Take a moment each day to appreciate my life

I’m so bored of seeing this as the top of the page. I’m a cynical, bitter, usually suicical, always homicidal bitch and I refuse to participate in my Jedi mind game attempts to dilute myself into a nice, jolly, little ferret anymore.

I appreciate my life in a well, at least you didn’t lose anything today and a pat on the back for getting dressed and eating some food, that was a stunning feat kind of way.

I don’t think that warrants a 43t goal all of its own though.

I woke up this morning and went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and then it hit me, or more exactly, poured over me, I felt loved beyond anything, love poured literally over me, as Zeus should have poured over Danae, however it wasn’t sexual at all, it was more like I imagen Caritas (God’s love) to be, I was so extatic tears start running over my cheeks, it got so intense I was afraid I’ll get lost on it and fade away, unlike the oneness I feel with meditating, it was one on one, whatever the other “one” was.

My theory is since I was just awoke and way out tired of working late my brain just played me a trick since I was meditating on love the day before. But what a trick :P

I stop, take a deep breath and with my mind’s eyes I look back, as far as I can see, and even the bad moments, are precious as the good ones, it has been a good life, when I check and balance, it has been an outstanding life, I’d know what love is, what joy is, what sadness is, what pain is, I had known and learn a lot of things and there’s so much to learn yet, I look forward, and no matter the wrong or right, no matter if the future is good or bad, it doesn’t matter, because 10, 20, 50 years from now I know, I’ll be able to look back again, and everything would be as it should, as it was intended.

I feel very peaceful right now. I am halfway through exams and am pleased with how I’ve done so far. I could have done better but I think my work put in to how much I could answer on the exam ratio was pretty good.

I have no money. Zero. I should get paid in a few days but I think I should use all the leftovers of that money to clear some of my over the overdraft. I’ve got myself into a bit of a state financially. Oh to be able to get my hair cut or buy some sweets. Haribo tangtastic. Yum. I really need to dye my hair actually. It looks a right state. I want to dye it pink/red. Something different to how it is right now. I focus far too much on my appearance (you wouldn’t know it to look at me mind) and I need to get away from that. I’ve had a goal to dye my hair blue for ages now and I keep meaning to do it. I don’t feel very blue right now though. Pink I think.

1st exam tomorrow (+maths at that): not stressed despite not being overly prepared

Uni stuff: ah well. Can’t be helped today.

Have tobacco and crisps.

Day appreciated.

The weather is beautiful today, spot on for a lazy saturday; I’ve done a bit of revision; munched on essential revision foods eg crisps and chocolate and suchlike; I have a roof over my head and a bit of money in my pocket. So yes, life appreciation done for today.