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3 years ago
in response to the post below mine… i found my birthmom when i was 16 by putting my information into adoption search engines… if they won’t allow you due to your age… you just don’t put the year.
How to meet my birth family
It made me
every emotion! 
"The single most life-changing experience that I had never expected."
How I did it: I was born to refugees who were sponsored by a small town. When I was 3, my parents visited that town and got my family members' names. They also found out what city my family moved to. Then, when I was 18, I went through an identity crisis. My adoptive parents looked up my birth parents in the phone book and called. I actually had mixed feelings meeting my family, as I never felt the need to get to know them.
At the very beginning, it was very awkward to meet this "other"
family. There weren't really any social precedents in my life to tell
me how to act. Then it was fun because I had a sister close to
my age and it was like getting to know a new friend. Once that wore
off, conflicts began due to the fact that I was raised differently than my
biological family. Also, I constantly felt like an outsider since my
parents and I did not share a common language. I also did not share
any childhood memories with my siblings. Ultimately, I ended up
cutting ties with my biological family for my own sanity. (Did I
mention the cultural conflicts?)
Lessons & tips: When I first my bio-family, it was very difficult for my adoptive parents. I believe that no matter how supportive adoptive parents are, they will go through this feeling. They are worried that they will be replaced. I had to coach and reassure my adoptive parents through my new relationship with my biological family.
Looking back, going through meeting my bio-family while going through identity issues was very intense. One thing I wish I would have did was to find other people who were in my situation, so I had the support of knowing what others were going through. Or, if not a support group, even talking to a therapist about everything probably would have helped me figure myself out a bit better.
Even though I no longer have ties with my bio-family, I learned a lot and would never regret meeting them. I learned about their plight as refugees - they sacrificed so much to make it in this country. It's also cool to see how you are similar and different to people you share genetics with. But, one of the greatest things that I learned was how to see things from other people's point of view.
Meeting my bio-family did help me be more comfortable with myself, in a way. HOWEVER, this was also due to other experiences and realizations in my life as well as maturity.
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
not yet.
3 years ago
i need to wait til i’m older. sixteen doesn’t have enough legal sway for anything in terms of searching for your birth family.
~ Julie ~ is sad about Sadie
SO WORTH DOING
3 years ago
I met my birth mother this past weekend. My head is spinning with all the information that we exchanged. I was lucky to have my meeting go so well..
I think, maybe I’m way off base, but, we adoptees tend to fantasize about our birth families with a romantic twist on it. I believe this as I think we need to feel like we’re not mistakes, unwanted, or different from others.
I remember very clearly creating this elaborate story when I was younger as a defensive move. (kids can be so mean) As a teen I really wanted to believe that I was the product of a couple in love (Romeo-Juliet kinda scenario).
Fact is I was a mistake, they didn’t love each other, and when I met my biological mother she felt alot of pain from a very unhappy past---me. Didn’t feel good at all!
Now, after all that I still believe that finding out is worth it.For me, I had to know!!!!!! I’m still trying to get the info from her on my birth father; she doesn’t want to talk about him. I was told by one of her sisters that it could be this one man(he’s deceased)so I did some digging and found one of his sons. I have yet to do anything with that info.
I’m really quite planted though in my beliefs——we all have the right to know out roots.
~ Julie ~ is sad about Sadie
Just learning
3 years ago
I ended up finding my birth mother over the weekend. I have found that I have a half brother and a large extended family. It is so new that its very hard to absorb all the information.
~ Julie ~ is sad about Sadie
No longer six degrees of seperation
3 years ago
Wow…its the only way I can describe how I have been feeling since yesterday. I have had some information about my birthmother for some time now. I do some searching then put the info on the back burner for a while then repeat. Until this week when a light bulb went off. I was looking for a women to fit in my puzzle. I kept running into dead ends. Then on Monday I remembered that I work with someone with the same last name. I asked the coworker if he was related and it was his aunt by marriage. I ended up talking to her last night and found out I am the child of her cousin. How freaky is that!! I am still trying to absorb the information. Wow…........
Doing this mqkes your life so much richer
4 years ago
More complicated, yes, but the experience is worth it.
