follow through

...for whatever reason, I really hate making plans, at least in the way I’ve tried to make them, ie. “work out schedule” etc. I’m just not into – being my own boss lady, I suppose. Yes, I want to be disciplined and healthy – and I am, for the most part. But this and nothing else I have ever done or achieved has been motivated or actualized by “forcing” myself to do it. I’m motivated by what I want to do, and its a strong motivation when I’m clear about what I want. If I want something, I’ll just naturally practice it. I mean, when I stopped smoking, it was because I didn’t want to smoke anymore. And then it just stopped making any sense, and I didn’t do it, and it wasn’t hard for that reason. Whenever I tried to “force” myself – oh, I would for awhile, but I’d always give myself permission to give into the urge.

It just seems stupid to treat myself like a moron or infant – not to insult either – I just want to know what I want, and do it. Following through means this, and not “making plans” etc.
I want to get really clear about what I want, and then I know damn well I’ll follow through. I always have, I always do, as a matter of pride and principle and character. But I’m not going to be my own damned whipping boy.

I’m very proud to say that my follow-through has been very good lately. My tardiness isn’t fully cured, but I’m getting much better at accepting invitations to things and not backing out at the last minute because I was too lazy or uninspired to be social.

I think my problem is that sometimes I fear too much what other people will think of me. Before, if I was running late, I would drag myself even more until I was very late, then I would worry about what people would think of me for being so late, and then I’d just call and say I couldn’t make it.

Now, I try to focus on what people will be saying AFTER I attend an event. I’d rather have them talk about how good it was to see me and have memories to talk about at future gatherings. I like being included. I don’t like being left out. And flaking on people is a good way to get you on the “don’t bother calling” list.

I’m pretty sure I’ve succeeded in reaching my goals on this related to my social life. There are also some other components, like updating blogs that I’ve started and finishing general projects.

So there’s good news and bad news… The gratitude blog is still abandoned, as is my personal LiveJournal. I think I wrote one entry on LJ in the past 6 months, and I feel bad, but not too bad because I know not a lot of people read it to begin with. On the positive side, I have started an inspirational Tumblr that I post in every 2 days. I’ve been doing this, without fail, for almost 2 months. Because of my diligence I’ve been featured in the Tumblettes section and landed on Inspired Magazine’s list of “Top 50 Most Inspirational Tumblelogs” and gained quite a few new followers.

Need to get moving on my workout plans, and buy a scale. Need to set up a writing schedule of some kind, and brainstorm on my goals. Need to go through my writing, and see what is worth sending out. Need to research funding opportunties.

I procrastinate. But when I do take action I have the tendency to multi-task a lot. This is where the problem comes in, I usually get too impatient such that I want to finish everything at the same time only to end up with nothing finished at all!

This is the second Waterloo in my character and I hope that I’ll be able to follow through this time by learning the urgency of following through everything I start.

I have a pattern of starting things but not finishing, or not putting the work in. Most of the things I want to do (write a novel, get better at French horn, lose weight) just take WORK, and I have a hard time doing it. I want the goal, I REALLY want the goal. But I don’t take the steps to make it happen.

unbelievable, yeah? i wrote the lyrics & animated this video:
(why can’t i embed video!?) LAST YEAR’S MODEL FOR VICE PRESIDENT!

usually i have an idea and never do anything with it. this time i brought it up to the band, nagged them about it, recorded some vox as a demo, etcetc and then obsessed over the video for three days. i felt really good while working on it & was so excited when it was finished. maybe a little manic. like i had created the best, smartest, most hilarious animation about the election ever.

i need to remember that finishing projects is fun.

Wow. I meant to update this a lot more often than every 6 months. I guess you could say I’m getting better at my follow-through. More often than not I’ve attended social gatherings to which I was invited and have even successfully planned a few myself. The last time I can honestly remember flaking on anyone was a few weeks ago, when one of my best friends casually invited me out after work and I told him “I’d try to make it” but ended up just staying in for the night because I was “tired” and didn’t want to spend $35 on a cab ride.

So yeah, I’m getting better!

With some things I follow through and others I have difficulty meeting. I’m retiring this goal, but hope to address this challenge through my Review Goals goal…

I’m looking forward to babysitting for crazy mom today. :)

Getting balance and being realistic in my expectations is a major challenge. Sometimes modifying my goal is a partial answer. Sometimes finding inspiration is important. Also, getting organized would help. Discipline in babysteps is frequently needed. This entry is just helping to clear my head and move forward.