heartbreak

My whole life has been full of promises that are never kept. I’m tired of them. Promises are starting to mean nothing to me any more. And I’m tired of relying on others. I just wish that I could have my life back. To have the things back that so many have taken away from me. My childhood, my faith, my hope, my trust in others, my trust in myself…I just want it all back…I want to feel whole again, not just half a person. I want so many things that I can never have, and so many things that I don’t diserve…

I have just found out that the man I love and was going to marry has been cheating on me for the past month. He never told her about me and I about her. I don’t know what to do. I still love him with every beat of my heart. And the stupid part is, is that we have been going out for three years, and he just met her six weeks ago. He is throughing what we had away over this fling, and she told me that she doesn’t even really care about him. Now I question if he ever really loved me…I blame myself maybe if I had tried a little harder…please help me…I’ve lost my home, my salvation, but I don’t know if he comes back that I could take him back…he has hurt me so much…it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and I don’t want to live without him…I only hope that in the end he is happy, because isn’t that what love is, sacrificing everything for the other, even if the sacrifice is your own heart, your own happiness, your own life…so good-bye scott, I hope you are happy with your desicion, because I just did want some one does when they love another, I hope that your desicion was the right one…

It feels like my heart is breaking…

I know what heartbreak is…I have had my first love dump me like I was nothing and tell me he was only in it for the sex. Other boyfriends just flat out use me. And had my bestestestest (I know. It’s not a real word) friend die in my arms…and the worst part was that he waited until I got home from school before he died… that was how much he loved me… I still remember it like it was yesterday. I come home and my father tells me he is in my room dieing, and that he is going fast…I walk into my room and kneel beside him, and he just looks at me with this face… like he is telling me it will be okay, and that he was happy he got to say good-bye…
To this day, I still miss him… and I still love him. No matter where my heart is, no matter where I am… he will always be a part of me…
The pain of that day is still deep…but I am getting better (I wrote this without crying) (I’m getting better!!!!!)
For those of you that read this. I hope that you never feel this type of pain, even for those that don’t read this…my best wishes as you make it through life…