create a "what are you waiting for?" Dream list

I think that it has been a wonderful exercise. With every list I make from 101 things in 1001 days, to my original 43 things list, then on to my “life goals” list and now my “dream list” I find he things that are the most important to me keep resurfacing. It has really been an effort of self-discovery. It is like cleaning out your closet, something you “have” to keep, you just can’t bear to let them go, some you are wishy washy about, you want them but they would not be what you grab if there was a fire, and then there is the stuff that won’t be missed if you threw it away. That is how all this list making has become. I think I know what is really important to me, what I really really want. The rest would all be nice to do or have and they may very well still be fulfilled but ifI died without having completed them, I will not feel like I lost something of importance.

Dream list, here I come!

I am waiting for everything to be perfect, lose the weight I need to lose so I will feel comfortable naked in front of him, make sure the house is clean enough that I wouldn’t be embarassed, have the time and finances available to enjoy the things I wold want to do with a partner like travel, dine out and so forth. Have the confidence that wll attract a worthwhile individual. How can I expect something better when I feel like the goods I am offereing is not quite good enough for what I want? I am working on all of it but it is not moving fast enough for me. In the meantime, I miss intimacy, companionship, friendship.

These are the things stopping me.

along with the fact that I am scared out of my wits of getting hurt again. So much so that even if I found the right person I am not sure if I would have the guts to pursue the relationship.