I went out today. Attacted some men through my choice of dress and a woman. One of which was a friend’s husband who seemed drawn to my boobs. He spent the evening talking to them, hugging me and making reference to my boobs rather loudly. I said nothing at all aside from laughing at his crudeness but as I drank more I did find myself looking at him more and more. A very pretty man. I didn’t do anything but I possibly did too much looking because I was enjoying the way he looked at me and looking back was most pleasant. Is that wrong?
I now feel bad for looking back at him. He got drunk and told his wife that my boobs were the best in the room and that her best friend was ugly. I stared on in disbelief. This is why I don’t drink! This man is beautiful and I am beginning to think that my wandering eye is showing me that I’m not ready for ‘grown up’ life yet. How do you know when you are? 16 months ago
So, today Tad and I were supposed to be going for a meander on the beach or something at 3ish. He then phoned and asked if I could do dinner instead. I said ‘No, sorry! I can do lunch though if that’s any good. I have to be home before 7 tonight to meet Ben.’ He laughed at me and hung up. Some people never change! Tad being one of those people who can’t take ‘No’ for an answer… or rather he’ll accept it but with the overall attitude of a teenager. He throws a strop and isn’t open to compromise- yet he’d happily wait til the last minute to arrange anything in case something more exciting comes up. He’s so scared of missing out on things that are better or more exciting. He never confirms til the very last minute. I’m now going to continue with my goals for the day instead and if he decides to turn up he can accept me as I am- covered in dust and grease and dressed in painting clothes because that’s what my afternoon now entails! 2 years ago
My Mother is a controlling and selfish troll. She doesn’t have any sense of what it is to be a mother. Her mothering begins and ends with money and/or financial support. Emotional support is non-existent in this house and has been since I can remember. We are worlds apart.
I find it difficult to understand her. She seems to take pleasure in ruining my days and upsetting me, possibly because she has NO life of her own and is jealous that I am in the process of sorting my life out? Possibly because she got pregnant at a young age and blames me for her shortfalls?
She hauled me out of bed a minute ago because I hadn’t done any ironing between the hours of 5pm and 10pm. She got out of bed at midnight just to say ‘Get up and do the ironing- you knew it had to be done.’ I said, ‘No- I’ll do it tomorrow!’ and she screamed ‘Ben will not step foot in this house anymore!’
She doesn’t seem to understand that at 23 – and as a rent paying member of the house that she doesn’t control me anymore. She says things like, ‘Get up and do it now!’ or ‘You will get up at X hour and you will do this’ and I always fight the urge to say, ‘NO, actually I wont because ironing and washing and cleaning are not the be-all-and-end-all of my life!’ Instead it just builds like a volcano inside me and one day I’m sure it’ll erupt in a torrent of screaming at her and telling her that I don’t want to deal with her ‘mental health’ problems anymore. I want to tell her to seek medical help because if, at midnight, the only thing stopping her sleeping is the fact that I didn’t do an hours worth of ironing- then she really does have problems deeper than I can help her with! Argghhh she raelly makes my blood pressure boil- I can’t help her because she annoys me so much!! I love her but she is like living with some kind of parasite, twanging your nerves like a banjo every 0.5 seconds. My only peace comes when she’s away at work! 2 years ago