settle my mother's estate

Is this done? I received the rest of the money, but I fear Canadian tax laws when I get around to doing my taxes… this money has already been taxed so much I don’t want it meddled with any more. I’m using this money to give myself opportunities and make my life and my self better.

Now she won’t call me back, oh god. My friend came back from the UK, totally broke, hungry the last week he was there. I only have so much guilt to apply to that, though; there’s nothing I can do about it. But I wonder if the executor is on vacation. Wouldn’t that be marvellous. I need that money. I want it NOW. IN my account, paying the people I owe money to, and allowing me to travel home for the wedding with less stress. I want my money. NOW.

Last form was sent out; huzzah. Form sent back because it was done improperly; fuck you.

I’m in a foreign country. I NEED this money NOW! What’s the fucking hold up? I want my money, and I want all of it, now. In my account, in full, with no more delays or governmental bullshit. It’s been over a fucking year, come on!

Please, god, any day now.

It is now too late for me to go on my trip, even if I got all the money I wanted to from this estate. I could perhaps catch up to my friend later in the UK, but now I have to fly home for a wedding.

Why can’t I just get the things done that everyone else can? I want my money. All of it. I’m tired of being dicked around by the government, agencies, whatever. Give me my money so I can continue on!

I really need the executor to send the taxes to a professional accountant at the very start of the year. I need the money before March so I can plan our trip to backpack and camp across parts of Europe. I’m so excited. This is one more new things that I’m starting to believe I can do, the dreams I’ve had that are generally very commonplace but seemed so astronomically impossible for me. I really want to be able to go. To me, it is an Essential Experience.

I got some of the funds released. But having all this money with no plan is making me really unhappy and anxious. When I get like this, I spend and the money disappears. Seriously. I remember buying things, but not the amount for the money that’s gone. I decided instead of paying part I’d just give Samael the ten thousand I owe him. Then it’s done and he can repay what I’ve spent of our debt. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my loans. Ignore it for now until I really know what’s going on. My best friend turned down my gift, telling me to save it and go to Euorpe with them next summer. That’s a capital idea, and I agreed.

Something good for me will come of this money.

Ok, so pencil-neck pension jerk says that he’s putting hte pension through. Yeh, since I’ve done all the work for him. Like he was completely useless and lazy, and not very cooperative. I am the one who secured the divorce papers, and led him to the obituaries as proof of death. What kind of researcher pension admin is he? Anyway, he says he’s sending it to the executor. i called the public trustyee, and they said they’re waiting for her to hand over the forms to quit being executor. News to me, but why am I not surprised. So far, almost no one has been straight with me about anything. At least I wasn’t blindsided.

So now I have to call her and ask, and sort that out. I want that fucking money. All this trouble, and I’m the only one left alive. I won’t be tame and just do what people want, because they never want what’s best or good. I am entitled to this money, so I’m going to get it. I will change my life with it.

I can’t help but think that I’ve done a lot of that pension-guy’s work for him. He seemed much more worried about getting it sorted out than I was, yet I had to spend weeks (and weeks) and dollars and time sorting it out and getting the pertinent info for him. And now he’s sending it to the executor, so I have to phone the lawyer and find out what that means. I decided after my mother died and I was starting to just do what everyone told me that I wasn’t going to be bullied and that I had a right to that money. I’m just too goddamn used to doing what adults tell me instead of doing what’s best for me.