Try something I'm afraid of doing

ive always hidden behind people .. almost never a leader or one to speak up. its amazing all the stuff ive done… i need to be a leader. my mom told me the other day that i was the 1st baby born at my hospital and then the rest started comin. i was born july 4th im supposed to be an independece baby… when will my leadership skills kick in?? is it ok for me to be afraid of noone listening to me or agreeing with me, or even walking away from me…but im already physically and mentally tired wat more can i do or be…..wat can i lead??

fairly religiously lately. Sometimes the thought of going out into a world where I am the foreigner is something incredibly hard to overcome.

I love being in Japan, but things like heading out to find a replacement case for our computer or refilling an ink cartridge or finding a new book release in English is a huge adventure. What used to be accomplished by a 20-60 minute trip now takes a couple of hours with travel, finding a way around a new town, and creative communication.

Add to that learning how to drive on the opposite side of the car on the opposite side of the road and I think my head may explode.

I’m SO glad that Japan has an amazing public transportation system!

It’s been WAY too long since I’ve spent time here at 43Things! The 5K went amazingly well and we’re still running occasionally, though we’re not pressing to increase our distance. We run because we enjoy it and we’re not looking to push too hard just yet.

It’s been awesome, physically speaking, and nothing can clear my head like taking time for a mile or two. Suddenly the everyday worries just drift away and all I’m concerned with is keeping pace or keeping form or keeping ahead of that snail behind me…

Even better than completing a 5K is being able to run regularly without something hurting the next day. Starting out was so hard – we were slow and walked often and after runs we’d get achy. Being on a military base didn’t help matters as we’re surrounded by folks who have to run a certain distance within a certain time limit. From personal experience, I tell you that having someone blow past you when you felt you were at a good pace can be a bit daunting.

We stuck with it and we’ve done so well!

Well, I did.. and I love it. I really can’t get enough of it. Now on to the next fear.

Alison is someone I haven’t really mentioned here yet and she’s kinda crucial to this particular upcoming tidbit of goal achieving goodness. So who da heck is Alison? She’s fan-freakin’-tastic. She’s not only my workout partner, one of the bestest people on the planet and a chick who happens to have taken up permanent residence in my head. (no, she’s not an imaginary friend, but she DOES rearrange the furniture in my head) she’s helping keep me motivated to try new things.

The latest and greatest is running a 5K race. The idea of it scares the crap out of me – will we be able to run it all? What will our final time be? Will we push too hard or go too easy? Can we really DO this?

Alison puts one foot in front of the other and keeps us moving towards running our first race. When we go on runs and workout together, we stay motivated, have fun and continually move towards a healthier, more active lifestyle.

Part of it’s odd because I feel all grown up when we get up at oh-dark-thirty to go to the gym, but it’s easier to be a little … cheeky, sassy, and a smidge audacious when you know you’ve already ran 3 miles that day and you’re feelin’ good. On the other hand, if we go at night, we know at the end of the day, we’ll can get some frustration out of your system by hitting the trail.

While I feel good about makin’ these changes in my life, I’m still 100% nervous about stepping up and taking a run where we’ll be timed and observed.

But hey – we’ll both get that t-shirt!!!!! ;o)

For those following along with the sporadic posts at home, we’ll be running the 5K during Holland Happenings. w00t!

I did something I was afraid of doing, several things really. It turns out I had reason to fear doing one of the things.

i know what this will be.
it will probably be marriage, because that scares me. but it won’t be a “try” sort of thing, it will be more of a do it sort of thing. there aren’t terribly many things that truly scare me (besides clowns, heights and people) so marriage is definitely at the top of the list right now.

i came really close tonight. lately, i always seem to come close but then i think better of it. so i guess maybe that means it’s all wrong anyway.

There’s something I want to do. I’m chicken. And I wonder what the point is anymore, if there is one. Maybe it’s bad timing or maybe it’s just false, only in my head. I can’t deal with fiction right now. So yeah, I’m still afraid.

And yes, I’m aware of how nuts this sounds.

Several years ago I challenged my fear of heights by having myself lifted 13 stories in the air by a crane while I was in a fabric harness. The way it worked I was horizontal and parallel to the ground. Once I got to the top I had to pull a rip cord and free fall like a pendulum. It was intense. I had it video taped. Now I don’t have as much of a problem with heights.

One time a while back I was off the beaten path in a building and I heard these strange noises. It sounded like the huffing strange breathing of a serial killer in a dozen slasher flicks. I girded myself and approached it. I turned the corner and was stunned by what I saw. I was mentally prepared to fight with a monstrous individual. I was caught unawares to see two people engaged in coitus. It was somewhat disconcerting. But by turning that door I turned a corner in my development and I act where others debate or worse turn away.

Oh, and I don’t think the kinky couple even noticed me. Alls well that ends well.

Fear is a good thing and acts as a warning system. Fear run rampant is paralyzing. Controlling fear is a worthy goal. Facing your fears is a good way to dissipate them. Fear is a good indicator to analyze a situation. If the fear is illogical: dissipate it!

Another tool I have found useful is the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear found in the Dune series of novels written by Frank Herbert:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I used a variant of this during a bad trip and it proved very useful. I did not discover until too late that the joint was laced and I had to ride a real bad trip out. Today I don’t do such silly things as trying drugs recreationally but I do have the Litany Against Fear if I encounter something that incurs the paralysis of fear.

Keep conquering your fears. Perhaps in the end there is only fear itself to conquer.