Listen more, talk less...

My boyfriend and I were having a phone conversation, and I was, as usual, making 90% of it. I don’t remember what I was talking about so passionately but I know it’s something of trivial importance. I guess I wasn’t making much sense, just getting enthusiastic with words and phrases while he was replying with monosyllabic signs of approval. When I ran out of things to say, he laughed and said I was “such a chatterbox” (He didn’t say it in a rude way, rather in an affectionate-I-accept-your-funny-bad-habits way). After a few moments of frantic disbelief (“What? Me? A chatterbox? No!”) I realized how much the word “chatty” applies to me … And how much I’ve been getting remarks like “Why don’t you try a cure of silence for half an hour?” or “Chill”.
The thing is, I frequently use talking as a way to attract attention and seduce people I like, to define myself. But I am also afraid of uncomfortable silences in conversations, so I guess talking is a way to protect myself as well. If you talk even when you don’t have anything important to say the odds you make a fool of yourself are very high, and instead of appearing witty, or sociable, you just look like the stupid naive girl who isn’t able to zip it.
I have been close to people who talk too much, and I have realized how actually communicating with them is impossible. Those people are so self-centered that they will not take in consideration what you are trying to tell them, and they will go on with their speech and make it obvious how they enjoy just listening to their own thoughts out loud, and that they are really indifferent to you. I don’t want to be one of them. I want my loved ones to feel comfortable while talking to me.
Moreover, listening prior to talking while meeting new people is of vital importance. I think I should resist the chance to “shine” with wits and jokes and try to figure out the person first. This way I would not criticize the church in front of a fervent christian for example…

Okay now I am convinced about the legitimacy of my goal… Though I have no clue how to achieve it. I’ll figure that out. Stay tuned.

I lack it! It’s so hard to shut up for 5 minutes when someones talking. I can’t stop!I have to say something…Most times the things I say make me feel stupid and usually annoy people. Self Control…what’s that?

I truely suck at this. Someone will say something and I’ll jump in before they’ve even finished. Other times I’ll say something that sounded funny in my head but it apparently comes out all wrong. I guess it’s cos I’m not quite normal well by society’s standards- my dad calls me his arty daughter. He doesn’t mind it, he thinks it’s great but some people just don’t get it. What am I talking about? SEE! I did it again jumped in and turned the whole thing around. The point of this entry was to say that I need to just give people the extra five minutes that they need before jumping in. It hurts when people don’t listen to me so I shouldn’t do the same. It’s actually quite selfish now that I think about it.

People love someone who will listen. It’s the best way to make friends.

This is harder than I thought.

Ok cool. I tried it this afternoon at lunch. I said nothing and someone mentioned my trying to convince everyone to switch off their lights for earth day and they made it this pathetic joke and I nearly burst into tears. Seriously I talked less and listened more but I don’t like what I’m hearing. I’m surrounded by these people that are so negative and think that their jokes are funny or whatever but I’m not ‘one of them’. I’m special dammit and I hurt but that doesn’t mean I’m not strong. Their negativity is their weakness. I’m not going to let them tear me down. I won’t and I won’t give them back what they want. I’ll talk less, listen more and wash away the negativity. I’m trying very hard to start believing in myself and these people WILL NOT get the better of me. At work typing across to one of them and trying not to cry. Breathe in and out.

I think the most important part of listening more and talking less is learning to watch the body language of the person speaking. This makes the experience more meaningful as you can pick up on the subtleties of what they are not saying out loud.

I really need to work on this. I have always had a problem with talking too much. In fact, my parents & grandparents have told me that I was talking in full sentences before I could walk!

Speaking of parents, my Mom is a really good listener. I’m going to try to shut up and pay more attention to how she does it so that hopefully, I can emulate her.
I know that it means a lot to me, personally, when someone is being quiet & really listening to what I have to say. Sometimes you don’t always want advice either, you just want to vent. I always try my best to listen and usually hear mostly everything someone is saying but I do have a tendency to talk and I also have a bad habit of interrupting. I hope to learn to be a better listener and less of an annoyance.

I can honestly say that I really made an effort to do this recently, on Christmas & had some success with it. I found myself just sitting quietly while listening to others much more often than I usually do. So I guess that’s a start, right?

I have a tendency to talk way longer than I should and can be very negative at times. I also tend to interrupt and finish people’s thoughts for them. Not good. I complain and externalize my problems when I should be quietly resolving them myself in a positive and mature fashion. To make matters worse, I also am prone to not considering the suggestions people offer as solutions to my problems, it is rude and unattractive. I then spend the next day or so feeling guilty about my behavior. My goal is to deal with issues internally, have a more positive attitude and to talk less and not only listen more but actually hear what the person is saying.

Now I keep my mouth shut for the most part. I’m a lot better at listening and talking less. I feel kind of used for doing so though. Now I realise that most people don’t want you to talk.

They want to do all the talking for themselves. It’s annoying but life is never easy so you get over it and move on.

I just wish that the people I care about would take this lesson and do me a favor by listening more and talking less.