develop myself

hi i am a person want to develop myself.We are the human so as a human we have to live in the earth. Many people lives in the world but i think i am the best so i have to be more good like that.So it is necessary to develop myself. I love to see movie and sing song. Movie is the good way to develop ourself. Because some of movies have good climex and which have the relations with the practical life of human being.I think for developing our career education is the most important field we have to complete it. And certificate is the one of most important thing by that we shall get the job from various company.

The root of all my problems that my mind constantly forgets and then rewords and thinks I’ve stumbled upon a new crux to my cognitive obstacles.

Looking into myself to seek direction, having it come internally, is something that doesn’t work. Without this internal direction I am always vulnerable to my circumstances and caught acting on whims and in the short term. I either act by this moment, or comply with rules or feed off other’s energy.

The problem with both these habits is that it doesn’t lend itself to satisfying, longer term lifestyles: relationships, interests, etc.

Explaining this abstract problem probably makes no sense and so I’ll try and make sense of it in another way as well. My lack of internal direction causes me to not sustain attention enough in a conversation, or have things I want to talk about, without the prompt of a conversational partner. In terms of volunteer or job interests, I can’t seem, for the life of me, to narrow down my interests between people or idea careers without looking at examples haphazardly to get a sense of the details that my mind can’t conjure.

Needless to say, I need to clarify and contextualize this problem better. But how do you generate internal direction when it’s lacking? I mean, if just sticking to relationships, how, if you’re not prone to thinking about how to set up boundaries in a relationship, how do you generate this kind of internal set of principles?

Some days are really difficult to get by-I become engrossed in a nearsightedness and have trouble making decisions beyond the very next fleeting moment. I make poor choices to procrastinate-be it writing a paper while surfing the web or vegging out on tv.

This tendency of nearsightedness really impedes my ability to understand what I’d really like to/enjoy doing in the short term and what projects I’d like to work on. This winter break I compiled some meditative and reading exercises/time but yet I dread doing much that involves mental work and have spent the last two days over-taking advantage of the discovery that tv to my heart’s content can be accessed online, and heroes is an addictive, though not necessarily substantially meaningful series.

So I am going to revise the plan that I cannot recall off the top of my mind so that I build in a mindless, short term activity and build in times when I am working on activities geared towards self-building projects (like working on writing and getting more involved in the local scene here). I will have a minimum of 3-4 hour project time and then build in other activities.

This could be called a bundle of other goals-like writing etc-but I think the idea to this goal is the very indirect result of self-development of interests, something more than just mere obvious gained skills of activities themselves.

I’ve developed…

This game with myself that if I can express my misery well it almost substitutes for the negative space in my life.

Sometimes I lose those words and have droughts where it seems I’m both void of feeling, spirit, energy ideas.

Even my cynicism fails me and is merely this bland breed of trite where I lash out at all the superficial pasttimes that the people in my living sphere seem to have.

I guess this goal seems pointless as I seriously have trouble planning, developing goals and taking action accordingly. If I were to list all that I fear I’m inept at, I do not think that the light of day will pale my worries.

The irrational, pessimistic side of my mind seems to be winning.

So, I moved out of my huge ugly cookie cutter apartment and into a small cute one with a girl from high school. I think I’m learning a lot about myself from my new living situation. I went from living with three boys I met one year ago to living with one girl who I have known for more than five years. It’s hardly to say I know her better or am better friends with her than I am with my other friends, but somehow I have such a different comfort level here than I did there. I’m learning a lot about myself here. I’ve never really been able to form a strong bond with the people I live with, all through last year, as well as last term. I try to hide too much of myself, I don’t want to get on their nerves and I don’t want to end up getting annoyed with them. But, right now I hang out with Madison (my current roommate) almost every night, and the nights she’s not here, I miss her. I somehow got over being self conscious about the food I eat and when I eat it, and I tell her about my day and the boys I like and my homework. She does the same and we watch the news together every night at eleven and I like it. I feel comfortable here and it amazes me. I feel like I’m learning so much about how to open myself up and be myself around my friends and people that I meet. Soo, although I have ended up paying two rents for the past couple months that will hopefully end soon, and the amount I have gained personally is very positive I think.

Say I’m sorry, even three days (weeks/months) later.

admit when you’re wrong and someone else is right.

swallow some pride, for heavens sake

confident
reasonable?
fun
light-hearted

then something else i can’t attach a word to.. basically be able to say no, sort of. I guess that goes a lot along with confidence.

passionate

i truly want this.

what does this mean?

sincerity?
honesty?
truth?

forgiving