it was really good. The little old lady featured in the first five minutes of the movie is my role model for when I grow old and grey. I don’t want to be a spoiler so I won’t say what she does. 5 years ago

Last night I opened up my front door, yelled at the neighbors to turn their music down, and then shut the door. I can’t stand the noise anymore. 6 years ago

So this morning I woke up from a wonderful, restful night of sleep. I laid in bed for a few minutes and even composed some bad poetry in my head. As usual, I head to the bathroom to do my business and return to the bedroom to make my bed only to discover the BIGGEST SPIDER EVER sitting right next to my pillow. This spider was the size of a silver dollar. It’s brown with black markings. Big. Super duper big. I totally flipped, threw my housecoat on, and headed to my next door neighbor’s house. I knock at his door. He opens it:

“You need to come see this!”

“See what???”

“See THIS!”

So, he comes over, looks at the spider, and tells me it’s a “brown recluse spider”. “Don’t worry,” he says, “It’s not poisonous. Get me a tissue and I’ll squish it.” He tries to squish it but the spider makes a run for it.

He says, “Get me a broom and I’ll beat it.” I get him a broom and he attempts to beat it. The spider runs again. He says, “Get me more tissues!!” I get him more tissues. He squishes the ungodly huge spider and I scream.

God….the spider was huge.

So, I do some research online and find out that brown recluse spiders ARE poisonous. Holy crap. I search all over my body for bite marks and find none. I need to check my husband’s body when he gets home.

What’s happening in our neighborhood?? First the little red squirrels invade and now brown recluse spiders are showing up next to my pillow. Are frogs going to rain down from the sky tomorrow? Are the locusts coming next???? 6 years ago