smile at attractive strangers

Allow me to set a stage too grand for the show. It’s the end of a very long, very ridiculous day. I’ve looked horrible for the whole of it—when I walked in this morning, the first thing Lisa said was “oh, you look like you haven’t slept.” ...I hadn’t. By the end of the day, I look absolutely like a ragamuffin. My hair is a wavy/curly mess of a mop atop my head, my makeup is making my eyes look even more tired, you can imagine.

As I walk down the so-long concourse, the crowd is two-fold: to the left are the passengers rushing at each other, fighting almost literally for a spot in the last car. To the right are the ones barreling toward me, those almost angry or resigned sorts of faces making one last transfer on the commute home. I’m honestly thinking “hmm, now I understand how people are sometimes crushed in those tragic incidents, mad exoduses and things” when I find myself in the direct path of a guy, a cute one. He’s shortish, he looks tired, glasses and just a whole bushel of deep brown hair. We lock eyes and look away and then do it again. Even though his lips are absolutely shrouded by a beautifully full, attractively shaggy beard, I can see the corner of them curl distinctively upward. Mine follows just slightly before I feel myself break into a full, genuine smile just as we pass one another.

I clamored my way into the train and held tight to the steel as 20 other passengers crammed into the too-full car, but immediately upon finding myself safe, a violent rush of butterflies hit me squarely in the stomach. These are butterflies, understand, the likes of which I haven’t even thought about in let’s say two months. Violent ones, a one-shot burst right in the center of my stomach.

Granted, he could have smiled for any reason at all and maybe I wasn’t the cause of that adorable grin, but I like to think our matching mops of hair found one another and for the moment, I was perhaps a little prone to cling to him. And that’s certainly progress.

I am so, so happy in Boston. I walk down streets with wide eyes and a wry smile and so when a cute kid passes my way, I tend to grin much more easily than ever before. I still don’t feel as confident on buses or trains because I feel dowdy and spotlit there, but on the streets, the sidewalks, I’m happy and smiling and it feels quite good, after all, to grin at a passerby.

Onward, then.

Must remember to do this!

Lauren and I stopped at a rest stop just past Indianapolis last week and we parked right next to two rather cute guys, a little young, but cute nonetheless. We both avoided their eyes because that’s kind of what we do, but as I took the keys from Lauren and opened the door for my leg of the drive, the passenger of the guys’ car waited for me before opening his own door. I looked at him just briefly and grinned quickly, thanking him, before jumping back into the car.

What I should have done, I realize, is flash him a killer grin. Why not, after all? The stakes were so low and wouldn’t it have felt good?

I’m a tool, a little. ;)

Well, now that I seem to be reminding myself to do this, I find a horrible lack of attractive strangers.

Am I so picky?

I’ve meant to put this up as one of my 43T for a while now, but today, I was reminded exactly why.

I feel pretty repulsive today…crampy, tired, wanting to curl up in bed with a book and a cup of coffee, plus it’s nearly 95° and I want to be nowhere near the outdoors.

But alas, I’m running errands and I’m standing in line at the checkout counter when a particularly stunning boy, about my age, catches my eye. He’s looking at me for reasons absolutely passing understanding and I instinctively held his gaze for just a few seconds before blinking and turning inconspicuously away, no smile, no reaction at all.

Why? I haven’t the slightest idea…it tends to be my natural predisposition to situations like these. Oh, passing glance, two people happen to be looking in the opposite direction at the same time, plus, I couldn’t possibly be mistaken for attractive today, could I?

But this is stupid, essentially. Regardless of whether or not he believed I was cute, I thought he was and so, naturally should have smiled.

Why not, after all?