Sort out that job issue

stomach is aching with anguish. I spent the week-end in Grenoble, skiing with my brother and seeing the few friends I’ve got there. And once again the questions about “how would it be to live there ?” came back. So yesterday I took the job offer I had seen one month ago, and answered it, thinking “we’ll see”... But they called me back this morning and gave me an appointement for… this friday.

Oh my.

under this goal.

First, I’m done with the bilan de compétences, since late august. I ended with a re-done CV, and three pages, of my hand, of arguments about why I can be a great project manager -which is, in fact, what I used to do and loved to. It only confirmed me that this is what I like to do, and can do great. I slightly regret this work didn’t really open me news windows I wouldn’t have thought about, but the consultant told me that I seemed to like the career I was engaged in, and to be at the right place, so why search for something else ? Well, he’s probably quite right.

Then, at the beginning of september, I went and spent two weeks in an organic farm in Ardèche (a far-away-from-any-city part of France). Living in a farm is one of my, erm, phantasms, let’s say. I came back with the idea that well, it’s great, but tough, there’s no cultural life, and maybe what I should do is work hard enough to earn some money and go there one day, may be, but with money to live…

So, here I am. Waiting for the energy I need to search for a job to arise. I spent a lot of time on Viaduc and it actually works ! A recruiter found me there and called me today, at work, in order to propose me a job that, well, might look quite interesting ! I’m planning to call her back and meet her, well, next week should do !

And then, I also found out today that my dream job is being created… At the place where I used to work. At the place where I met the guy that I most loved, and that most made me suffer. Well, the man doesn’t really work there anymore, and I just love the place and the project… But still, last time I went there, it took me four hour before I stopped crying.

The dilemna sucks, it really does. I’m a bit of a mess tonight (well, I was. I’m much better since I stayed in zazen for one hour).

But things are moving, stuff are happening… And being brought back to that memory is something I needed, I don’t know yet in which way but I feel something constructive might come out of it.

Paola, here are some news about the bilan de compétences. The first three sessions were spent talking a lot about my personality, with the aim of understanding how I work, what I need, how I deal with (personal and) profesional relationships, etc. It was a bit like what you do with a shrink, exept that the purpose was not to “heal”, only to understand (we sometimes searched for explanations, but only making hypothesis : if I react like that to this kind of event, it might be because…).

This part was very interesting, but after a while I felt like I needed to link it more with profesional questions. So we really started with the competencies, listing them. And then it just became clear that what I can and like to be is a Chef de projet (Project manager), and that the other job ideas I was thinking about (landscape designer, or “working in the environment”) should be skills I could add, staying a project manager (I hope I’m clear, but wonder if I am).

So here we are, we still have two sessions to go, at the end of august. What I’m now doing is listing the arguments I have to say I can be a good project manager, and searching how I can get classes in landscape design and environment. I like to do that.

In the meantime, this job is already having effects : speaking to my boss was the first one, managing L is another one.

And, this must be serendipity, two recruitment agencies called me, one of which I have a appointment with at the end of august.

I think this goal is going great :)

My boss engaged someone for three months. In order to make a job which is totally useless, in my opinion. I learnt that two days ago, by the assistant. The girl is arriving on monday…

When I told my boos it was not cool, he could have told the team, and so on, he found the report of a meeting in april (!) in which it’s written that he would engage someone…

Grrrr. First, I re-read my notes, and am almost sure we didn’t really talk about that during the meeting. I believe he decided it right after the meeting, and then wrote it down. Second, even if we have, the f* meeting took place in april. He didn’t say anything since then. And we’re pretending we’re a team.

I hate him…

next week. The guy sent me a few documents I have to work on. I’m supposed, among other similar stuff, to tell my life in… three pages. I didn’t know it would be this personal, from the beginning !

a disaster. When explaining his technique, he mostly says he “respects what the law says”.

Decision ^almost taken.

so far in order to choose someone to do my Bilan de compétences with. The first one was very “profesionnal”, I mean he was very interested in what I can do, what is realistic, how to choose a school if I want to go back to studying, etc., and not very much about who I am and what I want to do. Lots of tests, and only tests, in order to have an idea of who I am.

The second one was very, very different. Much more focused on who I am, on what moves me. Plus, in one hour, he seemed to really get a lot of things about me, and was able to send me back a few very weel seen stuff. He doesn’t use any test, because he says tests ask the same question to everybody, which may not be at all the good question for one particular person. He said for instance I could do all the test I want, none of them is going to see the most important thing I told him about what I want to do : be usefull.

I really liked that second one. Now, I don’t know, do I take him or do I meet other ones, which will lead me after my holidays ?

about the having-to-come-to-work-everyday issue. I don’t have much to do (have to admit something : the team I work in only exists in order to justify my boss’boss own importance. But we have very few things to do…), but I’m not even doing this not much. I juste stay here, surfing on the internet, giving a few private phone call, and still have stuff I should have done at the end of the day.

Decision : two hours a day, I switch the internet off and do nothing personal. And try to do what I have to do about the job, in order to have my head free for the rest of the day.

And today’s two hours are starting right now. See you, people.

I’m back. It has been better for 6 months. But one cannot find motivation on one’s own for much longer… My boss never cares about what I do, exept for a few things she expects from me. I can stay in my office for weeks (or out of my office, as long as they don’t know about it) without doing anything, they just don’t care. And no, I’m not exagerating.

Of course, it’s convenient. Leaves me a lot of free time to do other stuff. But it can’t last forever.

Problem is, I don’t really know what I want to do next. Do I want to stay in Paris or leave ? Go on with the same kind of job or totally change ?

I was totally down yesterday, when Z. came and told me I could do a bilan de compétences for free, without my boss knowing it… I just didn’t know that. I just called, they’re sending me the form.

Wow. I’m breathing. At least I’m searching for a solution.