be loved by my sister

yesterday she got mad when I told her about going home myself late in the night. She picked me up in front of that coffeecorner. Anyway, I just knew it. Yeah.

yesterday, she got mad when I said that I’m going home by myself late in the night, and though she had a long and deep grumbling, she picked me up in front of that coffee corner.
i just knew it.

(I suppose she always did.)
I hope she will show it someday, though.

by chance this afternoon. We went shopping for my father’s Christmas present. It was nice, but I’m getting tired of her looking down at me.

She was very pretty (and I a bit jealous), and it was really nice.
If only it happened once or twice every month and not once every four months…

True, it was about how mean our bitchy step-grandmother is, about a trial because of our dead grandfather, about divorces and so.
But our family IS crazy, that’s a fact and I really can deal with it. Feeling like I actually exist for my sister is new. And feels great.

I saw her! Last week! For like two whole hours! And we chatted and laughed and had fun.

¤happy¤

She called today. From the Haven, where she got the idea of a Cousins Gathering to be held in… August 2006. A whole week, nobody but us (no aunts, no other relatives).

Since there are 11 of us, age 4 to 30, she’s going to have a hard time taking care of it. Since my grandparents are getting old, since the family’s starting to rip apart, it’s a very good idea. An important benchmark, a last attempt to bring us back together. I hardly know the younger ones. Whattheheck, I hardly know any of them except for Cécile. I saw Mathilde only once. I last met Angèle 6 years ago. I wouldn’t know Sébastien if I bumped into him.

I used to be so closed to Fred. I used to love the noise, the laughters, the rampant hysteria. They’re strangers now. More accurately: I am a stranger now. Despite the anger & the silent grudges, they’re still pretty close to each other.

The truth is, I’m afraid. Not of my cousins (they’re younger than me, I always can look down at them) but of my aunts and uncles.

Shhhh.

This morning, L asked “By the way, how is your sister?”. I burst into tears. 3 months since I was in touch with her. It fucking hurts.

...and she cancelled yesterday.