get over my panic and anxiety disorders

I’m actually goint to the psychiatrist tomorrow, to get this thing with my diagnosis started, and Im probably gonna talk to her about my panic. For me this is a big step, since last time I went there I didnt even talk. I havent been nervous until today. Hope it’ll leads to me getting my AS diagnose soon.

ok, so Im sitting here all dr4essed to go out, I have to mail some packages which I should have done like two weeks ago, and also do some grocery shopping, but I cant get myself to walk out the door. Instead I get panicky and starts to change my clothes or shoes and suddenly its an hour later. I usually need to set a time, today its 4 pm, in an hour. By this time I should already have left. But since I know its an hour left to 4, Im doing this instead.

Gaaa, its not that difficult to go outside, right. Im doing it now. Im finished, all I have to do is put on my jacket and leave.. Gosh. Something is seriously wrong ere.

Wish me luck.

... I was late to work, and I was shaking from freaking out about it so badly. I was like that the entire time I was at work. It hasn’t continued today, but that’s small consolation for knowing that I will probably lose my job over something really stupid.

I’m applying to Americorps, and they’re asking questions about my motivations and experience with volunteering. I was going into it just to get a job, but I realized something….

I’ve read that my generation has trouble adapting because of self-centeredness, and perhaps that’s part of my problem with anxiety.

I’m too worried about me.

... my counselor, who told me that the “mind trick” I’ve been using makes a lot of sense. He said that many people with anxiety find that it’s a lot less powerful when they stop interpreting it and are able to just experience it and let it be what it is: physiological arousal (not in the sexual sense).

Back of the magazine: guy who’s directing the new Terminator movie (the one with the uber Christian Bale) used to suffer horribly from panic attacks.

He says: “You have to go back to the bat cave, face the bats, and let them wash over you so you can become a bat.”

I’m having some amazing short-term success with this sort of… mind trick. I imagine the fear expressing within me and spreading through me.

.... ‘Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe.’ It’s actually pretty heavy reading, despite the informal title.

.... I’m trying to restructure the way I think about all the things that I have trouble with, like dishes, email, cleaning, leaving the house, etc.

I often have trouble with menial tasks, I’ve determined, because I see nothing on the other side. Therefore, there’s no reason to finish anything, because it’s just one endless road to nowhere.

If I think of it as a long path to creating a better self, then perhaps it all works out…?

... behind on my PM meds. It doesn’t seem to make that big of a difference anyway.

Crud.

been inside for a while and ive decided to go out to a very public place tomorrow and practice my breathing…wish me luck