archive Spiffisms

was his short story about “Catching the Blue.” It wasn’t humour at all, but it was sheer literary genius. I asked him just tonight if he had a copy of that somewhwere. That was one of those that he definitely should try to publish. If he still has a copy, I will repost it here for your reading pleasure.

I’ll try my best to remember it all.

We were all defending Rodrugg (sort of), because Mr. Rugg had posted a reply to a woman about getting a tatoo of her infant son’s name. Rod said that she should think carefully about what she gets tatooed, because one never knows how a kid is going to turn out in later life.

He said something like, “If you get a tatoo that says ‘Walter is an angel’ it’s pretty hard to change it later if Walter turns out to be a criminal. Then all you can change to to is ‘Walter is a tangelo.’

She responded with something like “My son’s name isn’t Walter, and he’ll never turn out to be a criminal, because I’ll raise him to always be good.”

Rodrugg responded with “Sorry for the confusion, but just think about what you want to write about little Walter, and I really do hope Walter stays a good person.”

She flipped again with “WHO’S WALTER?! My son will never commit any crimes.”

It went on like this as we were all adding things in Marx Brothers fashion.

This is when the Captain stepped in with, “It’s time for me to step in here now and make things as clear as mud. You should go ahead and get that tatoo anyway, and it should say soemthing like “Dear son, whom I know is not named Walter, Ben, Jaimie, or even Sanchez, way back when those people from 43 Things tried to talk me out of getting a long tatoo about you I didn’t listen, because a mother’s love is forever, and I don’t care if you stay an angel, or turn into a criminal or even a tangelo, I will still always love you and I wish I could use my nipple as a period, because this tatoo is taking up my whole torso and is starting to hurt real bad.”

Not long after this the whole entry was deleted.

Apteryx, Kiska79, and Rouenpucelle were in on this with us, so when you guys read this feel free to make any corrections that I may have forgotten.

an INFP.

we cheerbombed CaptainSpiffydoodle.

A story about rouenpucelle in my pants

This woman wants to go camping by herself and meet big foot. IF I were
to meet big foot (Mo mo th emonster here in Missouri) I would leave
something in my pants.

5/22/06
Ok

but what if Big Foot finds you attractive while he’s in your pants
looking for something to eat and nine months later give birth to his
baby?

Why I admire (my name of the week)

She does things in her pants.

CaptainSpiffydoodle replied to your comment in which you said:
> So,
>
> would I get the job? Huh? Huh?

Their reply was:

1. Priests(1) should(2) fight(3) wizards(4) in(5) my(6) living(7)
room(8) so(9) I(10) could(11) charge(12) admission(13), keep(14)
them(15) locked(16) in(17) my(18) closet(19), and(20) -5 This was just
silly. See me after class. 2. This researcher hypothesizes that sex and
beer make friends and influence people. This research will utilize
fifty-seven undergraduate virgins who are thirsty. They will be drawn
from the university participant pool, but they will not be allowed to
drink it. Controlled variables: cuteness of male participants, color of
shorts. Uncontrolled variables: number of atoms, color of car. -2 Good
hypothesis, but it doesn’t follow Rod’s basic formulaic methodology
which does not include sex or drinking. 3. Robots used to fight bears
would be specially modified with really cool hands with claws.
Excellent. 4. Chicken morphological characteristics: neognath hand,
neognath foot. Otter morphological characteristics: skull has narrow
post-orbital constriction, not a chicken. +5 for knowing an
ornithological word. 5. My new method of diffusion will alter the random
velocities of the molecules. See attached picture. -10 for knowing
something that I can’t even begin to understand. 6. The primary
caution is to always wear a clothespin on your nose, because the
headless body may be stinky. The secondary caution is to bring a paper
bag, in case the head is in the vicinity and you want to bring it home
to impress a date. Very good. This follows Rod’s procedure. 7.A. This
confrontation would be time consuming because it would be difficult to
select the proper exposure and F-stop. -1 for using the words
“F-stop”. A $2.40 walmart disposable camera would have worked much
better.

7.B. The oyster, indubitably. It has strong adductor muscles and can
trick the leopard by giving it pearls as pretty gifts. Good 8. It’s
okay anytime. I’ve got a razor. Well put. 9.Dogs may be a reservoir
host and people who squint a lot may be an important vector. -10 Wha?
10. Mostly the emotion of, hey, cut that out! Stop pecking me! Get away
from me, you stupid bird! Ow! -5 Close, but this doesn’t get to the
ultimate underlying truth of the Rodrugg’s emotion.

-33 + 5 (for being a smarty bird britches)= 38-100 = 62

Sixty two . . . No sorry, I feel uncomfortable sanctioning anything
under 90. Unless Rodrugg over rules my decision you can’t be a Junior
scientist.

Can you think of some extra credit project?

I do not have Rodrugg’s permission to do this.

I would give potential Junior scientists this test.

Junior scientist test

1 Describe where priests should fight wizards in 20 words or less.

2 Make hypothesis that will get your yearbook signed and have people
ride in your car. Describe a test for the hypothesis that lists
controlled variables and uncontrolled variables.

3 Describe the adaptations, if any, of robots that would be used to
fight bears.

4 List two morphological characteristics of a chicken and an otter.

5 Construct a new mode of diffusing tang with water. Show your work.

6 Describe the scientific procedural cautions of coming across a
headless body.

7 A. Give two reasons why a confrontation between a leopard and an
oyster would be time consuming.

B. Predict which one would win.

8 In what instances is it ok to be invenomated by Ophiophagus Hannah 9
Describe the natural history of Ticks. Be concise.

10 What common human emotions do birds illicit in humans?

5/15/06

Are you all insane!

This guy is a prolific writer of great bullshit. I only wish I was as good. You can never finish! NEVER, lest you miss another installment of wit and intelligent bemusements.