hated the burden of my knowledge. there were horrible things i knew about but couldnt change. and most people didn’t even notice. it made me hate the world.

eventually i understood that even more important than being fully aware of all the strife in the world… even more important than being the opposite of the typical ignorant assholes that i saw every day…. was my own happiness. i decided that it was ok to stop worrying about the condition of the world if only to save myself from depression…which is just plain unhealthy.

then i realized i needed to appreciate WHO I AM in order to be happy. don told me to stop and think every once in a while. just to sit and be glad for the person that i am. he believes that a am truly a good friend.

and so, here i am, on a website expressing my feelings and goals…

for the world?

no.

for me.

one day i hope to achieve them.

I have been working a lot lately and doing something every weekend. I worked a graveyard shift last weekend and my sleep patterns are off.I feel really drained. I need to not work so much and take some time for myself. Just stay at home and relax and rejuvinate. I want to be more social but I also have to remember to listen to my body and take care of myself. If that means doing nothing for a day than I will learn how to say no and not feel bad about that.

I have been working on appreciating and accepting myself and what I am learning is that when you accept yourself you actually become the person you always wanted to be. I have tried so hard for so long to “be someone” and now I realize all I have to do is accept myself as I am and the things I want to do become easier. They actually start showing up in your life. I think you just have to quit fighting yourself. You are doing nothing but getting in your own way

Everytime I have done this in the past I always start to beat myself up because I did not make it to the gym X times or I think why bother it is really not going to help,or I can’t do this with all the pretty people with 0% body fat around. This time I just think of it as pampering myself. I tell myself that my body appreciates being moved and stretched. It helps that I have joined an all womens gym and there is no pressure to buy this or buy that. I can just go there and enjoy myself. Yes I actually do enjoy myself. This also helps me with my other goal of becoming more social as we are all in a circle and we talk to each other.

Appreciating yourself, liking yourself, taking care of yourself all lead to better self esteem. Some days it’s really hard to find something that you like or appreciate about yourself. That’s the time to step back and really take care of yourself. Treat yourself kindly then you will start to notice all the great things about yourself instead of focusing on the negatives you think you have.

I decided to write this goal down because by the time I did it I really wanted to live a new life, respecting myself more and doing only good things to me. Now as I’m doing this and learning each day how can I do more for it I only think how I couldn’t do this before! Life has another meaning when we respect ourselves!

XD

I’ve been spending it on here looking at everyone else’s goals. I really enjoy this site. It has such a positive energy. I appreciate everyone’s support. Sometimes I think to myself that I need to quit blogging and get out there and do some of these things. The funniest part… the tab on my browser reads “lifeisnottobewasted on 43 Things” That’s a true statement. I’d better get to it. Haha.

It doesn’t matter how much they care, loved ones can never fully appreciate you if you can’t appreciate yourself. I’m making this a priority from today onward.

i need to believe that i appreciate myself. on the surface i know damn well that im a fuckin appreciable person but i start doubting myself and das is NIET GUD!
small steps: for example, i appreciate myself for listing out all my goals and signgin up on this website. the first step in solving problems is realizing you have them.
so if i take time to appreciate myself once in the morning and then again at night…