get over her

Right so heres my problem

I’d been going out with my ex for 7-8 months…not long I no

I was in a relationship for 3 years before her and never felt about her like I did about this new girl

So we split up about 4 weeks ago
Ive tried everything to win her back and got nothing
Presents
Cards
Letters
Emails
Texts
Romantic Gestures…..Nothing
Finally she told me to stop and give up….which broke my heart even more

I no after time ill move on but its extremly hard
Ive deleted her number
every message and text from her
and deleted her facebook

This pain sucks but I no I’ll move on

This time I mean it!
I want Kids, I want to be a mom. She doesn’t- her only son is 12 and she is finished. I said we could just have an in home daycare, she doesn’t want this either. We just want different things. We are different people.

No other way to say it…

WASTED TIME by: Me’Shell NdegéOcello
You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into another’s arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who won’t love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

In my fantasy you are asleep beside me
I feel you breathe
If only I could be there for you
The one that you make love to

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who won’t love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

I’ve been in love with Kansas since October 2006. We live in two different states but far too close to have only met in person once (Nov 2006). Its nothing physical but I love everything about her. I can not count the times I have proposed (and meant it!!!) I wanted to give up Africa, I wanted to give up everything, just to make her mine. But she’s never been real with me. Never told me that she loved me. She doesn’t deserve me. I always say I’m moving on. That this is nothing and there is no reason it should occupy so much of my time… and then she calls—-

I have someone else now, but yet I still can’t get over her completely.

Maybe I never will. Songs like “What’s a Man To Do” by Usher don’t offer much help.

I wonder if I’m deluding myself for thinking that she still has feelings too.

3 cheers so far.

It’s already been a year. I thought time heals but not for this.

Just get a f*ing life already.

I know its for the best yet I still cant give it up.

Your head say one thing yet your heart the opposite.

What shits me is that I do meet alot of wonderful ladies out there.Wtf?

No point pointing fingers.

No point being hard on myself.

Just have to be patient with me.

Accept myself.

Accept my life.

Accept the universe.

Accept :)

Okay, so this Sarah Fischer girl. She’s just… amazing. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I drive her back to her car, since her friend takes her to where we all work. We spent like an hour and a half listening to music, singing to each other right outside our work. Eventually, I took her to her car, where we spent another two or so hours talking, never running out of things to say. I haven’t had that kind of conversation since… Ana.

She’s cute, blonde, sweet, and very intellectual. She has an amazing sense of humor. Actually, her sense of humor is probably terrible, just like mine. She’s really nice, and she seems to be just as fascinated with me as I am with her. The problem is that she leaves for college in like 5 months… That would just be a mess.

BUT! She’s going to college like 30 minutes from where I am. Even if this doesn’t head for a relationship now or later, she’ll be a GREAT friend now, and throughout college.

I’ve made a lot of progress lately. But yesterday, I depressed myself pretty badly with something I’d forgotten about.

In August, 2008, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I was given prescription Vicodin (well, generic hydrocodin). While I was on the drugs, Ana and I had a huge fight, so, already under the influence, I took about 5 more pills. Yeah… overdose. She tried to call me to work things out, but I was too messed up on Vicodin to answer. When I didn’t answer, she drove out to my house (made a 20 minute drive in 12 minutes) to make sure I was okay.

She came in and found me, sitting on the floor, against the wall. She ran to me, knelt down next to me and threw her arms around me, crying. I was still pretty out of it. She was sobbing, apologizing to me, telling me how worried she was about me. I didn’t say anything back…

Then, I passed out. I just kinda… fell over sideways. She started sobbing harder, and pulled me back up and held me against her until I woke up again—2 hours later. She sat on the floor with me, holding my unconscious body for 2 hours until I woke up…

That’s a memory that will make it a lot harder to get over her. That was proof of how much she cared, and makes it harder to accept the fact that she just… Doesn’t anymore. Ugh. Snap out of it, you son of a bitch…

After posting, I just read an entry by “ardilla,” up there from the “How I Did It” section. Go read it.

I’ve always thought, “If I had the opportunity to go back in time and make damn sure that I never met this girl, so I never had to experience the pain of losing her, would I?”

I thought the answer would be yes. But, you know what? I learned a LOT from that relationship. I agree with Ardilla. I became a better person because of that relationship, and it sucks that I can’t share it with the girl that I loved and had such a huge impact in my life.

It sucks. It really does, because I would’ve been happy to be with her forever. But… Hey. That’s life. That’s all I can say. All I can do is hope to dear God that I find someone like her that wants me more than she did someday. Who knows.

I guess there’s nothing I can do, and I have to accept that. Acceptance. That’s my main challenge right now.

Acceptance and direction. That’s what I need. I feel kind of lost. Do I join the Marines, or do I go to college? How long do I wait until I give up on love?

I guess I always liked to have a plan. I always like to know where my life is going. Again, I have to ACCEPT that I’m clueless on this earth. I’m walking through my journey of life; the earth isn’t moving under me. I’m just a 17-year-old kid. I shouldn’t be expecting to know it all…

I’m finally… FINALLY starting to feel like I’m going to be okay. I’m still sad, but that’s okay. I have reason to be. I was terribly hurt by someone I loved more than anyone in the world. But there will come a day where I’ll be less sad. I’m sure of it.

Acceptance and direction. Acceptance and direction…

I’m to a point where I can actually hang out with my friends again. I can talk to people. I can laugh, smile, and have fun with my friends. But after my friends leave, and I’m alone, I start thinking, “Well, that was fun. I didn’t even… think about Ana that whole time…” Then, boom, I’m depressed again as soon as my friends are gone. So, I’m okay as long as I’m not alone.

I’ve been watching That 70’s Show a lot lately. The episodes where Eric and Donna break up are actually pretty helpful. There’s one thing that Red said that actually got to me.

“Eventually, there came a day when I didn’t think about her as much. Then, there came a day when I hardly thought about her at all. Then THAT made me sad. But here I am today, and I’m fine.”

I guess all I can do is keep waiting for those days…

Okay, so… I’m 17. I dated a girl for a long time. About a year and a half. We were truly, honestly in love. But she’s such an insecure person! Her dad left her, and because of that, she needs 100% security. She needs Superman. And when our relationship went through major turbulence, I got scared. I faltered, and she dropped me like a rock because I wasn’t Superman.

She’s totally different now, too. She’s not even the same person I fell in love with in the first place. Less than a month after we broke up, she was already seeing another guy.

I started drinking a LOT, and all the while, convincing myself that I didn’t remember her. The mind is a very powerful thing. So… I forgot all about her, but for some reason, I didn’t stop drinking, and I didn’t even know why I was doing it.

Today, one of my friends gave me her (my ex’s) number since she still had my movies, and I texted her. I didn’t know who I was talking to. I asked for a name and an address, and she freaked out. She sent me a picture of herself, and it all came rushing back in a heap of pain. She screamed at me, and she hurt me really badly.

She rubbed her new boyfriend in my face. She said.

“It’s over.
Stop pretending.
Move on.
Find someone else.
I did.”

At that point. I hated her. So, I said, “You know what? I wasn’t pretending. I got you out of my head, and it felt great. So have a nice life. Bitch.”

I guess she went to her boyfriend then, and he called me wanting to fight. I don’t really care. He can come fight me if he wants.

She’s… She’s not the sweet girl I knew anymore. She’s totally different. She’s 16, and she’s dating a guy who’s out of high school. What an idiot.

So, now, I’m 17. I’m an alcoholic, clinically depressed, and borderline suicidal. I have a year until I turn 18 and can legally go to the military, so I have a year to get over her. If I’m still like this by 18, I’ll go to the military and try to get killed in combat.

She’s not the same. So why can’t I move on? What the fuck is wrong with me? WHY. CAN’T. I. MOVE. ON.

She was my first love, and we both lost our virginities to each other. God… I’ll never really forget her. That was probably pretty unhealthy to try to do. But what do I care? I don’t give a shit about myself anymore; I’m not trying to take care of myself anymore…

I need help. Maybe even therapy.