be a good big sister

As my brother yet again was being a little shit at my grandmother’s house, I just kept getting angrier and angrier. I was stressing out trying not to holler at him and trying to prove to my grandmother that he wasn’t always that bad. Finally I gave up and decided it was time for us to go home. I punished him and made him mad on purpose. I then sat down with him after I’d calmed down. We talk well because I listen to what he says, though he doesn’t always want to listen to me. So I told him I wasn’t listening to him anymore. And I left him on the couch while I got on the computer.. He cried so hard and genuinely it broke my heart, though I know I got my point across. I went back to him and asked if he was ready for me to listen. He blubbered ‘yeahhh..’ I know he felt betrayed by me, but he really did listen afterward. He said his heart told him to be bad. But then I told his heart to be good, and he laughed at that. He wanted to call my grandmother after that and say he was sorry and that he loved her. That was a sweet thing to do, and I really believe my grandmother was surprised and happy that he called. I let him get off punishment and play his video games after that. I’m sure he was just bullshitting me, but at least I’m teaching him the right thing to do. The next step may be to get him to do it all the time.

My brother Jared is three. I’ve basically been the built-in babysitter to my parents ever since he was born… I have fully accepted and even come to love this responsibility, though I sometimes notice how short-tempered I am with him. He’s a little butt head most of the time, but it really doesn’t give me the right to be equally mean to him.

Perhaps I just need to be more creative with how I try to teach him stuff. And patience would make a world of difference. I love him, and I cherish the moments when he realizes he loves me too.

...but I do think I’m on my way to doing it.
I gave up waiting for my Dad to call as promised, so 2 months later I stopped my stubborn-ness and called to ask to take my brother out over half term. We went to the cinema, went to the arcades and generally had a good time.
Jack (my brother): I think today’s going to be good.
Me: I hope so!
Jack: Possibly even the best day of my life!
Me: Why?
Jack: Well it always is when I see you.

He’s only 9 bless him. I so need to see him more.

I’m not going to try and put all the blame on everyone but myself but I really am struggling with this one. If my Dad was a bit more up for it maybe it’d work. Maybe not. Sure, I could make a bigger effort, and I know that. But when I do, it never quite works.
I set up an email address for my brother so we can email each other beings as my Dad never remembers to call. My brother was really excited, but my only guess is that my Dad never taught him how to do it. Cos I never got one email. And just now, I asked what my brother was doing on Saturday, cos it’s my weekend off work. And when I explained why, he became busy.
Just like when I asked to take him bowling, and got told he hates it. Yet when I talk to him he says he wishes he could go.

Rant over. And applause to you if you actuallllllly read that.

My brother lives with my Dad and his wife and I never really see them all that much anymore.

I love my brother, more than anything. He used to cry when I had to go home. And although I’m happy he doesn’t now, it makes me sad. I’ve missed out on so much by not making the effort and I feel like I’ve messed up. Completely.

Because of the nature of this website and how it is for goals that are to be accomplished, I was a little unsure of how to calculate my progress in this goal. So I haven’t finished being a good big sister, but since my little sister told me I am her best friend yesterday, I felt that I can move on from this goal and I will now stick to more concrete goals that are clearly defined and can actually be completed.