Stop being depressed

Im 17 years old and have been depressed for over 4 years. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have pushed everyone aside and no one seems willing to help. I smoke pot to cope with my problems but its only making them worse. Im going in this downward spiral. If I don’t get better soon I might do something stupid.

it might be too soon to speak, but i think i survived my depression. I think I have finally over come it and I can start to live more of a normal life. I wont say I’m never over come with waves every once in a while, but my depression is gone to the extent that its not pulling me down thru my everyday life.

it might be too soon to speak, but i think i survived my depression. I think I have finally over come it and I can start to live more of a normal life. I wont say I’m never over come with waves every once in a while, but my depression is gone to the extent that its not pulling me down thru my everyday life.

rough past, haunted me awhile, its time i got over it, and lightened up a bit.

My story begins in my early years when I was young. I had a great live. When I was 10, I was very bad boy. Did not make homework or learn lessons. I got hold back a class in the 4th Then I went to a other school professor Gunning in Den Haag , Netherlands.. I got serious and start learning. I had a lot of friends and a girlfriend. We had a lot of fun. But when I was 12, my parent moved to Zoetermeer. And I had to leave all my friends. I had no; contact no more with then till now. I med them at the reunion.
In school in Zoetermeer I had low grades and was struggling. I went to high school De Brug LBO electrotechnics in Zoetermeer, level C (near Mavo). It was hard and I did my homework daily. I med new friends and had fun. Also got a new girlfriend the love of my life. I had it all. Then I went to college Anthon Rossdorff MBO electrotechnics in Den Haag, Netherlands. My Girlfriend supported me all the way. And I did not helped her with her problems. She had trouble with her parents. I didn’t see her problems. It was all about me. I was arrogant en self-centered. We broke up. I cried for days and started drinking. That was my pitfall I was an alcoholic. I got my MBO diploma with good grades. And wanted to study more…
So I went to University. HTS Rijswijk electrotechnics. I started the year partying. Drink lots of beer and did not study. Then it went downhill. I got not concentrate and got bad grades. I tried for 2 years then I gave up and went working in the business where I had my Internship Deerns Raadgevende Ingenieurs.
I started working there in 1990 as a draftsman en in the years followed I became A technician in electrotechnics. But my concentration went worse. I party every weekend and stayed up all night drinking and years later doing drugs (coke, XTC, LSD). My work didn’t suffer over it but I was feeling that I was getting worse. Sometimes I heard voices of see unusual things. I thought it was the drugs, now I know better… I Thought maybe Study would help en I went to a night course HTS Rijswijk Business. But it was hard working, studying and partying. At some point I got a change to go to Jakarta for my job. I stopped partying, drinking and drugs. And worked daily in Jakarta. But I had a fallback and one I did drugs there. It was so worse that I desisted never to do drinking and drugs again. I had a long vacation and relaxed.
When I came home in 1995 I still did not feel good. I had a lot of fear that people wanted me to do drugs again and thought that’s people were doing drugs in my coffee etc. I avoided all people and joined scientology to help me with my drug problems and study problems. They welcome me and I followed a course on communication. It was so good that I trust people again. But I did not know that I had a psychiatric disease and depression and that there were people to help me or tests.. But I knew I was not happy. So I said to myself: “I’ll buy my way in to scientology, so they obligated to help me in worse times”. I sold my car and paid them 30.000 gulden (about 15.000 euro/dollar)
The next two years I worked hard and in weekends I went to church doing exercises and learning lessons about my business how to get ahead in management. I worked hard an didn’t party of do drinking and drugs. But my symptoms got worse I had more voices and was seeing things. And everybody 9family and work) was saying how bad scientology was and they were the problem. But scientology saying my family and work was the problem. I Didn’t know what to do. I almost killed myself and my boss said that I must see a psychiatrist.
In scientology I learned that they were bad. And I didn’t want to do drugs or medicine. But he convinced me that I had schizophrenia and depression. I took the pill (4mg risperdal and 20mg Prozac) and feel better. I Didn’t have fear of things anymore or voices in my head. It felt good. I wrote scientology to give me my money back because I had a disease and the paid me 15.000 gulden (7000 euro/dollar). With that money I bough A motor and a few days later I had an accident and lost it.
At that time I was 27 and still lived with my parents till I was 30 then I decided I was strong recovered and went living on my own. It went good and I worked volunteer. It felt so good that I had a girlfriend. Everything went my way. I had my Own home, a girlfriend, a job I was thinking that’s I was not sick and wanted to stop medication. I talked it over with my psychiatrist and he agreed. I did not see anything until I was very in to God and starting to collect many things. A year later I had a vision and head voices. This time a second psychoses. They locked me up. It was terrible. My girlfriend left me and I was much worse than the first time.
But they made a mistake and gave me only medication for schizophrenia. I was depressed for 5 years but until 2008 I realize it and god medicine (20mg Prozac).
At that time I started to do a lot of things again. Became a DJ and blogger and start night school 2 days a week and study ICT MBO at home. And be a trained expert on GGZ to help others and learn o lot of myself. How I things and what my capabilities are. Now I have control over again over my life. I read a lot of self-help books, -sides. Such as NLP and RET and “5G-schema” in the GGZ. I trained myself daily to do exercise and weekly do my administration and keep a journal of my feelings.
Now I work as consultant/blogger at STIPzoetermeer Reakt. And have a WAO benefit. My goal is to work for 20 hours a week and be paid. If I realize that I go and work whole days with maximum of 40- hours a week. I learned that I have to do a lot of fun things and think positive about life.
I want to beat the schizophrenia and depression any help /idea’s are welcome.
My profile is on http://www.linkedin.com/in/anthony68 Hope to meet new people to help me get a job in Zoetermeer in the ICT branch.

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I hate life, i hate everything, im so angry right now. i feel so down. im so upst.ikeep eating so much shit. but worst of all, im worried my works that i depend on other plpl isnt going to get done because some person is goin to complain. im so tired. and scared. Just want to kill myself. Someone else is driving me mad, thank god, their leaving soon.

i just feel like im constantly using excuses like my intense need to go to the gym, or eat shit, or start gettin obsessed about eating right before my deadline, as a way o procrastinating. im so lazy. i hate it. im so scared. what the hell have i done with my life. and how has it come to this. im such a failure, such a mess, and ive messed everyone around me. dont even hav the patience to be around my most loved person.

i went into where i work and i could tell they were all bitching about me, with their evil stares. horrible people. some people are just so nasty. all they care is about themselves and they think that plpl have it easy when they dont. they fkng dont. they’re constantly living on the edge.

im going to try and exercise now.

i ate so much today, i wont even write it down. its too depressing. ill just accept things are goin really rough. no space, no physical or mental space.
lets hope i get through these next few days. i guess maybe working in a room isolated might do the job.
i cant cope, i cant cope.

Depression seems to be hereditary. All of the women on my mothers side of the family are. I, personally was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 5, and have been on medication for it since I was 7. I’ve tried to get off of the medication, but I just go downhill. My mother is extremely anxious, freaking out about little things, and I am now becoming the same way because of it. I’ve seen my depression dissapear in 3 days of being away from my mother, and though I love her it seems she is the worst thing for me, and I hate to admit it but I avoid her because she just brings me down to. I’m moving out as soon as I can, leaving the country if possible, but I’m only 15 so that could be five years away, which seems like forever and I feel so helpless in the meen time. I just hope that the anxiety wont have gripped me before I can move out, before it’s to late for me to kick it so I can be happy for the first time in my life.

i woke today not wanting to fake a smile today.
i’ve forgoten what its like to be truely happy.
I need help. I’m tired of crying everyday.
of having to tell myself that i’ll be alright.
I’m very alone. I’m 16, and doing everything for myself.
My dad left me for drugs, my mom leaves town every week.
and i have no one. i’m responcible for myself at sixteen, i know i’m not ready for that. I feel abandonment. I push people away from me because i don’t know if they’re gonna let me down too.
i don’t know how many times i just layed on the floor wishing that the world would just blow up.
I feel like i’m worth nothing my family doesn’t want me. why should anyone else.
I cant deal with crying to the point where no more tears run down your cheeks cause my eyes can no longer produce tears.
It happens mostly everyday. and i just can’t do it.

My mother constantly yells at me… school is starting to stress me out… my grades are starting to fall… I started waking up at 1,2,3am in the morning for no reason… and I can’t be with the one I love. I miss him so much… I can’t take it anymore. Ever time I think of him, I get so depressed. Now I feel like God Himself is toying with me, even though I know it’s not true, it sure seems that way. I just want to be happy, I really truely do. And I want to be with him… I want him to know I’ve loved him all this time… I want him to know that I miss him so much and that I haven’t seen him in months. I just know if I could see him once more, tell him how I feel and how he makes me feel, and just be friends again, I could feel better again. Even if he didn’t want to go out with me, I’d just like to be just friends again. And as I sit here, typing and slowly crying to myself, I miss him.

“How many times can I break till I shatter… over the line can’t define what I’m after…” -O.A.R

i have depression since i was 13, i’ve been seeing all sort of specialists but little did they help. i’m now 23 and it hits me unpredictablly every now and then. It might sound crazy but i think it makes me a better person by appreciatinig life more. it’s like a drug that i enjoy much but it can do my head in really badly.

i’ve given up getting over it, i’m now tryin to live my life with it

all the best with you all