DanT1999 is happily asserting imperfection
People leave, and I’m never really quite ready for it to happen when it does, even when it’s expected and I’m supposed to be happy for the other person that they’re moving on to something better. I have a friend with whom I worked closely for a little more than a couple of years and with whom I regularly continued going out to lunch for a couple of years after that till now because though we didn’t work together we still worked at the same place. That situation will change as this person will soon be leaving the company to explore other opportunities. I described this relationship in a prior entry, and Todd said it was like this: “Your lunch buddy would also be a friend by my definition, though it’s more of a situational friendship than again there being a strong emotional connection. It’s like men in prison who make do with what’s available to them, but once they are free they revert to their old ways.”
Well, the thing is that I do feel a strong emotional connection. Whether or not that’s appropriate, I don’t know. I can honestly say that knowing this person has changed my life because I have been exposed to new things and new ways of thinking, and I was inspired to do things I otherwise would not have done. My life would be very different. Yet, our relationship doesn’t really exist in any other context than work. Although we have seen each other outside of work a few times, I know it’s not realistic to believe that the relationship will suddenly start existing in some other context. I don’t have a family, but this friend does which seems to complicate things in terms of keeping the friendship going on a deeper level. Omar, who used to be active on 43Things, told me this: “When I got married, I lost a lot of single friends, and gained some married friends. When I had children, I lost married friends and gained married with children friends.” It seems like people with families don’t have so many friends, at least not very close ones, that don’t also have families.
When they leave, people often promise to keep in touch because it sounds like the thing they’re supposed to say even if they don’t really intend to. Sometimes people really do mean it and they have the best of intentions, but gradually they move on and there’s no room for you in their lives anymore. Along these lines, Margaret told me: “People have a weak sense of “person permanence” in that we are a very “out of sight, out of mind” kind of creatures.”
I don’t trust the strength of the connections that I have. I don’t know, I like to have people in my life that I like on a consistent basis, but it doesn’t work out that way. The people keep going and then there’s always different ones after that, and it’s hard to get connected or stay connected and I’m more reluctant to want to try or to feel anything other than indifference. I’m really happy at the moment (maybe I’ll feel differently later) that most of the people I know, I know only superficially so that I don’t have to care so much when they leave…