Discover myself

I dont know who I am. Its sad but true and its caused me to have almost no friends and for former friends to completely ignore me. I am trying to discover myself but I am having a hard time.

I think it also has something to do with the attitude of the state I live in (Arizona) and the fact that I am not a member of the religion which most people in my town are which has lead me to be isolated. I need to leave this state I’ve lived here far too long and its obvious that I dont belong here however I dont have the money to leave and I cant get a job so I’m stuck here. I’ve lived about half my life here with a brief stinct overseas because of my Dads job and it has made me realize that I truly dont belong here. People are so fake here that its made me lose faith in the Western Part of the U.S. I’ve been stabbed in the back more than once here and gone through so much drama and bull shit its ridiculous. I am in college but its a community college so it would be a big deal if I left at the end of the semester. I am going to keep trying to get a part time job and stick it out for another semester so if I get a job I can save up money and have a year of college behind me. I’ve got nothing holding me here except the lack of money. I curse the lack of jobs in this small town that forces me to stay. This place is not good for me.

I think that I should move back to Maryland even though I dont remember anyone from there since they all moved. However I need a fresh start somewhere not out west. I’ve always admired the University of Maryland College Park and Towson University so I think I would like to end up at one of those Universities. I would continue at a Community College out there to earn my associates degree to make it easier to transfer to a University. However I am going to need help and I am not going to get it from my family as they live overseas and they want me to stay in Arizona and they dont know half of the bs I’ve gone through because they wont listen. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!

After 45 years on this planet, called Earth, I still don’t know my authentic self. All day I put a front. Hiding, no longer works. Unhappy is the women who barricades herself.

I lost myself a few months back after a series of very stressful events within the last 10 months.
I feel that maybe I am starting to rediscover myself…slowly but surely.
Who am I? Am I unintentionally putting on a front? What do I act like in certain situations?
How do I like to dress?

I feel this may take time, but I look forward to when I know myself inside out again!

Today I am going to try and do the things that I know I should do and see what it is like to be productive all day! Now if only I hadn’t wasted an hour watching Hell’s Kitchen this morning….

You don’t know where you are going unless you know where you have been. Someone smart said or wrote that at some point in time. I believe that in order for me to be truly happy I have to better understand myself.

If I ever complete this I will be truly and utterly shocked/horrified and at peace with myself I am sure.

thus begins my quest in this big thing called life.
i am not sure where a will go but right now i need to discover the person that i am…truly.

how can i understand any other, and not myself?

i’m more considerate.
i’m less pessimistic.
i’m TRYING.

i still have a lot of issues though.
just taking life step at a time… trying not to miss anything as it flies by so fast…

I am not sure how to answer that question. I could answer it wife, mother, daughter, friend, work-a-holic….but is that who I really am? I am not sure right now, I feel like I am in the middle of a battlefield, trying to maintain my family but wanting to assert my independance all at the same time. HOW??? Who am I really???

I have never been so honest with myself before and I will never look at life and the world the same way again, it’s amazing and beautiful and there is a bit of goodness in everything and (nearly) everyone. We all want the same things: Love, Friendship, Happiness. Acceptance. I’m starting to believe in myself, and I’m starting to believe in other people, too. Which is wonderful.

simply discover who am i to figure what i should be doing in the future

i have no idea who i am? to my intermediate family i can be impatient, mean, pushy, i will jump to conclusions i am very rude i know that and i think it is because they know who i am they know which ‘buttons to push’ they know what ticks me off but i also understand that its my fault for getting so angry with them. when i’m with my friends or with my ‘outside family’ i am completely fine i love hanging out with them i find it easier to talk to them we all have fun i feel like they appreciate me. in a way it sounds like a split personality but for me its is because i feel like i can be myself more around my friends and ‘outside family’

my mum says to communicate with her about things but she is so intimedating whenever i have an opinion she acts like i said something wrong and gets angry if i don’t share something with her and when i do, its like i have to do what she says and she makes it look like im the bad person or I’m only a child i don’t understand she cant just help me out or listen.

i love my Mum, Dad, older sister and twin sister so much i would do anything for them but i feel as though we have nothing in common and our values are different. my friends say they have the same issues as me but is it just because they are my friends and we are more unlike or is there problem a little different

i just want to know am the meen one? and if so how do i change it?or is it because i dont know who i am yet and i am changing who i am a lot of the time because of that?