start living not just existing

This goal is not possible.
I turn 22 in less than a week.
I don’t really have an idea of being in a true balanced friendship not based around problems or sustained for several years.

I will be spending my birthday and then graduation alone.

Classes start next week. I’ve done little that furthers me along this vague goal.

My winter break’s nearing a close and I’ve accomplished very little. I’m not sure exactly what steps to take from here as amorphous goals are hard for me to structure.

Here’s to perpetually unaccomplished resolutions.

Well all I do is work, I do nothing else but work, either at home my first job or my second job, I feel as if this is not living only existing, I want to go do things but my man works out of town and I only see him 2 times a month I want to go dancing, flying new things, I always thought him and I would do these things but thats a laugh and a half, he comes home and all he wants to do is watch tv, how do I break my dreaded just existing life.

For awhile now, I’ve had this horrible addiction to the radio. This became mostly a problem the two years when I commuted to school and would have uninterrupted access. Dallying before class scrolling to preselected songs sometimes grew to periods of time long enough for me to walk the mile or two across campus.

Radio became a way for me to pump myself into motivation, to anesthetize, to avoid thinking thoughts that couldn’t express my sorrow and disappointments, to displace myself from my own conflicts and struggles into another temporary space where the impossible distance of future goals seemed attainable.

Surprisingly, this zenlike philosopher krishnamurthi, whose work I’ve skimmed through for awhile, has an “essay” on the radio itself. Not tv, not idleness. But radio. Going one step beyond my dicey reflections on my guilty enjoyment, he talked of how radio becomes an escape from experience, an indulgence in sensation.

ah…to be continued…

i dont know but i heat life & i hear my self
& i can`t do any thing about it

Since February I knew that I wanted to change a lot of things with me and my life, It took a little while of course, but Finally today I get to see the difference, it’s all about thinking and making the right choices, being helped by friends and family why not?, we’re nothing without them…
See-Think-analise- but the most important ACT, do something WITH you FOR you, cause nobody else will..
go outside, see the WORLD and start living it!
hell yeah!

lu.

I just did this no more than 2 days ago. All you have to do is stick to two rules. Rule #1 is to do what you want to do, and make no excuses to it. Rule #2 make sure that what you do does not interfere with anyone else’s life. The rest of the rules are up to you to decide!

I have found the answer, The reasons why I am here. God had created us and has plan for us….Its all make senses to me now!!

I just had a really good day. Perhaps positive thinking goes a long way. I feel like things are finally moving. Instead of thinking about all the trouble in my life and in the world, I think about what I can do to solve or help them.. and work towards doing it.