have hope

im 12 and i have had depression and cutting problems since i have been five i was like addicted! it wasnt doing something bad i almost saw it as punishing myself trying to be perfect…. but i looked past my addiction and found that u can find even a little bit of hope in the tiniest rays of life…helping others smiling when it hurts getting involved in activities to keep my mind off things and truth be told i know so much more now i wouldnt say im peppy but have enough to get me and others throuygh :)

there is hope, i know.
it is mine once i accept the ugly truths and embrace the pain.
i can see where i have grown and i know that i have expanded.
beyond it.

having something to do with one thing…maybe involving some stripper with that name…possibly…

The last week it evolved into an experiment with prescription meds I know of…one that has helped me with the need for another…

My benefits pay for one and not the other…both are very expensive…

Shall we say one I’ve been using has helped me do something 2 times in a row that without the other had been impossible this decade…

Edit!!!
one of them I’m talking about I’ve only been using 9 months…

The irony of the previous is this…the one I have been able to do without is the one I have to pay for…

I’ll complete this goal just for that reason…and chuckle to myself for months…

this means one thing…

I assure you, it’s totally different…

And Saturday nights are going to be my time to try in the way of having…

I learned what hope was when I lost my sense of being. Hope for me was a blessing. I didnt have any, for a while. I became hopeful there would be hope.

God Bless.

not to do this as a negative gesture – just want to take the time to enjoy this hopeful feeling… the last thing i wanted to do is to set my hope on fire and burn off my energy in one day!!

after i heard back from one firm… but before this, my hope for my applications were nowhere to be found. i plainly decided that i wasted all my efforts and time this semester.

what a change in a couple seconds! if there is a measurement for hope, it jumped from zero to 99! (based on 0-150 scale)

hope is elusive; like love.. just when you think you found it, it’s gone again.

I think it’s a bit silly to give someone the option “I’ve Done This.” I can’t say that I have accomplished hope unless I am dead. Hope is a continuum! A process. As long as I am living, I need hope for nourishment. It is my reason for living. Without hope you are dead already. When you have nothing left to live for, hope is your life line, your last resort. When life has kicked my butt leaving me with nothing to live for, I live for hope! When all my courage is gone, I can only hope to see the sun. If the sun is shining there is hope. When I feel as if someone has taken away my dignity and my sense of being, hope keeps me alive. Hope is my last resort. It’s my life line.

After all, it’s too easy to simply give up. But to dare to be, to dare to WANT to be healed, that’s an act of courage.

I refer you all to Paul Tillich’s book, The Courage to BE.

Now, “hope springs eternal.”

What a beautiful and liberating statement. Would this have anything to do with G-d’s promise to humanity?