Dear 43 Things Users,

10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.

Starting today, 43 Things users can export their goals and entries from the site. Starting August 15, we will make the site “read only”. 43 Things users will still be able to view the site and export their content, but we won’t be taking any new content from users. We hope to leave the site up for folks to see and download their content until the end of the year. Ending on New Year’s Eve takes us full circle.

It has been a long ride (one of our original goals was to "build a company that lasts at least 2 years” - we beat that one!) While we wish the site could live on, it has suffered from a number of challenges - changes in how people use the site, the advertising industry, and how search engines view the site. We wish the outcome was different – but we’ve always been realistic about when our goals are met and when they aren't.

As of today, you will be able to download your goals and entries. See more about that on the FAQ page. Thanks for 10 great years of goal-setting and achieving.

- The Robots.

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carve away everything that is not me

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outofthecloudsseems a better way to start

originally i was going to have the goal of ‘Be myself’, but when i came across this goal figured it would be the better start to finding the lost parts of me. after all you need to remove the bad in order to make room for the good.

a quick brainstorm list:
*the TV possessed soul who took away a love of reading
*the meek creature who allows people to win arguments without any rebuttle
*the fear of the odd comments of others preventing the pursual of projects and hobbies
*dulling of the quirky sense of inner fashion, the smothering of a love for crazy and colorful underthings (sorry for the TMI)

all need to be pared away to reveal the beauty underneath. 4 years ago


I am tired of hiding behind normal. Tired of covering up what I love for the sake of others. I am proud of my tattoos. And want to sport them PROUDLY. Wear what I want …. I’m tired of my job because I know there is better out there. I’m a hairdresser-i should be able to let my creativity shine. 4 years ago

N2thecalmb4thestormThere is a great disconnect

between the person I am in my mind and the body in which I walk around in life. This primarily has to do with extra weight. I am often surprised when I see my full-length reflection and am reminded that I am currently traveling through my life in a body that does not reflect the person I am inside. I take full responsibility for this as I am the one who controls how I take care of my body. It is my job to improve it.

I have no desire to reach some model-thin ideal or turn back time nor do I want to achieve a perfect body. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and be able to dress in a way that represents the person inside me.

I have my work cut out for me but the reward will certainly be worth the work. 4 years ago

N2thecalmb4thestormI am not plain vanilla (Lacking adornments or special features; basic or ordinary)

inside or out

I have red hair and tattoos and like to do “fun things” with nail decorations.
I love art, music, thinking outside the box, brainstorming, staying up all night, discussing quirky topics, using my imagination, and sometimes providing TMI.

I work with a conservative group of people who would prefer that I not be this way. 4 years ago

N2thecalmb4thestormI am NOT a morning person.

If left to my own devices and no set schedule, such as an at-home vacation, I always find myself slipping into a routine of being awake at night and going to bed in the morning. I function exceedingly well that way. Unfortunately, that routine does not fit in well with the rest of the world.

I have struggled for years to fit in a world, most of which, is structured around starting a day in the morning. It seems reasonable enough. After all, that is when the sun comes up and when it becomes light out, making outside and even inside activities easier due to better visibility.

The profession I have chosen and otherwise enjoy follows the typical schedule with the work day beginning in the morning. Fortunately, my employer offers flexible work schedules allowing me to start my work day as late as 9:00 a.m. This, of course, is still early for me, but it is very helpful to have that option.

In all other respects, though, I have found myself continually trying to become a morning person so as to fit in with the standard and take advantage of all of the benefits of rising early and getting numerous things done before going to work. It all sounds so reasonable and desirable: Get up early, have some quiet time, do some journaling, make and eat breakfast, have a cup of coffee on the deck and listen to the birds – all before getting ready for work and still getting to work on time.

I have tried for so long to reach that goal of being a morning person and being enviably productive first thing in the morning. Instead I continue to find it a struggle just to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. I think it is time I accepted the fact that I am not – and probably will never be – a morning person. Instead of trying to get up earlier and getting more done in the morning before leaving my house, I am going to concentrate on being the best non-morning person I can be.

I will focus on getting more things done in the evening in preparation for the next morning so that I can get up just early enough to allow myself sufficient time to get ready for work without hurrying or worrying about being late to work. 4 years ago

N2thecalmb4thestormI am not perfect,

nor do I need to be

I need to stop expecting perfection from myself
and others need to stop expecting it from me 4 years ago

new_startI am not...

what my mother thinks of me.

But how do I ever carve that away?

I can only push it down for so long.

It always, always come back.
And I’ll never truly live as long as it does. 5 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.50 Entries

Seems like a good stopping point.

I’m ready to transition away from looking for what is not me, and start focusing on what is me.

Thanks to everyone for all the cheers and support, and best wishes to the others who are still on their journey with this one! 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Strictly Sexual Relationships Are Not Me

GoodbyeandThankYouVeryMuch. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Self-Judgement is Not Me

It’s difficult to let go of, but it will be so worth it. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Relationships with Narcissistic Snarks are Not Me!

I ended one this morning, very civilly.

I feel very good. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.My Childhood is Not Me

It’s another “carve or be carved” moment: 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Other People's Drama is Not Me, part II

The same friend who canceled her visit a while back is on my radar again.

We leave each other lots of messages, and last week, she mentioned casually that she was overwhelmed and that she deleted my messages. No big deal.

Except I think, Why bother leaving them if she’s going to delete them without listening?! I understand that people get overwhelmed, but in the years that we’ve been friends, I have listened to everything she’s had to say… when I felt overwhelmed by messages, I listened to them later.

She called to apologize, but the apology was of the variety that goes, “I’m sorry your feelings are hurt,” which doesn’t rate as an actual apology in my book.

It all only happened Friday, and I’m maintaining radio silence until I know what to do.

Today is not that day… 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Carve or be Carved

It’s been days since I’ve heard from any of the fellas that I’m interested in, and I am certain that my Higher Power has got me on a hard-core lesson.

So, I’m not doing anything. I’m waiting. And being carved. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Obsession About Men is NOT Me!!

I know that, with the amount of time I devote to it, obsession sure looks like me, but I assure you, it is not!

This morning, I had a vision of the current Object of my Obsession wiggling on a fish hook. I ipctured myself removing him gently, and releasing him into a vast ocean.

I did that about 27 times, and I’ll do it as many times as it takes until I stop thinking about him! 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Margarita Mix

Definitely not me. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Other People's Drama is Not Me!

I have a friend that is supposed to visit for the weekend, to attend a 12-step conference with me, BUT

  • Her other BFF is expecting a baby on Monday, and my friend is the labor coach. Because of preeclamsia, they’re inducing a couple of weeks early.
  • Her laundry isn’t done… she’ll have to bring dirty clothes and wash them here.
  • She is a college instructor, and way behind on grading her papers. She will have to bring them if she comes, and grade them here.
  • Which means she doesn’t want to stop by the gig at my friend’s gallery tomorrow night that I’m planning to attend for about an hour…
  • And she won’t attend the play on Sunday night that our other friend directed. It’s free, about 70 minutes long, and important to him that we’re there to support his work.
  • AND she passed on hiking Sunday morning, because she’s concerned about her poor fitness level, and she needs to grade those papers.
  • Plus, her husband wants her to stay with him in their town for the weekend. He’s just getting over walking pneumonia.
  • Finally, there just happens to be a 12-step conference of the same program in her town this weekend, as well. They announced it after she scheduled her trip here.

I returned her Voicemail of Distress with a message suggesting that she consider the energy she would bring into my home this weekend! The Teenager & I have worked hard to create a serene environment. I love my friend, but I don’t wish to be a handmaiden to the chaos that is threatening to Tasmanian-Devil its way in with her.

I visited her last month during a personal crisis of hers, and I carefully composed my energy before arriving at her home to spend a couple of days helping her with housekeeping and keeping her wits about her during that trying time, and I am requesting a mere modicum of the same respect.

I have an easy, restorative weekend planned: get some recovery at the meetings in my town tonight, sleep in tomorrow and then hang out at the conference some more… drop by my friend’s gallery for some hugs and a cold beer tomorrow night. Sleep well and long Saturday night, and take an easy hike on Sunday morning, and then hang out for some free theatre directed by another friend on Sunday night.

That’s my plan, whether my friend visits or not! 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Feeding my Demons

It’s not exactly a carving away, but I’m calling out my demons (Unlovability, Anger at Mr Wonderful, Compulsion to Poverty), and feeding them to complete satisfaction, transforming them into allies (Comfort, Safety, Love), and re-integrating them into myself so that I’m not so splintered-off.

It is surprisingly simple and creative inner work (though usually deeply uncomfortable while I’m doing it) that has profound, awe-inspiring results, and I am so grateful to have found it. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Filibustering is Not Me!

...but it’s a tough habit to break!

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Until...

Until I look around and think, Yes, it’s only me in this space, there will be more to do. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Glass-Half-Empty Friends are Not Me

I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I spent a lo-ong day yesterday with one who has not, in recent (or any) memory, ever brought any positivity or enthusiasm to our time together.

That particular dynamic, that particular friendship, is no longer me. I will no longer be the only person who is holding space for our group to have a good time.

Goodbye, old friend… 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Judgement is not Me!

Uh-oh… I have discovered what those close to me have probably known all along: I am terribly judgemental. I’d like to replace that particular character trait with acceptance.

Well, it’s good to have a goal! 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Well, And...

I’m having difficulty in my relationship with my mother. Many of her beliefs, behaviors, and values are not me.

My challenge is, how to have a relationship with her without co-signing on her bullshit,and it is not easy.

Working on it… 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Yikes!

I accepted a job last week that is not me… and I decided over the weekend that I can’t do it. Won’t do it. So, when I called the boss to say so, I learned from his voice mail that he’s on vacation until January 2, and the job starts the 9th.

So, I quit on a voice mail.

It makes me thoroughly uncomfortable, but I must say, if the bridge is burnt, it would simplify my life greatly, once and for all. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Clothes Bought With/By the Ex Are SERIOUSLY Not Me!

Genius that I am, I went through some of my clothes with a male friend of mine who thinks I’m sexy on toast, and whose esthetic sense is similar to mine.

He did the old thumbs-up, thumbs down thing on my piles of sexy clothes, and supported me in eliminating a lot of old ideas, manifested as clothing. Many of which were bought under the influence of the ex, who seemed to think that I had escaped from a Poison video or something. Blech.

I am a classy, stylish woman, not a head-banging mall rat!

I feel much better! 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Too Much Stuff is Not Me!

I called in sick to work today, because I am sick of the state of my home.

All the stress in my life for the past several weeks has had me doing massive stash-and-dashes, adding up to an environment that has become difficult to navigate and does not support my well-being. Things had become dirty and disorganized, and I couldn’t take it for one more day!

I’ve mad a commitment to myself to spend the entire six hours I would have been at work, restoring order to my lovely little home, following the Flylday Crisis Cleaning guidelines: 15 minutes per area for three different areas, and a 15-minute break each hour.

I have, thus far, eliminated quite a bit of clutter and trash, cleaned out a closet for my sister, pared down & organized my own clothes closet, hidden away all my bondage paraphernalia (no 17-year-old needs exposure to her older sister’s x-rated hobbies!), begun the labeling of the kitchen drawers (there are a dozen of them, and I want it to be easy for her to find things), and posted three ads on craigslist to sell some of my excess stuff, and bagged up a healthy amount of items to donate to the Goodwill!

And as soon as my timer goes off, it will be back to work, for two more hours! 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Is it Possible? Is the Miata becoming Not Me?

For nearly two years, my fabulous little Miata just hasn’t been doing it for me. I bought it six years ago, and everything used to be different: I wanted a sexy car with great gas mileage that would be reliable, and easy to park. Which is what I got. And I have loved it, but…

Now I want a car that I can use for camping, traveling, toting gear. The Miata was a great way to get noticed, but in an Element I’ll be able to get laid.


I’m just saying… 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry.Cable TV is not me right now...

I’m monumentally busy, and I’m finally finished hiding in my apartment and grieving my failed relationship.

The cable box goes back tomorrow. 6 years ago

Spydergrl is the proud gf of a motorcycle racer!Untitled

There are so many old beliefs and attitudes that i really need to discard from my everyday routine. 6 years ago

The Empress Knows what Rivers Know: There is no hurry."Poor Little Fat Girl" is NOT ME!!!

I’ve been eating junk since Saturday… oh, the stress, oh, the drama! I deserve some curly fries, what with everything I’m going through!

This morning, I ate nonfat cottage cheese and mandarin oranges for breakfast, and I enjoyed it.

One meal at a time, I want to eat what’s best for my body, and what will really help me deal with the stress I’m experiencing. 6 years ago

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