be a better version of myself

Previous goals that fit in here:

• Quote from Brain_stoorm: “There’s two kinds of pain, pain of discipline and the pain of regret!”
• I love this post from Bblouder: I want to think this…: Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
• NEVER apologize for who I am!

never compromise myself, I’m all I have

I need to stop obsessing!

Wouldn’t we all like to be a better version of ourselves? Fundamentally, I treasure the concept of this. On some level it suggests that we are already content with the being that we are, yet we strive to improve. I can clearly remember a time in my life where I never dreamed the self-loathing would ever allow me to be comfortable in my own skin. I spent most of my childhood daydreaming about being someone else. Now, I wouldn’t change any experience in this life because it has created who I am today. I am pleased to report I am comfortable in my own skin and accepting of the woman I am (I think I turned out way better than I ever could have imagined…ha!). I no longer desire to live someone else’s existence, but I do admire certain qualities in others that I hope to attain. There are also attributes that I currently possess that preferably I didn’t. “Being a better version of myself” incapsulates the idea of changing the things I can control to be a better person while being grateful for the progress I have already made.

I feel like I have become myself again. Everything I liked about myself is back. Maybe I never actually lost myself, because of all of the positive comments I receive from people. But I felt like I had.

This goal was my main new year’s resolution for 2007. It was a bit of an abstract goal, but I FEEL that it’s been done. :-)

I am not exactly sure what was the main trigger of feeling more like myself. A lot has changed this year. I graduated university. I broke up with my long term boyfriend. I moved back in with my parents. It could be any one or all of those that changed me.

I may have been too stressed in college to be as free as I wanted to be. Which means that I probably made a good decision in not going straight to grad school. I may have changed myself in my relationship, because it had been 3 years. Maybe that was the reason I wasn’t upset about breaking up and actually wanted to do it! I may be more myself when I spend time with my family. I love them, they love me, and we are all pretty crazy. I missed them over the past 4 years.

“Anyway, you should know, in case you didn’t already, that you are an awesome girl and a great friend to everyone. I frequently remember how you were always smiling, dancing, sending out holiday cards, and just generally being happy-go-awesome :)”

My friend Nate from college sent me an email recently and these sentences really made me feel good. This is how I want to be seen!

Every time I think I know myself inside and out; up and down, I turn right around and prove I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. And if one more person tells me life begins at 40 I’m gonna spit!!! Even though I’m finding out it happens to be true for me, its so damn cliche’! I’m being a little dramatic, but sometimes I honestly feel like I’m no wiser than the day before. My husband (whose reading over my shoulder.)will tell you this is a rarity because I usually act like I know everything! Most of the time, I do. (ahh, I feel much better!)

Last week a customer at the store I work in said I must be new because he hadn’t seen me there before. He said that I had a nice presence.

:-)

All this year I have been making a positivity journal. I think it was working, but I have backtracked quite a bit since moving back into my parent’s house.

She is my English Lit professor. She told me my papers have excellent clarity at the level of the sentence. And she doesn’t throw around that compliment loosely.

:-D

Rob was one of my freshman year RAs. He came back to visit us now that we are all seniors. He wrote quick notes to all of us. Here’s part of mine:

“Anyways, thx for your tremendous attitude. So happy, so energetic all the time. You’re so great to be around. Don’t lose that in the “real world” because I certainly wish there were more Victorias.”

The girl I said in a different goal that I think is pretty cool and want to get to know better told me this the other day: “I didn’t know you were so fun to hang out with! I wish I’d known sooner than our last semester.”

That makes me happy and I think it proves I’m in the right direction to being who I want to be.