Complete "Get The Edge"

I wanted to be: actress, scientist, mommy

Why: I wanted to make a difference (in a positive way) in other people’s lives (makes me feel important). Make others happy (makes me happy). Be respected and listened to (be a rolemodel). Leave my mark on the world.

My purpose: Make a difference and be a rolemodel for me and others

How to make myself happy:

do my programs, read my selfhelp books, watch tv, communicate online, talk to friends, go for a walk, go for a drive, paint

Well, I don’t want someone but if I were to he’d be:

intelligent, smart, great sence of humour, has a good job he enjoys making good money, be smart with money, be generous, be happy and forfilled on his own (it’s his job to do this not mine), be romantic, ask for my opinion (like letting me order my own meal instead of just ordering for me), have friends who like and accept me, be able to spend time doing something that is out of the house without me, want to spend time with me when we both want this, enjoy singing, be outgoing, be comfortable asking me out, know his self-worth, love me completely in a positive way (no stalking or such), respect me and others, defend me, has parents who like and accept me, keeps his promisses and agreements, is calm, listens, is easy to talk to, is interested in lots of different things, is clearly a man so I can be the woman (instead of trying to be like the woman in the relationship), compliments, is liked by others, is a good role-model, is a good parent, plans something special for valentines day, has a car that works, has his own house, appreciates the things I do for him, has a nice smile, evolves and grows as a person, smells nice, takes a bath/shower every day, knows when it’s okay to drink more or less, is a non-smoker, is against the use of drugs, looks at me with love in his eyes, will of course visit me if I’m in the hospital, shaves every day, takes pictures of me with his own camera, faithful

Musts:
Have a job and money, intelligent, clean, non-smoker, non-drugs, respectful, know his selv-worth, lets me be the woman, faithful

Wow – no wonder all my relationships with a man have failed.

Not want:
smoker, doing drugs, violent, disrespectful, smells bad, selvfish, always hanging around me, stalking me, deciding for me, takes and never gives, abusive, unemployed, low-normal iq, doesn’t read the signs when driving somewhere new, doesn’t know how to read, has no money, doesn’t give gifts, flowers or surprises, is self-concious, low self-esteem, takes his parents side against me, lives with his parents, believes his friends over me without talking about it with me and hearing my side of the story, unfaithful

Must not:
smoker, drugs, abusive, smells bad, disrespectful, low self-asteem

Wow, how could I have boyfriends and even a husband who were mostly on my not wants list. My husband having most of my not wants and also the worst relationship I ever had (abusive and disrespectful and more. He still stalks me.).

Why did I allow myself this. I guess I believed I didn’t deserve a good man. As a baby I lost my parents and I’ve often said to myself that if even my mother didn’t want me than how could anyone else want me. I need to change this way of thinking about myself.

Me:
Self-respect, remember my values and what I want in a man instead of settling, take chances (try stuff that might be fun), be slender, pretty and feminin (men with money seem to prefer this), be open to surprises, know my self-worth, love myself, be easy-going, be more relaxed, be well-dressed, have control over my finances, be non-judgement, be a better cook, keep my home nice and clean, be patient and control my anger

Me must:
Self-respect, feminin, open, know my self-worth, patient

Oh my, I’m not like I should be to attract the man I want. No wonder I didn’t attract him during all those years. Well, actually I did once but he didn’t want me. No wonder. I get it know.

Map:
Find myself

Well, this is a tough one. Tony Robbins says you do love yourself or you would have taken your own life. Well, I did try to take my life and I was really surprise when I didn’t die. I had thought about it for a long time to find a sure way.

So what can I do:

Put healthy things into my body
Allow myself to not feel pressured to do things I don’t actually have to do

Previous:
I don’t like to sweat
It hurts
I’m too tired

Now:
Just a little a day is better than none at all
Each day it will get a little easier
I’m making myself healthier

Exercise while watching tv
Spend less time online

5 things:
i’m not worthy of it
it useless
it won’t really change anything
i won’t be here long enough
what is the point

I’m tired of:
being fat
being in debt
not having children

What to do:
stick to WW every day and use my new calendar
loose 20 kg in 2009
get things done – no postponing
focus on what I have I like
use my books and programs

Positive emotions:
joy, fun, happiness, caring, love

Negative emotions:
hurt, pain, frustration, anger, loss, loneliness, boredom

What I’m greatful for:
children, having a home, friends

I brought this several months ago, started very well, but have tapered off now. Need to get back into it and finish it!