How I did it: My mother once told me that any fear one might feel limits one's ability to enjoy life to its fullest. Personally, I can say that this is so true - even more true than one might guess in the first moment.
When I was allowed to leave the mental institution at the beginning of 2005, I decided to go back to school (to finish my apprenticeship). I spent the breaks and free lessons doing whatever came to my mind, and once I went to a larger shop in one free lesson I had.
I went upstairs to where the cds are, and listened to them, and afterwards decided it was time to head back to school. I used the escalator to go downstairs, and then I lost my sense of balance, almost fell down the moving stairs and was so scared afterwards to use the rest of the escalators that I panicked and went to the nearest elevator to go downstairs ... And this was the beginning of the fear.
Whenever I faced having to use escalators, my hands would itch like mad. My heart was increasing the rate of beats per minute, and I got dizzy, panicked, and most likely used the elevator ... And there often were those. I hated such situations, and I got into a lot of trouble because of that fear (one psychiatrist of mine yelled at me because of that, because she thought I was "forced to do that because of the voices I heard" ... No, it was a simple phobia; no command from outer space, thank you!)
Anyways, I often was asked by friends and especially family members whether I didn't want to try using an escalator, but I listened to my fear and said no. However, about the time of 2010, I was forced many, many times to use the escalator, and found out it wasn't that bad or even hard. I felt relieved when I arrived downstairs. And this is such a good feeling; I had to try it many more times :).
When I moved to Cologne, I used the moving stairs almost daily. I soon realized that there was nothing that could harm me ... And I kept practicing and facing my fear ... Until now.
I cannot believe how great I am feeling now! It was really worth every attempt! Read how I did it… 4 months ago
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I cannot believe what I am going to write down here now! Personally I think I tackled the goal, as in “I reached it!”. Finally!
I didn’t always keep track of what I did in order to achieve it, except for practicing, practicing and practicing. I don’t even have that many problems with going downstairs or upstairs in larger shops or malls (Where you can find escalators going from higher floors to floors that are still above the ground floor …).
Anyways, I am happy. I think I will write more about this later on, but so far I don’t sense that much of fear when facing the task to use escalators. Actually, I hardly fear it at all …
Thanks to everyone who cheered this goal for so long! It has been six years I lived with this phobia, and now I can say I am free of it and feel even greater than one can believe.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! 4 months ago
Hello, my dears!
Today I tried something for the first time in years probably … I decided to spend some time at a certain bookstore which has four floors (including the ground floor). I went to the second floor from the ground floor by escalator, and even though I did feel scared a lot, I realized it wasn’t that bad when not looking downward.
When I was done with the stuff I wanted to do on the second floor, I went downwards again. And took the escalator, too (but only for the “journey” from the second to the first floor). I must say I was really scared for one little moment in the beginning, but I assume all the training I have done until now did help me in the end, and after one split second the fear was gone.
Now I want to accomplish something to show to myself : Hey, you got rid of your fear finally! ... I want to go upwards and downwards all the escalators in one certain store in Aachen. They have several floors, and usually I took the elevator because I was too scared to take the escalator instead. The moving stairs are really fast there, too, at least for my taste.
So far, I am really proud of myself.
Have a wonderful day!! :) 5 months ago
