be good to myself

I have the best bestfriend ever!
So I’m very happy I bought tickets to visit her for Thanksgiving! I was going to stay here, but work can wait.

I am ruminating about something dumb and making myself more upset about it. And then I know all my bitching about it made J unhappy too! There’s no reason to put myself through all this unhappiness that has to do with a hypothetical situation that I don’t even know about for sure.

So I’m going to finish some stuff up, then go to bed at a reasonable time, without beating myself up any further.

I’m having some bad neck pain, so I booked a massage today. And I bought tickets to visit my best friend over Thanksgiving, even though it seems pretty self-indulgent and I had felt like I had too much work to get away. But I going to try not to feel guilty and just enjoy it!

Weeks of stress, carrying heavy bags and negelecting my own needs have finally taken their toll on me. Today I had to go to the hospital with a severe dorsalgia. I guess this is the way my body has to warn me, to tell me that I definitely need to decompress and relax, I need to lead a healthier life.

Though my finances are not great in this moment I’m going to travel with my friend Bibi to the coast next week. I ‘m sure that the sea , the sun and the good company will do wonders in me.

My love and I spent the past week in Winklespruit on the KZN South Coast, and it was wonderful… 7 Days of no TV, no newspapers, no radio… _{The conflict in Gaza could have been resolved and a cure for AIDS found without either of us having known :)} Instead we spent our days taking long walks on the beach, swimming, reading, sleeping, making love… It was heaven – just what we both needed.

_{View from our flat}

I’m doing badly at this. Too much work. Too little me. I’m just sooo scared to let go.

I walked/ran on the treadmill and man, am I out of shape! My heart rate was really high and I ran about half as far and twice as slowly as used to do regularly. I went 1.5 mile in about 22 minutes! Geez Laweeze, 3 miles used to be an easy night for me and I though nothing of finishing it in about 30 minutes, no problemo.

I left it at that because I want to leave myself wanting more, not dreading it and burning out early. Consistency, consistency, consistency! I can do this! I’ll get better!

Eat less, move more. Actually feel whatever pain is necessary and then move on through it, instead of allowing myself high-caloric indulgences (or a couple of beers) that really make me feel WORSE later on.

Seeing as I work on a freelance basis, I don’t get paid holidays during the year. With my colleagues in the Cape Town office bugging me to visit them, and Willow now living and working there too, I’ve decided to treat myself to a little “working holiday”. The great thing about my job is that I can basically work from anywhere in the country, so this week in September I’ll be visiting some really good friends while also enjoying some time in the city and hopefully on the beach…

My mom was kind of upset when I told her about this – she thinks I’m wasting money. I think that, for my own sanity, it would also be good not always to take my mom’s complaints to heart…