declare Western medicine a "money making pseudo-science" and move on with my life

I failed. I admit it. I failed. After two weeks of being medication free I became depressed, unable to eat, unable to sleep, and anxious. Is my brain addicted to this sleep medication and anti depressant medication? Maybe I need to taper off more slowly?? Will I try to accomplish this goal again in the future? Maybe. We’ll have to wait and see. Right now, I’m back on both medications. I feel like I’m back to my old self. Really, I’m disgusted and disappointed with myself as well as the entire medical system. It’s discouraging. Very disheartening. Oh well, life moves on.

Went to bed around 10 pm. Took sleeping pills and 2 anti histamine pills. Fell asleep right away. Didn’t wake up until 4 am. Drifted in and out of sleep until 6 am. Finally flushed anti depressant medication down the toilet yesterday. It felt great! No headaches at all going on 5 days now which is extremely unusually for me. Been having strange cravings for stuff – a few days ago I had a hot dog for breakfast, right now I’m eating chick pea salad for breakfast….. I’m just craving salty type foods.

Had massage therapy yesterday afternoon. It was awesome. Wow! My muscles were so much more tense than I had realized. After massage therapy I drank tons and tons of water, ate a whole bunch of homemade spaghetti sauce with pasta, soaked in the tub with epsom salt, took two advil with two tylenol along with an anti histamine and went to bed. Yes, I took the sleeping pills also. Slept well through the night. Woke up a few times but no big deal. Couldn’t crawl out of bed unitl 7:30 am or so. Still taking sleeping medication. Blahhh…..Feeling guilty about it. Like I’m a failure or something. I think I might have some strange sort of emotional attachment to the sleep medication and that’s why I can’t let go of it. Anyways…..I need to recognize the fact that I just got off of anti-depressant medication and that’s a BIG step forward. I’ve been off of anti-depressant medication for 6 days. Yahoo! Have another massage therapy appt. next week. Overall feeling hopeful and somewhat re-energized. Can see light at end of tunnel.

Took sleeping pills last night. Fell asleep around 10:45 pm, woke up at 1:30 am for a few minutes, fell back asleep, woke up for good at 5:45 am. Feel cranky and my muscles are tight but over all I feel decent. Things could be worse. Mowed the lawn yesterday so my muscles are stiff. Need to work on upper body strength. I have a massage therapy appt. at 3 pm today. Making serious kiss ass progress on this goal. The best thing – no headaches at all for the past three days. None. Zippo. Is being headache-free related to being antidepressant-free?? We shall see!!

Took “sleeping pills” last night and guess what??? I didn’t sleep. Big surprise huh?? Not really. Fell asleep at 11 pm, woke up at 1 am, drifted in and out of sleep until 4 am, laid awake in bed until 6 am. I am tired and weary. I’m in a bad mood. But I am more convinced then ever that Western medicine is indeed a pseudo science motivated by money.

My muscles are stiff. I’m going to call my sister in the Lord today and ask her if she could come over and massage my back and shoulders (she’s a certified massage therapist. She charges $20 per hour to other believers.)I need to get on some type of exercise program. I think that if I exercise rigorously during the day I’ll be able to sleep better at night. I am not sleeping with the SLEEPING pills so why am I taking them? I think today will be the last day I take them. The antidepressant medication WILL be dumped in the toilet day. I see a total life makeover in the very near future.

Romans 12: 2 – 3

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

James 4: 4 – 10

“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend to the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit He caused to live in us envies intensely? But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you.”

dat

Slept (relatively) well last night. I think I fell asleep around 11 pm, woke up at 5 am, drifted in and out of sleep until 6 am and then finally got up. Just took sleep medication last night. No anti-depressant medication. So far so good. I was expecting the worst, but the worst has not happened. Today….today I might think about flushing the anti-depressant medication down the toilet and yelling, “Screw you….you money making pseudo ‘science’! Oh, and by the way – to hell with your practitioners!” Afterwards maybe I’ll treat myself to a glass of wine and watch the Phil Spector murder trial on Court TV.

Didn’t sleep well. Getting discouraged.

So last night did not go as planned. I laid awake in bed. By the time 11:30 rolled around I knew that I was destined to lay awake in bed for at least another 3 hours. I said, “Screw it” and I took the sleep medication, but I did not take the anti-depressant medication that helps me to sleep (supposedly). My new plan is this:

1.) Cut out anti-depressant medication. Cold turkey. I’m done. I’ve done it before in the past and I can do it again in the future. (I’m givin’ myself a little pep talk here so bear with me.)
2.) Continue to take sleep medication but stick to a withdrawal schedule:

Tonight – 2 pills
Tomorrow – 2 pills
Monday – 1 pill
Tuesday – 1 pill
Wednesday – 1 pill
Thursday – no pills

Two pills. One pill. Blue pill. No pill. Whatever. It’s like a bad Dr. Seuss book.

(Yankeevt resumes pep talk.) Why am I bothering to take this crappy anti-depressant medication anyways? Oh, I forgot – supposedly the medication also helps with my headaches. Yeah, right! What a load of crap. I still struggle with depression. I still get headaches. I’m done with this whole “well-there’s-a-new-drug-on-the-market
-and-it’s-totally-different-from-what-you’re-taking-now” mentality. What a fallacy! I’m fed up. If you’ve taken one pill you’ve taken them all. I’ve tried everything out there and it just doesn’t work. Doctors are nothing but college-educated drug dealers with a license from the State to legitimize their cockamamie “medical” PRACTICE. I’m emphasizing the word PRACTICE. Ever notice that they don’t say “medical perfection”? No, it’s medical “practice”.

I have so much pent up anger. I don’t even know where to begin.

So, that’s my new plan. This WILL happen. I WILL do this.

Today is THE day. I’m throwing out the DSM and all the pills. I’m done and I’m moving on with my life. Bye- bye. It was a nice place to visit but I don’t want to live here anymore.