overcome my social anxiety

My appointment with a therapist who specializes in social anxiety problems will be this Friday. I’m a bit a nervous about the appointment. But I hope everything will go well.

I used to be much worse few years ago. Now I don’t feel anxious much around people. It depends on the situation and who I’m talking to. If I wasn’t comfortable with who I’m talking to, things would be fine. But sometimes, only God knows why, when I’m having a conversation with someone I’m not so familiar with, I would feel anxious.

As I said, it depends on who I’m talking to and the situation and whether I was comfortable or not.

Sometimes I would feel so comfortable that I’d scream at a random guy, LOL. And sometimes I just don’t click with the person infront of me and I would feel uncomfortable and anxious and it would simply suck. :)

I made an appointment for next month to see a therapist to further help me with my social anxiety problem.

I sometimes suffer from this. I avoid all social events unless I am going somewhere with my best friend. She is like a ‘comfort zone’ for me. If I begin to feel uncomfortable she’s there and I feel much better.
I go nowhere. I only go the movies with my best friend on the weekends. But other than that, I am practically home 24/7.
When I am out in public, especially by myself, it is so bad. :(
Like today, I was at my local college for the first time. And I was just stressing out. I knew where nothing was and I saw a bunch of my old high school friends. But couldn’t even approach any of them. I felt terrible just blowing them off and not saying anything.

I want to overcome my social anxiety.. but sometimes I think it’s better to give in to it..

There is this introduction of my new school.. It will be 3 days.. it’s a program about getting to know your school, the city and you’ll do things like normal students do (and like).. * sigh * .. I guess I’m not normal xD.. I’m just not that kind of student =(.. (It’s weird.. sometimes I wish I would be a little bit more like that.. but on the other hand I don’t really care either..)

I was thinking of going to the introduction.. I thought.. ‘it’s scary.. but it’s good for me! Meeting new people.. I should go!’.. but later I didn’t feel happy about it at all.. I thought.. ‘no.. maybe it’s good for me.. but.. I shouldn’t do things I don’t really like..’

So I made the decision of not going and I’m happy I did =).. it feels much better this way.. there is an other introduction as well.. with my class mates.. that’s the one I’m going to =)

i create these boundaries and rules in my head, that get in the way of socializing like others would. I avoid going out, seeing friends and making phone calls. even though i would love to just do it….i wont let me.I suppose i feel safer that way.

This is no way to live. It’s crippling me. I’m so tired of being afraid all the time.

I’m in a program at school where we have to do a lot of our own research to put together business plans. I had a list of people I had identified as people I wanted to interview and it had just sat there for weeks. Because the semester is ending soon I had to stop procrastinating and just do it.

I wrote out a script for myself and rehearsed several times.
I poured myself a glass of water.
I applied extra deodorant.
I went for a walk around the block to calm my nerves.
Then I made the calls.

It wasn’t that bad.

So I like to do a lot of emotional work in the mornings, sometimes listening to music and sometimes in silence because my thoughts refuse to surface. Sometimes they don’t surface anyways, and it’s the most annoying sort of her-name-is-on-the-tip-of-my-tongue feeling and I can’t get it out. But yesterday I realized that my two goals are completely tied to one another. If I let go of the guilt, I will have overcome my social anxiety. The guilt is what makes me feel like a bad person, someone who should hide, someone who is ashamed, sorry, embarrassed, not worthy of having friends. No one out there who I want to be friends with would ever think that of me, so I need to stop thinking it of myself. No one is perfect. The past is passed. My future is bright.

I avoid going to social engagements with old friends because I worry about looking bad, feeling awkward, being judged, etc. I hold on to mounds and mounds of guilt from past failed relationships. I’m embarrassed by my shortcomings in this area, and they affect other areas of my life in major ways. I do it to myself and yet I can’t bring myself to cross certain barriers. I’d much rather send emails than talk on the phone. I have very few people I consider friends, and I don’t even know if they consider me a friend back.