Sometimes you just get stuck in a rut. When you are with people who love hiking with a passion while you loathe it, what are you to do? You have two directions. Left, go hiking with them even if you feel like dying. Right, not go with them because you simply don’t like it.
So everyone who knows what they want would choose the right option. I know what I want. But I do not act on it. Au contraire, I take left. Even if I don’t want it. Why? Well…I suppose it’s because I don’t want to feel left out. I suppose I want to please them. I suppose I don’t want to be the only individual.
I feel like people scrutinize me when I am about to make a descision in their presence. They will have their thoughts on whichever choice I make, good or bad. That somewhat bothers me. So I tend to make rash descisions while doing so. Horrible, I know.
I wouldn’t call this peer pressure. No one is telling me what to do. I simply do what I want to make people think a certain way of me, I guess.
My family and close knit of friends are the only ones that I can act normally around. Which is good considering they like me for who I am.
Am I putting up a facade? I don’t know.
