leave home

Is it any wonder that I dont want my mum to know that I’m trying to lose weight by doing exercise in the living room, when all she wants to do is find out my inner workings so that she can continue to manipulate me and twist at my inner feelings, to hurt me.

The other day her ‘friend’ told me that I had got big, put on so much weight- and she came bak and told me that. What kind of mother does something like that? A mothers job is to protect, not aggravate or antagonise but this is what she does week after week. Month after month. Year after year. My friend told me that she only told me that because she agrees with what the person said and by telling me what they said she is letting me know it without it seeming that the sentiment is coming from her. So instead of telling me that she thinks Im fat she used the fact that her friend said it as an opportunity to let me know.

She has has done tireless things to antagonize me this week alone. A few days back I cooked some curry, I bought all the ingredients myself and it took time and effort to make it. Despite spending the whole day indoors exercising and washing her hair when she could’ve sorted out her own dinner (my dad did this despite having spent the whole day at work) she decided she wanted some. I said no because she could have made her own meal, but she decided to take some any way because she is a bully and some how feels that she can do what she wants. She even shouted me down about it.

A work man came to bleed the radiators and she let him in my room whilst I was still in bed, half naked. I had to put my head under the covers, it was only for a split second but thats not the point. She then took my wet clothes off of the clothes rack where they were drying in the kitchen and brought them outside my room to put on my bed, just because SHE decided to tidy the kitchen. She goes out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home.

I am tired of dealing with this bullying, manipulative conniving coward who picks on her own daughter but never the people who truly deserve it. Her family are a disgrace. People who have strong opinons about members of their own family when they are going through hard times but never stop to help them. She is just like them all, She always makes statements to try to indirectly belittle me ‘doesnt such and such look good?’ etc. She even had the nerve to say about her friend who said I’d put on weight ‘she always tells the truth though’ as if it makes it right.

Today I said one thing and blew up over it. Shouting in my face, telling me ‘you’re 24 years old and you still live here’ ‘You know nothing about life’ ‘You have no common sense’.
I even once ovver heard her say that I dont want to go to the family get togethers because I am ashamed- thats not true it because they scrutinise me too much. Then she said that I was jealous of my two younger cousins that are six years younger than me and that they are much better than me. I know things can be said in anger but a mother doesn;t talk about her own child like that.

I told her that I feel sorry for her. I do, because she is alienating the only daughter she has and I honestly feel for her if she thinks I am going to be living here forever putting up with her crap. One day I will have my own life and because of her treatment and belittlement of me her part in it wont be all that significant.

I cannot fucking wait to leave this place. My parents are ever more antagonistic, making mental notes of m actions and using it against me. Everything I seem to do is up for scrutiny and yet if I have a dilemma, they always seem to be in agreement with the other party.

It seems they want me to break my back working hard day in and day out without complaining. They have never once said pace yourself you’re young you have our whole life ahead of you.

I spoke to my nan today and she said, aren’t you at work today? I said no and then she said ‘oh you’re going to go tomorrow?’ Then continued ‘you have to take the work when it’s offered to you…’ Now who the fuck has been telling her my business. This crap wouldn’t even be coming out of her mouth if my mum hadn’t been talking behind my back. I cant stand these small minded people that I have to call m immeadiate family. I’ts so sad. I work for an agency so practically I work for myself when I want. I dont undertstand that my parents seem to want me to go out all day everyday putting up with abuse and crap. They wouldnt last five minutes in the line of work that I do…. It just makes me so angry.

I need to get the fuck out of here

I need to get a better job or something, and I guess owning horses doesn’t help much with the money situation – but even so! It seems near impossible.

From what I can see, about the only people from my high school class who have their own houses are the ones that quickly got sprogged up and helped out by the council.

I do not want my own place THAT bad.

I hope that people are happy with their choice/fate/whatever of having kids so young, but it’s not for me. Not sure if I want kids at all actually.

What help do I get though, huh? Why give all the hand-outs to the breeders? It’s just ever so slightly frustrating to me that I’m still stuck at home being treated like I’m 12, whilst the kids of people my age are fast approaching 12.

Yet another pointless argument with my mother again, over something she blew up over. She said that my grandmothers cousin had lied to her about being related to my grandmother through her father when it was indeed through her mother. I said well I doubt she even knew herself and was not deliberately lying. She then proceeded to swithch on me and turned it into a massive row.

She said I was rude and patronising and always leaving her out and cutting her off in conversations with dad. Change the record. All I can see are her own insecurities coming out. She says I’m out to make trouble when she nearly always starts the argument and never relents to let me explain the misunderstanding. She finds me threatening because she didn’t get a good education and has learning difficulties whilst I am fairly intelligent. She doen’t like it.

I really need to do this soon. Once again my relationship with my parents is becoming emotionally abusive and toxic. I fooled myself into thinking things would change and they do, but never for too long. They always end up getting nasty again. I need to get out of here very soon. How could I be so naive?

So I’m 25 and still live at home. I feel ready to be independent, and can’t wait to move out, but don’t have the money right now. I will soon though!

i want to leave home. start off brand new. where no one knows me. make new memories. make a new place i can call ‘home’

I’m not as desperate as I used to be to do this now. It has a lot to do with the fact that I am now single and don’t have the partner who I so wanted to move in with anymore. Since we split I get on so much better with my parents which is a major reason why I wanted to leave in the first pace.

Also the fact that every single job I seem to get is a load of bullshit means I am lucky to have the ability to quit a job knowing that living with my parents I have no responsibiites or bills to pay unless I am actually working.

I have a flat to move into and i’m moving out at the end of October :-)

far behind.