There’s a scene in High Fidelity where the film’s protagonist (Rob, played by John Cusack) is in an argument with his girlfriend (Laura, played by some Danish woman whose name I can never remember, and wouldn’t be able to spell if I did). And at one point she turns to him and says, “You haven’t changed so much as a pair of socks in the time I’ve known you.”
If any of my ex-girlfriends had ever pulled that line on me, I would have had no recourse but to shut up and wither away. It’s probably the most damning indictment you can make about my life—I’m not dynamic. I don’t evolve. I don’t grow. I just stay the same.
The same holds true for my physical attributes. I’ve gained 10 pounds in the past 4 years, but otherwise nothing has changed except the glasses. I’ve asked for the same haircut every time I’ve gone to the barber since 2003. I buy new clothes once a year, and always from the same three stores. I have the same hobbies, the same friends, and the same diet that I had five years ago.
I hope you’re not judging me too harshly, because I don’t necessarily believe that any of this is bad. But I think it goes to explain why I don’t have very many pictures of myself. What you remember from the last time you saw me is still accurate—and my worldview makes it difficult for me to believe that anything I’ve taken part in is interesting enough for you to want to see pictures of.
Needless to say, my mom disagrees with my stance here. So I think it would be nice to have some actual photographs taken so she and Dad can hang something up-to-date on the living room wall.
ahem
I also believe that there is incredible comic potential to getting these photos taken, and I intend to milk that to the best of my limited ability. The rule I will live and die by when I walk into the portrait studio is “I have to get at least one pose that will make Alan Gerth laugh out loud.” That’s my goal.
