Sometimes I can’t believe that this is my life. That I’ve ended up at this place where fucked up girl meets obsession to change. I’m only 20, I’m young and I am getting my life on course, but sometimes I really can’t believe that this is my life. I have two really good friends…one just got arrested for drugs and the other is a single mother…I’m the one in college and doing something with my life, but I know that I could be in either of their places. We grew up together, went through the same life experiences together, so why I am different? Why can’t I be happy that I am not in their position? Why am I so stuck up that I think their position is the end of the world? I get calls in the middle of the night because they need someone to talk to, I get set up with asshole guys, I’m the girl that the old creeper man at a party takes pity on. I’m left to wonder how the hell did I end up here and am I really getting out of it. Maybe I’m just too dramatic, but I feel as if all the crazy, shitty, out there things that could to a person, happen to me. So this is my life and I’m not content with it and I am trying to change, but is that pointless?
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i have a beautiful niece, a loving if not crazy family and a job that i like so i should be content shouldnt i? well i have no really best friends and its been years since i had a boyfriend so i think in order for me to be fully content i need to work on these two things..thats my plan anyway
there are other days where it seems life can NOT go right. the kids the bills the BF, money gets in the way. worries stress meds. I just want to sleep at nite, and dream of happy things. and wake up refreshed, and ready to conquer the day.
somedays are good, I don’t have money like I would like but does anyone? I want things, I need things and OH YEA there is a differncee. money pays for just daily life, paychecks are just something I sign over to some bill….The little things is what I care about, the sunshining in the morning, and both of my kids are happy and smiling, IN the MORNING. holding my BF when he has had a bad day, knowing that I can comfort him. just like he does to me. My babygirl sleeping through the nire, in her own bed. my car that still is running from point a to point b, and sometimes if I’m really good, I can go to point c.
my bills are paid on time, I have food in the fridge and cupboards. I have my health my kids are healthy. I have a roof over my head, love in my heart. That’s more than some. and I feel blessed.
life is going well. not great a little better than good, and sometimes a few drops of bad, but not too long and to often.
kids are both going to school, Mom is too. bf is working and at band pratice, he is content too.
i think the hardest thing is to focus on what u DO have instead of what u dont… find little things to appreciate everyday… good luck!
