stay focused

I really, really need to rediscover my drive and focus. I think that being sick for a long time changed my priorities and made me take the easy option. I became very insular and distracted, and I definitely lost my ability to concentrate or work for long periods of time.

But I’m healthy now and I need to snap out of it.

At the moment I am not having any luck with this. I pretty much stepped back from what I thought I wanted to do and am back at square one. I feel as aimless as ever. It’s true I haven’t done much to fix my situation for a long time now. The day I decided to move in with my brother and his wife five years ago I thought I would just be helping them out by babysitting my baby nephew until he was big enough and they found a reliable person to care for him. A lot has happened since then, with the addition of my two-year old (soon to be three-years old) niece.
All my life I have always had a “caretaker” role. People feel they can trust me and they have always counted on me on being the “responsible one”. I don’t expect anything in return, but I do believe it is good karma helping out where I can, if I can. Looking back on it now I don’t want to say I regret putting off fixing my life. But I feel I should have done things differently. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little nephew and little niece dearly. I love them with all my heart, like they were my own kids. But yeah I realized that I always want to be there for them and my family and try to do what’s right, something my brother and I think our father never did for us. Our father wasn’t exactly the best of role models but I always tried to see past his faults because after all he is my dad. Lord knows our uncle (his brother) and my grandmother (his mother) tried their best to help repair our distant relationship with our father.
Right now I honestly don’t know what I want to do. I still feel like I did 5-6 years ago. Lately I have been thinking about California, Florida, South America. I think about calling up my father’s side of the family and see if I can stay with one of my uncles and find something to do with my life. Or I think about maybe hooking up with my old high school friend down in Miami and find something to do down there. All of these ideas seem like escapist ideas I know but honestly my mind is numb from worrying and not finding any direction in my life. I have to re-map my life. Here’s to making (realistic) plans that stick.

Trying to maintain who I am and my sense of self during this trying period in my life

i would be seriously surprised if i could finish this sentence..
how do i work on a goal like this?

Focus, Focus, Focus! Keep on telling myself to focus on me,and my needs right now. I have focused on others so long, this is a new concept

I must maintain a focused attitude and stick with it. I get so lost and caught up with what someone else is doing and I lose way too much focus. Instead of me being attentive to my needs, I lose sight of that and get wrapped up in their needs, hence I lose focus.

No need to explain, I have the Eye of the Tiger now

I’ve deleted a load of stale goals from my 43things list, to freshen it up for the new year. Lots of stuff has been there since I opened the list, and I can always reopen goals later if I need to. I’m keeping all the long term stuff and that bits that are still relevant, but my list needs to be current, or the whole principle will be neglected.
I’m staying focused on the doable.

- Never ever drift away from what am I doing …
- allocate certain period of time to take care of my other
interests, like research on the linux kernel, learning another
language
- my current focus should be on FINISHING UP THESIS !!

one of my major flaws as a person