Write out a vision for my life for a year from now.

I’m happily married, and have my AA. I got a second job, so I work a few hours at each job, which leaves me less bored and less frustrated with what I do. My brother is at the moment clean, and actually has a job, and I hope that he will remain clean after he saves up the money to move out of my parents house. Still working on the stress, as soon as I work past something, two more things crop up to take its place.

and let’s look at how ive reached my vision:

feel prepared to teach kids who need love and a role model-
i feel somewhat prepared. im student teaching, and im learning a lot about kids and how to run a classroom and just how crazy teaching is. it scares me when i get so annoyed with the kids, or when im grossed out by them, because that is not showing them love. i still have a lot to work on. this goal will never be complete, and thats ok.

feel completely professional and grown up-
hm. i do feel professional. i believe i act and appear professionally. grown up? sometimes no. im still very immature. i realize that time and time again with some of the choices i make. sometimes my head isnt on straight, but again, it takes time to grow up.

stop using aim completely.. ugh-
done.

am completely in love with someone new-
well that came and went once over the past year. it didnt look good from the beginning. it was really me testing the possibility of love overcoming complete differences. and someone told me before i was consumed by that relationship that love really doesnt solve everything. and they were right.

have completed many more paintings and crafts-
well, i think ive completed one painting, and maybe a couple other little projects like cards and poems. not a whole lot. pressed some flowers that im going to use in some art.

am a woman that my peers/coworkers look up to and trust-
yes. i think that i am that. and my coworkers are the same to me as well; i trust them, and they are just full of knowledge and support. i think that at work, the four of us are quite a web of love.

have a few new best girl friends-
this year has again shown me that my relationships are not my life. god is my life. friends come and go. i was betrayed, and i think that i needed to experience that, no matter the pain, to be reminded that there is more than whats here on earth. i tend to be consumed by people. certain people, every now and then. this time i tried to balance it, but i was balancing my relationships with people, and not adding god to the mix. im working on healthier relationships now. its better to have no relationships that ones that are killing you spiritually.

have traveled to one new place-
no. :( no time or money or drive to travel right now.

have helped one person come to christ-
i dont believe so. i think that i have not been bold in this goal. i want to be tolerant so that people arent turned off by christianity, but in that i am helping no one. i think that what i have done to complete this goal is just to show people a good example, but i havent even done that well.

so, i suppose i did a decent job with my vision, and fulfilling it. its all about growing and changing in response to the situations i am placed in, and i think at times i resisted that change, but then in others i caught onto what needed to be done. i definitely need a new vision for the future year though!

feel prepared to teach kids who need love and a role model-
i think im a little bit closer. today i finished my third internship, and i had a good experience. i learned some things about teaching i guess :) i still have a lot of learning to do though, but i think that most of it will come when i actually become a teacher.

feel completely professional and grown up-
this is still a struggle. im becoming more independent though. im managing my life better. sometimes. i take responsibility for more things. and professionality, i think im pretty good with. its mostly the part about feeling like an adult that i have a hard time with. i think my parents are really holding me back with this one though. they feel like i should still get permission from them and make them aware of every single thing in my life. its a hinderance.

stop using aim completely.. ugh-
like a said before. so far from using the internet to communicate with people (except email for work and school).

am completely in love with someone new-
mmm hmmmmm. :)

have completed many more paintings and crafts-
eh. not really. i have one painting that is 1/3 done or so, and i have one drawing that needs to be completed in about 3 weeks.

am a woman that my peers/coworkers look up to and trust-
absolutely. well, i still gossip, i do admit. but i am most definitely trustworthy, and a role model. i think so anyways.

have a few new best girl friends-
ugh, i love her. she is my heart song. and my everything.

have traveled to one new place-
still no. hopefully christmas break will let me do some traveling at least around the state.

have helped one person come to christ-
well i have helped one person come back to christ.

A year from now, I’d like to be less stressed, less perturbed by things that don’t matter, and less filled with self-doubt. Ideally, I’d like to have a brother who was on the road to beating his alchohol, drug, and nicotine addictions. I’ll be married to a man I love, and provided I’m doing everything right, have my A.A., and am less than two years away from getting a real job. I’d like to still be with Publix, though I may have to try switching departments. All this money grubing rubs me the wrong way. Maybe grocery… I want to read more, write more, in my journal and otherwise, and figure out more ways to get out of the house on a budget. I want to be a more optimistic person, and to show my husband I love him. I would like him to show it more as well, our busy schedules (well, my busy schedule) leaves me exhausted and grumpy on my days off. I’d also like the money I owe on my credit card to go away.

1. Working in a new job (either in my field in a different province, or something completely different in a completely different country…like working as a tour guide in Thailand…wow. I SO need a change)

2. Debt free (but if I need to incur debt to get a new job, so be it)

3. Tuned into my daily life, and into the habit of doing things that I enjoy and that make me feel good (friends, family, exercise, artsy stuff, good healthy food, keeping on top of responsibilities that might be a bit tedious but are worth keeping on top of as a means to avoiding totally avoidable stress…whew…that’s a mouthful)

4. With a significant other / truly able to say that I am open to the possibility should it come along, as opposed to being jaded and hiding from things (and by ‘things’, I mean ‘people’)

I might re-write this to be…um…shorter. For now, though it stays. I feel inspired. It’s a wordy sort of inspiration, but inspiration nonetheless.

(i hope to)

• have a part time job that pays well enough for me to be more independent from my parents.

• live in an apartment by my own that looks the way i want it to.

• be doing great at the art university. drawing, panting and photographing better.

• have a great professional potographic camera.

• be a hell of a reader.

• do yoga everyday.

• be satisfied with the way i look.

• be doing journalism at the Federal University of my state.

• have given P. a hug.

• keep a constancy in my correspondences.

• have saved money like crazy.
  ____________

i’m trying to simplify my wishes. i’m not going to hope for more happiness or a lover, or anything like that. i’ll stick with what i possibly can get. (oh, that sounded bitter, but that wasn’t what i meant)
so, i guess, this is it.

“these years locked in my drawer
i’ll open to see just to be sure”

- sleep; azure ray.

A year from now:

I want to have my AA,
Be happy
Be married!

lets assess my progress.

by the end of december 2008, i hope that i…

-feel prepared to teach kids who need love and a role model
I feel that I am closer to accomplishing this. This semester has really opened my eyes to my future as a teacher. It is showing me what I can be. I can have an esl class. I can be a successful teacher. I can give kids opportunities, safety, inspiration. I can be a leader in my school, I can be a representative for other teachers and my students. I can be a voice. I can resist the administration and do what I know kids need. I help kids fulfill their potential as learners, readers, and people.

-feel completely professional and grown up
I still feel like I’m 14. Because that’s how old people think I look. I don’t act 14 though. Maybe I am feeling more professional though, as I learn more and more about my profession. I am leaving the darkness and some of my confusion. But ya, I’m still totally confused about a lot of things in regard to teaching.

-stop using aim completely.. ugh
Thank God that phase is over. So done with online chatting.
Now I only have online private speech.

-am completely in love with someone new
Nowhere near completion.

-have completed many more paintings and crafts
What have I created? I have some text I created on my wall, and a half-finished afghan. A notebook of inspiration I’m collecting. A doodle or two. That’s about it. Totally lacking here. I need an extended period of time to actually craft something.

-am a woman that my peers/coworkers look up to and trust
I think that I am one of the more mature people in my job, but I still sometimes leak some gossip hear and there. It’s so tempting to just get in on the hate sometimes. Need to work on shutting up and not talking about stupid crap.

-have a few new best girl friends
Still getting to know them, but I love them already. They are girly and normal, but still a little weird like myself. I’ll be honest, we are a sexy group of girls.

-have traveled to one new place
Definitely no. Homebody. I hopefully will be going out of state to see the baby this summer though. PLEASE.

-have helped one person come to christ
I have identified a couple potentials, but I haven’t really attempted much here. I suck.

Clearly I still have a long way to go on my vision for myself. I just need to work on maturing myself – my words, my goals, my desires. Sometimes I get a little sidetracked or exhausted though. But I think that I can do it.

For whatever reason, 43T says I failed on my challenge on this. So did not. Thumbs down, I say, thumbs down!