I suppose I’m a little better for the wear now. I still feel worthless, but that’s usually when someone passes a caustic remark on me. It has reached the point where I cry silently once I get away, because sometimes I just don’t feel like I belong.
It’s worse when it comes from family. Friends don’t really come out and say it as freely, see? But, I know that my family has a thing about being a little emotionally distant. I can’t disclose all. The one time I tried, I was rather hurt by the reactions to what I was saying.
Mostly, I feel I’m rather different from everyone else in the family. And yes, I’m a little lazy, but I have no motivation to even feel like a part of the family at the moment. There’s been a string of misfortunes, and our economic situation in tight, and it’s resulted in a more or less omnipresent loss of humour. It sucks, frankly. But I’m more comfortable with coping and handling when people don’t ignore me, or simply think I’m worthless .
But I’ve made the decision to boost my confidence now. Regularly. And to work at the family thing. Helping out, in any case. 3 years ago