publish my writings

I have been told by many people that my writing is great and needs to be published; however, I don’t know where to start. Although I have had two small articles (human interest) published years ago in the now-defunct “Homelife Magazine”, I am at a stand-still and cannot seem to find a door through which to travel towards publication. I have read some books and articles on the subject but really do not know what the first or next step should be.

Thanks for reading, caring, and sharing. :)

How often is it easy to find the perfect man?

It is a question that I keep asking myself, but wasn’t ever able to answer it or seek to find it because it was of a hopeless case to do. Is it normal to get attached to the person who made me live in the most beautiful illusion and dream even though he broke my heart many times? When will it be the time that I become stronger and put my heart aside and replace my mind in its place? Our biggest enemy is our heart, because it owns us under its Mersey and frees us in critical moments when we no longer believe in life and happiness that we might be waiting for us in the future.

I wish I could walk away from the past and foot my feet into the bright future that could be waiting for me since a long time when I was busy in my painful relations and walking backward instead of walking towards it. I wish I can know which is the most ruling part of our body, the heart or the mind? But I started to have my own believes that our heart is, otherwise not many would be having broken hearts of this nonsense that we call love in which I lost believe in. I’ve been in many relationships and all ended up in failure, maybe it was me or maybe it was them.. no one can truly know even me, but all I know is that I gave all my heart and soul to them and freed my heart from the cage it was captured in believing that they would appreciate it and be so gentle with it, but they were like the wild animals that seek for their prey to slice in pieces and bleed it and not all bleeding cases heal, sometimes it survives but sometimes it keeps bleeding until it loses life and stop breathing, the same with my heart as it kept bleeding for a long time waiting for the right surgeon to operate it and make it live normal again, but I guess I found the wrong surgeon that I thought for quite a time that he was the right one that healed it for a while, till I found out that he made it bleed more.

My heart is screaming for help and mercy, yet it’s scared to get broken again.. I don’t know if I will be able to believe in love again and will I regret the times I might be rejecting the right man when he approaches or should I jeopardize again and give it a shot? I’ll never be able to close my eyes with a resting mind keeping questioning “what if” for the past mistakes and decisions that I made and for the futures one.

After long time of waiting with passion, seeking for the feeling that I longed for.. well there are no words to describe how painful it was and not as exciting as I thought it would be, Being in a relationship is hard because of the big commitment that we have for the other part, but believe me that it’s much harder when caring about someone so much that you were going to give up on everything for but find out that it wasn’t worth it. How can be anyone so cruel about the one who cares for the most, doesn’t he have a heart to open wide and realize what he will miss it for the rest of his life? Or am I just a fantasy in his life?

How can a man who is so sweet and tender at one moment be so harsh on another moment? Life is tough sometimes and brings us surprises that we never expect, but how would we feel if the surprises that we all longed for was fake and made us stand over the edge and fall from high above then left us with no hand to hold on to scroll up back again. I have no words enough to describe how I feel right now, but all I can say that some people need an open heart operation to live, but what about people who have open hearts and wanna close them?

Tears are dropping on my cheeks and I can barely see through them, but I always wish that the sad tears that come down would heal a broken heart. Do we need lessons to lessen the pain? How more often do we feel happy with nothing to fear for when approaching to it? When will it be time to stop questioning and live the moment?

In all the years in my life that I’ve lived, I’ve reached a period in time where I felt that I wasted 23 years of my life trying to reach something that was running away from me when I almost reach it or at least I thought I was.. that is love. I now realized after a long time of the pain and shadow that I was living myself in and the fantasy I was dreaming for and lived, nothing was worth it. I made many mistakes and decisions in my life which I no longer proud of and I’m no such perfect and no one is, but how have I made myself make these mistakes when I knew they were hurtful for me? Is it that I wanted to let this love moments haunt me forever when loneliness does or was it that I wanted to fill some empty space in my life?

I no longer believe in love, for me it’s a word with four letters but with four meanings that is Lost.. Ocean of pain.. Vanish and Emptiness. It just gives you a wonderful feeling for some quite time but then it vanishes as soon as you think you reached heaven. After being in long serious relationships and after 23 years of my life, I can’t help but wonder what my life would be if I never tested these years with some failure, would it be better or worst? If I could go back in time even if it takes me so much, then I would if I could erase those painful moments that haunt me down in my loneliness.

Now all I have won eventually was the fear in me that made me see life in a very different way, and mostly made me changed my passion for life and started to realize that nothing or no one was worth those tears of mine. I cut off all people who I was surrounded by and who really cared for me, but what I needed was to isolate myself from all of them and start to see what I want, I passion and believe for, and now it’s too late to say that I realized that the main reason for my misery was letting people interfere in my life and how I think and want and this created two personalities in me, someone who is pretty sure about herself and what she wants in life and aims for reaching one day, and one who is scared to share what she has inside fearing for those that keeps telling her that what she thinks or do is wrong because it doesn’t fit with the cultural thoughts.

All I can do now but to hope that I was right in my decision to live in a world of my own and not getting upset of what I lost. Eventually, every person wins something in return of what they lose. It’s Me, Myself and I.

This is all what it is about now.

I would not only like to publish my writings and poems, but I would like to sell them as well.