impress myself

if i truly impress myself, i will know i did something just for me. i want to make myself who i want to be. sitting on it like i am is lazy and unpleasant.i would love to show myself i can do it.

I have this thing about trying new things (no matter how big or small) when the opportunity comes up – but I never seem to be surprised with the end result. Just once I’d really like to do something that makes me sit-up and go “wow, I really did that”... just once I’d like to look at back at my own efforts and go, “hell yeh, I’m impressed!!”

when in doubt, list (in the past five years): everything you love doing, every leadership position you’ve held, every service activity you’ve participated in, every honour or award you’ve received, every community activity you’ve participated in.

Or just fill out an application for the National Honour Society.

I want to be a good person, someone worth being.
I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror.
I want to love myself.

I think I go through days doing things with certain expectations of trying to impress others, so I decided that I want to do what I want without seeking anything from others in hopes that eventually I will be happy with myself because I’m doing my own thing. I hope that makes sense.

Every other day.

This is most assuredly a continuing goal – but for now, I feel like I’m developing a really good balance between my wants and my needs. Slowly but surely I’m tackling my desires and my goals one by one and occasionally, an accomplishment sneaks up and tacklehugs me.

It’s such a great feeling!

Sometimes I know I just need to push myself and get out of a rut. One of these days I hope I can jump in and do it in a minorly spectacular way… take a kayaking course or decide to take a week’s vacation and point the car in THAT direction and just GO.

For now though, a simple realization that things are stagnant and need to be changed is enough. Seeing things for what they are is sometimes easier when you’re not in the thick of it… standing back and trying to get an objective look isn’t easy, but it can be well worth it!

(btw, on a completely unrelated note, I’m swapping my left and right hands when I’m typing. For instance, I’ll type d when I want to type k and not catch it until later. What’s up with THAT????)

is something I lack in odd ways. I can stand in front of a medium sized crowd, tell stories, give speeches, etc. I can walk up to strangers and talk about just about anything. I can play music in front of dozens of people, and sight read without a second thought.

Put a pencil in my hand and I’ll write you a story… but I won’t want you to read it. Expect me to draw and I go into convulsions. Paint? Well, I can – but the results are just plain scary.

SO! Today, I go out, I buy canvas, I buy paint. Tomorrow, I will suck it up and put up two original creations in my livingroom.

The bonus? If I don’t like it, then I get more canvas and try again. ;)