recover from bulimia

Call the doctor & look at getting back on medication and back in therapy
Work on stopping my binging and purging

I have been bulimic for about 8 months now and it is really draining me. before I became bulimic I was annorexic. This is like a never ending spiral into a black hole of saddness and depression. I want so badly to get out of it!!!

this goal isn’t going so well.
though i haven’t vomited, i’ve been using laxatives.
i know this is dangerous. i know i shouldn’t, especially since i have Crohn’s disease. i haven’t been vomiting, and that’s a start. i didn’t buy ipecac. i wanted to. that i am proud of. they sell it online. can you believe that? easily accessible. i’m going to work harder.

I just wanted to say that it is really possible. I have stopped binging and purging almost completely now. (with a few slip ups every 2 months or so) I want to say that I’m happy. And in many ways i am so happy. I don’t feel shitty all the time (physically i mean). I have gained weight but that’s because i eat too much heh…. anyways

you can do it!

i hadnt done it for like 2 weeks. and then i did it today. now im depressed. & my boyfriend and i are in a fight. huge. and i think that is why i threw up. hmm

so, it has only been a few days since I actually decided I was tired of the bulimia BS, and I already feel better! I am using my myspace blog (www.myspace.com/mai_014 ) to rant about things that really bother me and may have previously sent me on a binge and purge cycle.
The best part is, I am getting less scared to eat in front of people! which is really good because we have a work BBQ tomorrow at lunch (we are done early because we go on “holidays” aka plant shutdown) and I was really scared about it, especially about the meat, I really dislike meat, even jsut the smell of it, and have been a good vegetarian for the past 4 years, with the exception of the past 6 months when I was admitted to hospital last time and then moved in with my sister in the middle of nowhere and vegetarian food (or at least, edible stuff) wasn’t really offered in stores, so I ate a bit of meat to keep my iron up, but now that I have been on my own again I am back to my no-meat eating self!
sorry I ran off on a tangent, I was also scared because I didn’t want people to think I was weird not eating a burger, so I asked my supervisor today if I could bring my own veggieburger and if they would BBQ it for me, she said it was fine and didn’t say much else about me being vegetarian, which is good I guess, just told me to remind her that it was a veggie burger so that she didn’t serve it to someone else or something and so that she could clean a spot on the grill to cook it for me. (wow my old english teacher would have a fit if she ever saw this! LOL)

anyway, just basically rambling on and on, point of it was that I am making progress and pleased with myself! I do still get urges to eat loads of crap like cookies and chips and stuff, but so far so good! But I’ve also noticed that I don’t freak out at myself when I do have a few cookies, and that helps with not bingeing/purgeing I think. I kinda just say to myself, I had a cookie. It’s ok. Treats are OK in moderation. Just have the recommended serving size. (and on with things that make me not feel horrible about eating whatever it was)

thanks for listening to my ramble again!

Miranda

ok, so apparently not many people on 43things want to recover from their ED, they just want to be “pro-” ed, and I understand that that is their choice, so I won’t say anything mroe on that.

I’ve been a mix between bulimic and anorexic, but diagnosed as bulimic with anorexic tendencies.

anyway, im tired of it, and my guts hurt from it all the time, and i depend on lax’s now and it really sucks! so I am going to recover and so far have been doing really well (I think anyway)!

email me or add me to MSN if you want to recover too

mai_014@hotmail.com

Miranda

i feel i’m doing a lot better. so much better that i dare to say i’ve recovered. i haven’t purged in 2 months and havent binged in a week. but the main difference is my thoughts. i feel so much better about myself. and i’m not letting my self-image control how i live my life. i’m gonna be honest, i still think i’m hideously fat, but i’m not going to take extreme measures anymore to become skinny. overall, life has definitely improved and i never want to go back to that dark place i was in.

my behaviors aren’t getting better even though my thoughts are. Is it possible to recover and still have a goal weight? not an anorexic one but a reasonable one. i’m just tired of this. it’s like i wish so much to get better, but my thoughts don’t matter because my body does what it wants. any suggestions for regaining control?

i threw up 11 times in the last 3 days and i’ve gained three lbs! life is frustrating.