figure out my next steps toward my calling

It is: to help people to further their potential, to develop skills and to educate themselves all in an effort to increase their lot and move towards empowerment. The idea that people can learn how to learn, can develop themselves, can pinpoint either practical skills that mean that they can support their families and give themselves dignity…or that they can move further from that and learn how to interact and learn from each other and how to pass on their skills and facilitate some education in those around them. I want to help with this, I want to be a part of this, I want to help shape this.

I have found it very hard to really find what it is I want to do. I know I am a people person and I loved some of my past jobs particularly-retail and as a tour guide. I loved working with people, being in a small organisation where I get the chance to see how everything works and I have the freedom to move around in a less bureaucratic environment. I am now in a very very bureaucratic environment in a university. I really dont like it but I have got stuck here really. My parents suggested it and it sounded like a good idea at the time. Shortly afterwards, they pushed me to start saving almost half my earnings each month towards a house. So, I still live at home at nearly 25 years old as well. So, I am stuck here, or I have to find a job that pays much much more so that I can afford the costs of transport and such that it would entail, and possibly let me move out of home.

Here is what I have discovered:

1) I LOVE cooking. I love the thought process, the experimenting and I am actively starting to get into this in a big way. That said, I am not sure if it is still just a novelty and brooding instinct because i am so happy with my boyfriend and our relationship. There are days when cooking is the last thing i want to do, but i guess everyone is like that. I have done a short cookery course and loved the atmosphere and everything about it. Maybe I should look at this is a profession?

2) I love people and I want to help people in an educational, mentoring capacity. I did training to be a child mentor and the organisation dropped me. I pushed the issue and now I am designing training units for a parenting course targeting immigrant parents and integration into Irish society. When I discuss this, when I am planning this, things just come so easily. I can easily think of scenarios, useful roleplays and activities to help them to interact, open up and think about things. I am waiting to start training with another organisation instead where I will then teach adults how to read and write. That is where I am really wanting to be, but it is all voluntary and unpaid.

3) I loved tour guiding. I love the buzz of chatting and informing people, the idea that they will ask me questions and I can tell them about Dublin. I got a huge cheshire grin on my face every time I did a tour and I still do them once a year for new postgraduate students. The performance, but more than anything, telling people about all the fascinating things about Dublin, all the little stories, all the best places to eat, to shop and all the medieval history…its great!!

3) I am passionate about learning modern greek. I am going to Greece to learn it at a language school after 3 years of struggling to teach myself. I dream of setting up an import company that brings in greek produce and I sell it and help to raise knowledge of greek food and source it from small organic farmers or small cottage industries.

4) I have had an interview with a recruitment agency with the possibility of being hired as a junior recruitement consultant. Its a sales job and I know I could get people placed and find new companies who would value our service. However, its a sales job and as my boyfriend says, I am too nice a person to be doing such a job. But, its structured, its a small company, targets give me parameters, but I still have the discretion to reach that target however I like in terms of relationship building and such.

HELP!! I have so many things I dont know where to start. I am so itching to leave this place, but I cant until I have come back from Greece feasibly, since no commerical place would take me if I already have 3 weeks booked holidays when they may want to do training with me. Also, I want to move out so badly. I dont want to move in with my boyf yet, its too soon, so I guess that is something I will have to compromise on and stay at home for a little while longer, at least till next year when I have finished saving, or when I am paid more. Any ideas….I need help to martial things and really have a plan of what to do next!

how very happy & satisfied I feel to have a hand right now in getting two particularly important projects into publication.

1. A collection of photos by a local African American photographer who has taken a couple of trips to Central/Caribbean/South America to document the lives of fellow members of the African Diaspora. His work is just beautiful & very moving. And if you have been around me for a while, you know that making the struggles of Afro-Colombians known is one of my passions! Michael is self-publishing this book, and I’m doing the manuscript editing and getting it set up for the designer. What a privilege to work on it!

Michael & I are also talking about applying for grants to allow us to travel to Colombia together, perhaps next year (he hasn’t been there yet), so he can photograph & I can interpret & perhaps write. How exciting!

2. A young man who served (with high honors) as a U.S. soldier in Iraq became a conscientious objector after he returned from his service there & had a chance to process it in the light of his Christian faith. As you may know, the U.S. Army is very unhappy with soldiers who raise objections of conscience; often they have to serve jail terms. This young man managed to avoid that, won a discharge, has become active in the antiwar movement, did a short stint in Palestine with Christian Peacemaker Teams, & is now ready to write a book reflecting on his experiences. He has done a lot of work on his proposal, & I’m about to read it closely, give him feedback, & then, when it’s ready, hook him up with an interested editor at my former workplace, which is his preferred publisher.

The first project is paid work for me; the second (which involves much less time) is volunteer. Both feel like expressions of my calling as an editor & social justice advocate. I’m so thankful.

(I do feel the need to add a note: I’m not a “book doctor,” & I actually work with private clients [as opposed to publishing companies] very seldom. So if you happen to be looking for someone to review your manuscript & give you feedback, I’m not the person you need! My hands are more than full with my own writing & my job. Fortunately there are lots of people out there who do work with private clients to polish their manuscripts. Check ads in magazines for writers.)

(2nd note: Apologies for that caveat—it does feel necessary, though.)

I got the job!

I start October 2.

Thanks, everybody, for your encouragement!!

it looks as if they’re going to offer me the job! The m.e. called just now for a clarification. I had said I wouldn’t be able to begin till October, because I have several projects in the hopper. She was wondering whether any of those projects were from HER company, because of course in that case I could start earlier, bring them along & finish them in house. However, she assured me, as she had before, that having to wait till October would not shut the door on the position.

I said actually I’m finishing a project for her company right now, but this one needs to be done ASAP to stay on schedule. The other projects in the hopper are from other companies.

She has been very very busy this week & has only been able to leave messages for my references. I assume that the rules of university bureaucracy require her to speak with them before hiring me.

It was a rather amusing conversation because everything is still theoretical at this point-technically no job is being offered. But she assured me that sometime next week she’ll be able to get back to me. And the message seems to be “Please don’t take on any MORE freelance projects-we need you!” :-)

went really well, I think! Took nearly two hours. The list of questions sparked loads of good conversation. I liked the managing editor, whom I had “met” before only by phone. We seemed to click. At the end she introduced me to the assistant managing editor, whom I also liked.

It seems that people who work there, at least in this department, tend to stay forever—in other words, it’s a good place to work.

I enjoyed the commute by train, partly because it gave me the rare luxury of reading almost an entire book (a fast read, Anne Lamott’s Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith). Also, it involved switching trains in the Loop (Chicago’s very lively downtown), which meant walking a few blocks. I like the idea of spending a few minutes in the Loop every weekday, with all the hustle & bustle.

The m.e. told me that she has a good number of other people to interview the rest of this week & next. So I won’t expect to hear back for at least two weeks. I’m not going to set my heart on it, but it does look like a very good match.

Thanks for all the encouragement, friends!

I just talked with the managing editor at the university press-she had set up a phone appointment with me. She let me know that my salary requirements are doable-I would be on the high end of the pay scale, but that would be justified because I’m highly experienced. That makes me feel so good!

The benefits are good too, with lots of options. Starting vacation allotment is three weeks, plus five personal days—in effect, four weeks’ vacation right off the bat.

She sounds pleased that I want to pursue this further. I’m pleased & thankful too. I’ll go to the press to meet her & answer required questions & so forth on Tuesday Aug. 8. In the meantime, I’ll be praying for clarity.

I didn’t think I’d have more to write about on this goal so soon, but one never knows . . . Today the editor I work with most closely at a very prestigious local university press called to thank me for my skillful, diplomatic responses to a quirky author. AND she wanted to let me know that the press has a job posted that I would be qualified for if I were interested, & probably another one will be posted soon.

I went to the website & looked, & indeed the job fits my experience to a T. I have gathered that they currently have no Spanish speakers in house, so probably I would end up working with all the manuscripts having to do with the Spanish language & Spanish or Latin American history/culture/sociology/literature. I could use public transportation for commuting (the relevant train station is about a mile from home, so walking would be part of my daily exercise). I’d have better benefits than I can afford as a freelancer. Because it’s a university press, I would likely have access to a gym & maybe free tuition for one course per semester. The university offers a masters program in creative writing that is not an MFA but bears an uncanny resemblance to the interdisciplinary program I have dreamed of putting together for myself!

I would no longer have to drum up my work or (figuratively) bite my fingernails when checks don’t arrive promptly. On the other hand, there’d be less flexibility. But I could do occasional work on the side for extra cash.

So I’m going to apply. Apparently that’s the only way I can find out how much it pays. But I’m guessing that the pay can be negotiated. I’m not going to get excited until all the facts are before me, but I am allowing myself to feel encouraged. :-)

I’ve now got a 12-page ‘map’ of what I know aobut my ‘calling’ & what qualities are vital to me (with detail down to: number of hours spent at a desk)

I’m adding to it everyday… & putting my focus there.
been having some wierd dreams since I started this… just started noting them down…

Despite lack of opposable thumbs, not to mention height, my cat is a very skilled escape artist. He can get through almost any door in this apartment that we close to try and keep him in. He’ll be trying to get his little paw under or around a door that’s securely latched, and I just shake my head and smile with affection that he’s such a stubborn little scrapper. Twenty minutes later he’s still at it, heaving all his weight against the door and jiggling it in its frame. Let me tell you, the sound of jiggling doors can get really annoying after an hour. But he’s got nothing if not time, and he wants that door open—badly. I swear he doesn’t even really want to go into, say, the bathroom and hang out. He just wants the option to go into the bathroom it he feels like it, later. He wants the door open.

We try to be consistent, to always latch all doors securely so he will eventually learn that there are certain doors he will never be able to get open. (And then we’ll never hear that jiggling door noise again!) But even with the doors that do latch securely, we rush through leaving them loosely latched often enough that what he has really learned is that there’s always a chance.

I want to be more like my cat in this process, to never stop looking for my passions and following them. Instead it feels like I move in fits and starts, with long breaks in between. I think I am doing a better job lately of being more like my cat, being persistent, and “keeping my nose on the joy trail.”