Yes, got the job! This totally vindicates failing the bar b/c for sure I would have made my current position permanent and not even have looked for a job. 6 years ago
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Today, or rather, right now, I am in a really bad mood. I turned off my cell phone.
I handed in my notice. I can’t bare that job one more day. As usual, I’m wracked with ambivalence. Will I suffer for being rash? The truth is that the job was/is ending. This puts everyone out of their misery.
I still haven’t heard fron the job. I actually called. I think I caught the guy off guard. He sounded annoyed. These places make you feel like they’ve hired you. Then suddenly, they have “to decide.”
I think I would fit in but I have other schemes to think about.
Thinking about doing something rash, like…like… just doing whatever the hell I want. Moving to Barcelona. I could live w/ Chris, I’m sure. What is here for me? I could live in Rotterdam w/ A. I have to get out of here. Now I sort of don’t want the job. “F” it. 6 years ago
Waiting to hear about a job interview that I had Thursday. Really want this job. I feel like it could be the start of something really good for me.
It’s entry level but there is a lot of room for growth. The problem is that the salary is stupid low. It’s really too low to live off of. What a dilemma! I am trying to quit my waitressing job but with this salary, how can I?
I just sent a resume for another waitressing job…
I feel like I have some many issues that even this guy I am “seeing” noticed. He feels all this tension in my life. What man could want me?
The temp job that I have sucks tremendously. The girl I work with is a bit weird. She’s competitive and there is nothing to compete for except accolades. Let her have them. I really don’t care. One of my supervisors seriously grates my nerves. I just can’t stand her. She’s obnoxious to boot and seems to be in love with the girl I work with. It’s like she’s infatuated with her. Who cares, just leave me alone.
The one supervisor that I do like, is very quiet like me and I hardly see her. What a pity.
Anyway, at a low point. If I don’t get this job, I really don’t know what i will do. Especially since I suffered such a disappointment with the bar. The only good that came out of that is that I immediately told my temp job that I was no longer interested in the position. 6 years ago
I am tormented. I need to talk to someone. I have no judgment over what to do.
The thrust of it all is that I am considering leaving the art world altogether for two years. Two years out of the game is deadly. It’s hard to not be stale as it is.
I ran into someone from school. All of my peers are working in the art world. That says a lot for our training.
I am getting published in a month so I feel vindicated but what’s the next thing? I feel like, as a freelancer, the joy of the win is quickly spoiled by the unknown.
On the one hand, if I work, i can get the money to buy the things I need, like a cintiq tablet and a desktop.
And I can pay for studio space. I decided that having a studio is the best thing for me. I can no longer work at home. It’s too distracting. I figure I could go there after work. I could look at it as an investment in my future.
I really feel like I am not ready to commit to this job. I think I will just say that if the issue comes up. It may not b/c no one has mentioned hiring me.
The thing is, is that I kind of do want to work there. It’s close by and the surrounding are good.
The whole thing is a mess. I need to get paid for my art. That really would fix the problem. 6 years ago
I think I may have found a mentor. Oh, wait. Could that be a goal? Ask someone to mentor me. I need a mentor and a shrink rolled in one.
No seriously. I probably need to be pure of heart. That brings me to, I need a benefactor. A patron. A sugar daddy? No. 6 years ago
Ug! I have to say that I’m grateful, first of all. But that does not change the fact that I think my job sucks.
The people are weird. I just get a weird vibe there that I can’t shake. It’s like some alternative universe.
Strange things keep happening and I can feel the negative vibes of my co-workers.
What’s more, do I really want to do this for 2 years? I mean, it’s such an about-face!
Forcing myself into a super-conservative environment with no rewarding work? Haven’t I gotten past that?
The truth is that it would just be for the salary (if I were to take it permanently). 6 years ago
I need to get on a schedule. This fall is shaping up to be a season of flux. It’ll be like that all the way to December and then the holidays will hit like a torpedo. Bamb!
What next? The best thing about this job is the 4 weeks of vacation. Yes! I can really do some damage with that. I wonder if you can take all 4 weeks at a time? I would probably spend 10 days in India and a week in Switzerland at this fabulous resort.
Wow just looking at the website is enough to make me rethink things.
That alone should make me take this job regardless of the salary. 6 years ago
It’s funny how, not that I have this temp job, I’m not tuned into my designs. Maybe I just need to get through this adjustment period.
I am really into clothes though. Which is fine. Self-expression is important.
I really don’t have the clothing for this job. I have three pairs of dress slacks and no appropriate skirts or dresses. Wait, I have one wool A-line skirt. I was planning to wear it with my Italian pumps with cut out toe, with no stockings. Not sure if this will fly. I really don’t want to blow it by dressing inappropriately. That’s always a dilema.
I just want to make as much money as I can. I realize that if I want to live this lifestyle, I have to be smart. When I have to oppty to work, I should seize it like a fiend.
To be honest, my one weakness now is clothing. There has been a bottleneck of desires. It doesn’t help that I don’t have an appropriate wardrobe right now. 6 years ago
i have so many great ideas about projects, it’s unbelievable! Unfortunately, they all require huge sums of money.
I wrote an article for an internet magazine and then decided that it would be great to be able to produce a video in Amsterdam about the subject. I’ve produced video’s before so that’s not the problem. I could have somewhere to stay for free, so that’s not the issue either. The issue is, who will pay for this great idea?
I need an executive producer.
I just wish I could follow through on the ideas that I have. It’s really frustrating! I feel like because of my financial concerns, I am limited in my experiences in terms of where I can go and what I can do. I just see the whole thing as being unfair. 6 years ago
It was great to be able to complete the designs for the magazine. I totally got into “the zone” once my cousin left. I did one design a day. I could have done more but I had to waitress at night. During the last two days, I just sat at the computer almost 24/7…barely stopping to eat.
My cousin and some others seemed to have a hard time understanding that I was committed to completing this project and that it was very important to me. If I had been working at an office job, it would have been easier for them to accept. My sister also was busting my balls about my focus. If I had a nice car and house to show for my art, nobody would have said anything. But since I don’t, it’s almost like they view this as a hobby.
Whatever, I went out with cousin last Tuesday and I talked to him in person and on the phone. He still seemed a little pissed before he left.
What is it with people coming THROUGH NYC for business or whatever and thinking that I am supposed to drop every freakin’ thing cuz they’re in town. It’s not like they come to visit me specifically!
I sort of an an argument w/ a friend about that. I’m a very non-confrontational person and she said some things to me that were unjustified, given who she is and her pattern of dealing.
She seems to think that I and everyone else owe her. She was actually being a pain. I thought our understanding of our friendship was that she was to be DIFFERENT than my mom and other family.
I made the mistake of telling her that I bought some boots and she ended up throwing that info in my face. What! Oh no! So there goes the intimacy regarding my finances. She’ll never betray me again. She has lost the privilege of knowing details.
Anyway, things have been weird between us. She just was unbelievably needy when she was here. And once she went back home, she asked me for a favor regarding money when she knew I was not really flush. I did it anyway, of course. And I don’t have a problem with that. She never contacted me to say thanks though… Not that I need to hear that. It’s just weird.
This brings me to: I think I may have to shed a couple of friends. It’s not like I’m ego trippin’ or something. I mean, I’m not like royalty. But, I am starting to see some things…
I already shed three “associates” this summer. I guess my position is, I’m all for the tried and true… the loyal. But if you come for me w/ BS, or you have an angle, I can’t hang. 6 years ago
This painting by VV Gogh is quite similar to a sketch of a tree i did in the summer of 2006 at a drawing marathon. I had not seen the painting.
I feel happy about this. Maybe it’s a sign. A while ago, I found an image that was similar to one I had done before seeing it. This is a really funny thing.
All in all, it’s happened three times. I am going to try to get all of the images. 6 years ago
I sent the samples into the design job and I haven’t heard anything. I am so SICK of rude people. I wish they would fall off of the face of the Earth. It’s inexcusable these days now that we have the internet. Use two fingers and just write a few words! Is it really that hard? 6 years ago
I am sitting here watching The Devil Wears Prada. It’s sending shivers down my body. It so reminds me of doing the costume assistant BS. Especially when I delt with the designer from Germany. She swore she was a mix of Patty Fields and Anna Wintour. I swear she must have seen this movie and felt it was ok to treat me like s_it. That’s why I told her off on the last day. And that’s that. ALWAYS treat humans with kindness.
Other stuff – I met with the director and producer of the ever illusive short film that I was hoping to design. I even made them a really cool composite of the characters as I saw them. They loved it. I got on with the director like a house on fire. The producer, not so much. More importantly, I haven’t heard a mumbling word since. Brilliant.
Finally, I did get a hot design assignment. Here’s the kick, it’s part of job interview. Who knows if they’ll use it for their designs? I don’t dare ask. A lowly peon, not even hired, that’s me.
Lastly, my dream job #2 did contact me. Mum’s the word on that one. Dream job #1 has obviously decided to not acknowledge my existence. Whatever. 6 years ago
I slept for 14 hours. I am trying not to use the word “depressed.” I think “deflated” is a better word.
Anyway, I went to the Whitney to see the Summer of Love exhibit. It was so inspirational! It was so refreshing. I feel like my work fits right in. 6 years ago
I have been trying lately to notate all the things I’m grateful for. Things that happen everyday. For example, today I got a filling done and it was painless. The dentist was really good. That’s a blessing.
Other than that, feeling somewhat stressed out. My main waitressing gig has been letting me down lately. Two consecutive weekends, I only worked one of three shows one of the two days I worked. No money whatsoever. 6 years ago
Today was a rotten day from the very moment I awoke (to a severe storm). Part of it is that I am seriously plagued by sinus issues that are now causing me to cough a lot. I hate this malady! It makes me tired and apathetic when it strikes. I just don’t feel like doing anything.
Anyway, I wish something really good would happen to me asap. I just need some sort of boost. I like in a city where it sometimes seems like 99% of the people are on top of their game and going forward. I would love to feel like that. I did a few weeks ago. Now I’m completely deflated.
That idiotic job offer was a complete waste of time. I saw 5-6 people during the interview process and in the end, the last one was the only one to bring up the salary, which was much too low.
I’ll write more under “design.” 6 years ago
Well, sadly, my Sundance submission was not chosen. Nor were the two submissions I entered in art competitions.
And even though I submitted SASEs for both. I haven’t gotten anything back.
The world is a ghetto.
I would be feeling mighty low right now if it were not for the fact that I just saw my name on the big screen. Yes! Really psyched. I worked on a blockbuster in the design dept. and I saw the flic today. Requited effort…I’m feeling much better right now. 6 years ago
Have you ever wondered if you could be a heroin addict? I’ve never touched heroin or any hard drug. Sometimes, however, the thought of “checking out” is very tempting.
It’s too messy and dangerous. I’m not into artificial substances drugs or otherwise. If i were different though, I could probably be Courtney Love, Jimi Hendrix or Janis Joplin…that type.
I think I have a sense of discipline and responsibility that overrides any such impulse.
But that sense of being responsible is taxing in its own right.
The closest I come to “shutting out” is to distance myself from people. Everyone except those closest to me.
This is a stressful time for me right now. But isn’t it always? I am just wanting things to be very different right now. Even as I remain grateful for everything I have.
I’ve been spending a lot of time praying. I suppose I am assuming that things will work out. I know they will. But I feel very raw right now. I can’t stand any type of delay.
What are the details? I lost out on a fab job. The best job that has come my way in quite some time, if not ever. That would have been right on time in many ways. My friend says that you only get what is coming to you. Ok, then don’t tell me about what is not mine.
I have an interview tomorrow. I don’t know what to think about it. I am so afraid of going down a wrong path. That’s what happens when you’re a very responsible person.
Where has going down the right road gotten me. Is there a “right” road”? Is there a “wrong road”? I am starting to think that it’s all the same. 6 years ago
Have an interview for a REGULAR admin job! Yikes! I’m tired of trying to figure out my life.
I was going to try to “tough it out” and just waitress but I kept getting clothes catalogs in the mail. Hey, what can I say? I am seduced.
I do have a figure in my head for how much I will take…a redline number, if you will.
My strategy is to have a job w/ regular hours and take some graphic design and drawing classes. I should make a timeline. If I get this job, i should plan to stay for a certain amount of time while taking a certain number of classes. After that point, I have to be able to get an art job.
In the meantime, I will still produce a _ _ _ _ load of art on my own and keep putting it out there.
And oh yeah, spend one week’s pay on clothing per month. Screw it. At least I’ll have a fab wardrobe while being miserable.
The only thing that could make this right is getting this job and meeting my future husband there. 6 years ago
I need some new goal(s) for my life. I’m striving for a change, as usual.
I got rejected from one of three competitions I entered a few months ago. And as usual, i refuse to look at the winners pieces. Screw them.
I am overcome with a feeling of being on a train that has no direction…or is shadowed by a ghost train, the train of dreams.
Shall I rally? Nothing like a good rally.
What does a “type A” personality do?
I could dive down into the ocean and be dragged downward by a White Shark.
I could walk through this invisible wall that keeps me separated from everything I want.
I could submit this question to a magistrate. The Magistrate of My Destiny. Wouldn’t that be great?
Ok. Enough melodrama for now. 6 years ago
Yesterday I almost caved in. I ran into someone from art school who has a FANTASTIC design job and just got back from China (which is where I’m trying to go just as soon as I get my pennies together).
I’m not envious…it’s just that…wtf? What am I not doing right?
That got me to thinking that I need more training. I did change my focus in school during the last semester and decide not to work in the field in which I am trained.
Can I do another year of school? Parsons has a great AAS program fast tracked that lasts for one year. It’s 30 Gs. Just enough to make me slit my throat.
They also have a certificate program and of course I can take classes part-time. Yawn.
And since I can’t have a sit down with God, I’m trying to figure out what He wants for my life.
With the one year training and the name behind it, I KNOW I will get more work. I may even decide to move to California where there is more work. Ideas… I better just stay focused on the task at hand… 6 years ago
I need something big and good to happen. Something like winning the lottery; suddenly earning thousands of dollars a week; making a killing with an investment; being bequeathed a king’s ransom…something that will give me a large lunp sum of money so that I can use it to make more.
What would also be good is being recognized and sought after artistically. That would help a lot. 6 years ago
I came up with this goal last night as I served yet another cocktail at my night job. Who is this chick who has two waitressing jobs and and three degrees? (No disrespect to any servers out there.)
This goal is sort of the umbrella for a few of my other goals like, “prove them wrong,” “have more money,” “fly first class,” “buy property in a foreign country…”
So what? When is this ‘ish going to change? 6 years ago