stop being so insecure

so i’ve figured out that the more weight that i lose, the less insecure i feel. it helps motivate me to lose more weight, as well as try new things. i used to be kind of adventurous, but now i’m willing to try and do anything. i even went skinny dipping a couple of times last week- and yes, i was the first one in the water! pretty shocking for me if i may say so myself! well, hopefully i can do something just as crazy and out of character this week…

Last night was amazing. Even though I was getting another “speech”, it felt great. I don’t know why I just don’t get it. He told me how amazing I am and how amazing I look. He told me how he loves me, but needs time to himself as well. I just don’t get it. He told me when he goes out with the guys, that’s strictly what it is….guys, he doesn’t talk to other girls, nor do the other guys. He doesn’t want anyone else, but me. I know they said you should go with your gut….but my gut says there is something wrong with my feelings not his. I heard the best marriages happen and work out because both people involved have some of there own life and then their amazing time together, but he has his own life….I don’t know how to have mine. No matter what he says, I still have the insecure uneasy feeling when he does anything without me….I wonder if it will ever go away?!

It wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t want to do this, my other things are mainly the exact thing!
I am very insecure. I get influenced from the strangest of people, but inside I think they are perfect.
It’s quite creepy. I’ve been confident for short term times off and on for awhile now.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it, but might as well try. >_>

...but confident. I’m a good person on the inside. I’m a beautiful person on the outside.

The reason for why someone else might think so is not because I’m wrong, but because I just might not be their cup of tea. And that’s okay! It’s all about personal taste and for me, it’s no longer about whether I’m ‘good enough’ or not. It’s about whether or not someone else sees in me what I already see in myself. And if they don’t, they’ll see it in someone else. I mean, I don’t need EVERYONE to like me. There are a few select people who count a lot though.

No matter how hard I try not to lie, it seems as though I just can’t help myself. Today I lied to my boyfriend about not knowing he had some girl go over to his house and sleep in his bed. I know that he didn’t do anything with her (he slept with the door open and his roomie and I are great friends, so they kept a watchful eye and told me all about it), then a few days later showed up with her in his car after dumping me off at his brother’s house (Yes, I know that’s a problem as well, but hey, one step at a time). I freaked out, however I still kept a calm persona, as well as letting him bring her home. Apparently he had been bringing her home for his friend who lives across the street from the house.

While he was gone I did something very unlike me. I went across the street to the friend’s house while my bf was gone. I talked with him for a while and asked his opinion and insight on whether or not I was being cheated on. The neighbor said no, of course, they’re friends after all… but I still believe him. Well, tonight everyone was in the mood to let the cat out of the bag. I was ratted on. The neighbor told my bf all about the conversation and now I don’t know whether we are still together.

I never used to be so “stalkerish”. At least thats what it appears to be to me. I don’t want to continue being like this either. I’m losing the love of my life, the apple of my eye, and it seems as though I can’t help it unless I beg for some outside help. PLEASE HELP ME! I don’t just want to change for him, the main reason I would like to change for is myself. I think that it will make me a better person, and less intrusive (and of course, paranoid).

I am so insecure and people admire me for being so confident and aggressive. I have a great fiance, but I can’t stop snooping! I caught him a couple months back talking to his ex (who was 1/2 the reason we were on and off before our current 2 year relationship. The other 1/2 reason was because I had a boyfriend.)...and ever since then I am constantly worried that he still talks to her! I called her the other day from my cell phone and she has called me TWICE since.

I know what I did and am doing is wrong, but I can’t find the confidence in myself to stay strong. I was already insecure before he got busted (I found a message from her wishing him a good day and that he could “cum” over if he wanted)...and now it’s even worse.

I think deep in my heart I know I am being played but I’m not sure if it’s my insecurity or if it’s truth. Besides this incident, he has been my rock…what keeps me centered…

too damn bad I can’t center myself on my own.

Sometimes I feel like my insecurity holds me back.

Somebody wrote about moving to another city, well I have done that to get married but I have nobody else in this city, to top it all off I am totally different than anybody around me because of the way I chose to dress, I am a Muslim woman who wears a headscarf so if my weight isnt enough to make people stare at me (I am 240) then the scarf just makes me a four ring circus. Since December I have lost over 60 lbs and I am still losing weight. My husband encourages me and always compliments me and I am certian he is in love with me but I still feel really insecure when he isnt around me. I am now out of town for 2 weeks and he told me that he offered a ride to a lady who he knew from work of course I was happy he told me but I also communicated to him that it hurt my feelings and its not proper.

I know that in our society men don’t just do things freely for women but my husband was unaware of that. Of course the lady took it the wrong way and tried to sit with my husband at a resteraunt tonight. He also mentioned that she is very thin.. which really upsets me and makes me insecure. The feeling is almost overwhelming but I pray that God will give me strength to overcome these demons in my head.

After I prayed I realized that I can be happy in the now, and with who I am now. God made no mistakes when he created mankind and he made no mistakes with me, I accept his perfect gifts to me and I hope I can eventually learn to accept my self. If I wait till I am skinny to be happy then I will have alot of depression before I get happy and I will then have to overcome that too, and who knows perhaps I will die before I reach my goal weight, thats not to say I won’t try to lose the weight but I am not going to live in yesterday or tomorrow I am going to live in now, and since I have gotten this far I can only continue to go further,

What doesnt kill me makes me stronger has always been my motto. I hope that my words may help somebody . God doesnt create mistakes by the way every single thing has a purpose, wether or not we can recognize it is another story.

I’m 31 years old and I feel like I’m watching my life pass by. I’m very indecisive and I latch onto others all the time to help me get through things. My boyfriend is very responsible, level headed, level emotionally, and just stable. I, on the other hand, get depressed, have a lot of anxiety, and even though I’m fun and free sometimes, other times I’m an emotional mess. I start to think, “who wants to deal with that?” I figure it’s always a matter of time before people figure out how unstable and crazy I am and leave me. I’m about to move to a new city just for him and I’m afraid that’ll be the nail in the coffin. He’ll figure out he doesn’t like me as much as he thought he did and I’ll have given everything up to end up in a new place with no real career and no friends. I’m anxious and I feel like I’m about to ruin a great thing.

You know when you’re told something that really matters to you? Then you come to find that all those things you were told were lies and didn’t mean a thing. How bad it hurts after is almost, I repeat almost unbearable. But those lies they stay with you, the ones that told you that you were beautiful, that they cared about you, that they changed and could never hurt you again. All of those lies I’ve been told not just once but many time not all by the same person but different people too. How is a person not supose to be insecure if they have been lied to and cheated on in previous relationships. How am I not supose to wonder what I did wrong all those times before… Yeah your friends tell you that it wasnt you but no matter how many times you’re told it wasnt you, you know it had to be something to do with you… Didnt it?
I want to be able to trust myself that I wont make the same mistakes twice but some how I seem to find myself in that spot stuck wondering if its different… If I’m different… If they’re different… I am an insecure person I need to be told how you feel or else I dont know if its real. But if its real arent you supose to feel it? Arent you supose to just know it?