stop being so insecure

I’m so insecure about myself. I look at myself and I’m always worrying if I’m ugly or to fat. Do I really have to worry about this so much? I’m always saying sorry to my friends, family, and boyfriend and it drives them up the wall. I think this is the cause of my clingyness as well as saying sorry so much. If I get more confidence it would make the world so much better. I have not confidence in my abilites in math or school and I don’t trust my own opinion. I don’t trust that other people will like me and basicly I don’t respect myself in this sense. But how do I do better? How do I get confidence?

1. Insecure about my sisters

• They have a lot of time with their pals. Me, I don’t have. I don’t actually want to spend friendly moments with my school friends. I don’t have friends at my place because I only go out from home whenever I have appointments, class, church services and some family go outs. Church friends… Can’t spend time with them… Conflict on my schedules. I want to spend friendly moments with my RF Online friends. I feel more comfortable when I’m talking and playing with them although it’s only in the cyber world.

• They do very well in school compared to me. But I know the problem is within me. I’m lacking of self-control and self-discipline. But I’m practicing it already.

2. Insecure about My Skills

• I have plenty of skills. But I can’t show it all well because I’m thinking that there are other people who are better than me and I’m afraid of ending up criticizing me and comparing me to some other people who are better than me. I’m lacking of confidence with my self because I have no one… Or rather I don’t trust anybody to share most of my thoughts with.

We all have thing in over lives that makes it harder to love yourself, and feel 100% comfortable with everything. But for me to stop being so insecure with myself, would make me feel that much better.

tmm my bro is coming from usa and mom and dad are going to pick him up at the airport in mumbai.i dont wanna go.mainly
1. me and my brother havent talked to each other 3 years.
2.whenever we do talk ,we fought.
3.family is one place u want ur self to be as u r but wen i`m with my family its allways antime.they keep picking on me,that i dont kno this,i`m stupid and `m that.and the end result i`m frustrated ,more depressed and usually cry the entire night.i dont like it.i feel like runing away somewhere away from my family and vanishing from their lives once and forever and never coming back.just cant help this feling.
8 but i guess i have no choice i`ll have to go and bear with it.
9 i feel jealous and hurt seeing mom,dad and bro together and me taggin along in the back.feels like i`m with strangers.i dont want that.i`m so so in the mood to scream leave me alone.dont do this but cant.but i guess when i`ll get a job and start earning i `ll get a place of my own and work hard,party harder and stay away from all these things that hurt me,i`m going to motivate myself right now to work hard for that dream to come true.even if i`m alone then i`ll atleast make most of that by doing things i want and not to think if mom will allow me or nt i`m gonna buy al thse things usefull or not which i feel lke.i can do it.i `m worth that and i`ll work hard for it.-srushti

I’ve never been secure with my body and now I’m so fickle with decisions. There was a time when I knew what I wanted and just did it, but now I am constantly weighing decisions and asking my husband to pick this or that to do. I’ve struggled with my weight ever since 6th grade. I finally lost weight 2 years ago and was so confident, then I met my now husband and I became very shy about my body after we became intimate. Thoughts of “I’m so fat, I don’t like this about me” and telling him to turn away every time I get dressed which still happens now and we have been married for a year and a half! We bicker over decisions when he asks me to pick a place to eat or asks what I would like to do. My husband tells me he loves me every minute of the day and yet I question his fidelity time to time by looking through his text msgs and at his myspace. I don’t like who I have become because I know he loves and has always fought for us. I’m tired of being insecure with myself and my decisions..I want my old self back :(

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I am only made up of my insecurities and my ideals of how I shouldn’t be. Since I cut myself no slack, this makes me so scared of people finding out how much of fake or incompetent of a person I am. I can’t do almost about anything without feeling pressured of whether it’s good or not—or, in my case of being that insecure, even faked to be good enough. Then again, I am in that awkward transition stage between child and adulthood. But I wish the symptoms of feeling like such lowly crap weren’t so bad.

Since I’ve graduated, I’ve found myself feeling so much more secure in everything. I’m gradually coming to the conclusion that everything I feel unsure about works itself out. This has been a good environment for me to grow into myself and start feeling more secure about my life.

This has been a goal of mine for pretty much my whole life. During the last two years, I have really tried to rid myself of my insecurities by learning to love myself and to laugh at myself. I try to be more open with people (new and old friends) and just trust that if they are my friend, they will love me no matter what. I have found that people respond so warmly to a light hearted, real person who is happy with who they are, weird, quirky things and all! However, I still struggle more than I think is healthy. But I am definitely feeling so much more secure with who I am and it’s a beautiful feeling.

its hard to see clearly and you need outsiders to help you understand. i am a young mother i have a four month old baby and i could let myself go on being unhappy but everyday i feel as if i need to fix myself in order to be a good strong woman for my baby girl. she deserves it shes so beautiful and i want her to have a better role model than who i am now so that she can enter the world and stay perfect and pure like she is. i want her to have both her parents in her life because we are pretty great people individually and he is a great father but i don’t know if i can continue being in a relationship where i cry at least every other day. today is the day i made a decision in my heart and its the end of either me and him or me and my demons.

i am feeling very insecure and it wasn’t always like this. i use to be the strongest girl i knew.i travelled alone and lived to the music ofmy making.i was lovely. i would have married me.

in the beginning i knew he was still hung on his ex and lied a few times about silly sms’s and emails. i kept thinking its normal because i have been there in my life and i cn help him and that with time he would see how much i loved him and love me like. i said to my sisters, “Look he yells a lot and has his defaults but he would never lie. and i have such faith in him.” i use to look at him and see such a perfect guy so beautiful. my mouth would be open and my eyes would glow looking at how sweet and kind he was albeit rough around the edges. i had this faith in him and this immunity to tears and insecurity because my faith in him was so strong.

when i became pregnant i was happy;he was the one i wanted and have sine the moment i saw him. he didn’t know i was pregnant but almost at the same time he started treating me badly taking me for granted taking things out on me. yelling at me physically bullying me and doing some shady things. i thought uh oh this isn’t a good sign but i wanted to have his baby. but i also said that if we didn’t want to take this step then lets act now. he wanted to have the baby and was actually happy but when we would fight it was never a little fight. i was emotional at the time and i know i was extra emotional beause i was pregnant.he didn’t seem to understand this and would assert himself and react to me by throwing me out of the house or mockingmy religion or insult my parents and i would get in such a panic that i would be on the floor calming myself in the third person and he would call me crazy and then i would feel crazy. i became what he said i was. if he said i was ugly i became ugly and if he said i was crazy i became crazy. i was and still am not in my country and i don’t speak in my own language with him and i am alone so he can take advantage. and he did. he didn’t take care of me or my emotions during this time and its because he is young but man, he made me feel so small and so ugly and so alone.

my family cameto visit when i was five months pregnant and i wanted them to love him but i couldn't stop crying when he would embarass me or yell or smoke hash in front of my mother when i asked him please out of respect please just not this weekend. i told my sister okay look he is not perfect and i am emotional because i am pregnant and yeah sometimes its not the best but he would never lie to me. it was the thing i held on to and it kept me sane.

after they left i woke up one night and he wasn’t there; we had just gotten the internet so i walked to the computer room and called him to bed. he hid something and came to bed; the next morning i went to see what it was he was doing. i can’t tell you what it felt like to see my belly getting bigger with the child of someone you love and all of a sudden you feel like so stupid. i found that all night he was emailing girl after girl on those facebook myspace type sites writing very sexual and provocative things. i just shook. my heart was on the floor. he had about six profiles and had been doing this throughout the entire time i was with him saying he was single and actively trying to go out with girls.

it took all of me to stay calm outside when i asked about it thinking always someone can take the chance to be honest, but he lied so well. i asked again and he lied and said “i don’t know what you are talking about.” as if i was crazy. since then I can’t feel secure. the one thing i thought made him good was gone too.

porno was okay before that point but after it wasnt when i would come home from work nine months preganant and he didnt turn over to greet me he just downloaded naked pic after pic i told him i wasnt ok with it anyore;

i have becomeajealous insecure person waiting for the next foot to fall and i try everyday to be a strong person but i am a horrible person

when i look at my girl i see myself and i see him and i love him i know this but i cn’t say i love you anymore; i am angry inside especially because i am alone in this place; my friends and family are far so he is my only friend and sometimes i hate him; i resent him and i have no faith no faith; i check his mail i check his phone i even…god i am so ashamed…i even got jealous this week because he was paying attention to my girl friend. it is not just that he was paying attention its that he took very opportunity to belittle me and insult me in public before i met up with her for the weekend and then twice in front of her and a third time within earshot and yet he could laugh with her and talk to her and so sweetly and passionately; it was like i wan’t there. and i know she is more his physical type so to all of us be in our bathing suits i just thought yeah look at how happy he is with her; at the end of the day i just stopped talk ing because i felt so small. i tried to fight with myself and say be strong you love your friend and you love him and you need to be happy but the last thing he did just plays back in my head; i was standing a few feet away looking waiting for him to talk to me and he doesn’t see me at all he calls her name like hes singing and askes her to talk to him by the fire. five minutes later when he sees me walk by he asks me to join but like an after thought. he stays out there a long time and for me now its like i feel i am going crazy and this is a time when i am really fragile/ i just had a baby and i need someone to make me feel like they love me. he says he loves me everyday but instead of that why can’t i feel it; i feel so embarassed because i feel like everyone can see how hateful i am. he says i am jealous and said “what? you want me to treat you like you’re the only girl in the world.”

i lash out and he says “i am not talking to you anymore youre crazy this conversation is over” but i still want to talk and he provokes me and when i am in tears he mocks me. i then hit him.

i cried so much last night that i was sick all day today and am sick still tonight.

i am not an ugly girl. i am pretty and i was during the whole preganancy. people think my daughter is my little sister andthat i am 19. i am educated and yet i feel like i am nothing. that everyone is better then me and i can not see the silver lining. today i am on this webste because i cant go on anymore; i want to separate with my man because i am so unhappy so hateful i want to hurt him i want to go out and hurt him and i realize that i am looking for a way out because i am in pain and he mocks me when i try to talk to him so i feel i have no where to go but away: buti am here beause i have a baby girl who is so beautiful and before she realizes that mommy and daddy are real shits to each other and really bad people i need to either leave and try to be a good mother or stay and try to be a good wife and person and mother. i need to put this out there.

so i’ve figured out that the more weight that i lose, the less insecure i feel. it helps motivate me to lose more weight, as well as try new things. i used to be kind of adventurous, but now i’m willing to try and do anything. i even went skinny dipping a couple of times last week- and yes, i was the first one in the water! pretty shocking for me if i may say so myself! well, hopefully i can do something just as crazy and out of character this week…