Was hard to do – but 3 years after breakup (initated by me) I met the woman I went on to marry and managed to wean myself off addled memories of time together, so I wasn’t hooked to a nostalgic interpretation of the relationship. Meeting someone new who can become THE other person in your life massively helped, simply trying to push down memories through distractions (hobbies, tv, music, etc) doesn’t always work if they were very important to you.
One thing to ask yourself is whether they were really the person for you – the person who loved you for you, and if they were someone you’d be happy to be with for the rest of your life. Realising they aren’t can massively help. It did for me! 3 years ago
Tell me how will I fall in love like that again? 10 months ago
My ex was not who I thought she was – I don’t think that person ever really existed – just an idealized someone I made up in my head. We are all guilty of this – we place too much emphasis on the positive qualities of someone we love thus ignoring the realities of the other person. 12 months ago
Well, we planned to meet, but she forgot about it and helped her flatmate to move out instead. When I offered to meet via SMS some time later, she did not reply. I’ve been disappointed about that and a bit confused, since she asked if I liked to meet before she forgot. Maybe I’m in the category “would be OK to meet, but is not important” for her.
Well, that quite some time ago now. I’m still a somewhat disappointed how things went, but I rarely think or worry about it. So I can think I achieved the goal of getting over her. 16 months ago
How I did it: I actually really didn't have to try on this goal because while I was researching her I found something that didn't make me like her anymore and my fantasy about her was instantly ruined. :| But turned out to be a good thing because I don't care about her anymore. :) She is just like anyone else and I don't need to strive to be anyone except the best that I can be. Read how I did it… 17 months ago
I have sort of an obsession with this girl I met a year ago. I try to emulate her, and be her, and get into her obsessions. I wish I was as pretty as her and I wish I WAS her. I guess I am a stalker, but not in a dangerous sense. I know where she lives, what schools she goes to and other information I should not know in reality. I have dreams about her and I just feel like the world would be better if I WAS her or if we were friends, but it’s just a fantasy in my head. I just need to let it go. It’s ruining my life. Seeing her just brings back painful memories unrelated to her even. I need to grow comfortable back in my shoes. 17 months ago
I’m curious how that will feel. Also there are some questions I’d like to aks. I’m wondering whether it’ll be appropriate to ask. 19 months ago
I am the type of person that gets over people fairly quickly.For example I was once in a relationship with a girl for a year and 2 months I even lived with her.And I got over her in less than 2 -3 weeks. Then after that I met this beautiful girl named Stephanie. Everything about her is just so great. We broke up like 2 weeks ago.She is the shortest relationship I have ever been in. I was with her for 3 amazing months. I have never felt such sadness in my life. My chest feels heavy all the time and I cant stop thinking about her. I work with her also so I see her at least 2 times a week. Nowadays every time I go to work I get nervous and feel sick. I don’t understand why I cant get over her. I was only with her for a short period of time but she made such a great impact. She wants to be friends. But I honestly cant see that happening anytime soon . I need to get over her first but deep down I really don’t want to get over her. 20 months ago
I haven’t seen her for 2 months and I didn’t have any contact with her for more than a month. While I still would like to be with her, I don’t feel like I need to and I can be happy without her. I also don’t think of her that often and usually only for a quick thought.
We left on friendly terms and wanted to stay friends. So I’m wondering whether it’s time to meet again and be friends. Do you think it’s a good time to do that? 20 months ago
(see http://www.43things.com/people/progress/endoffile/4352577 for previous entries)
There are no sudden changes in my feelings, but every day it hurts a little bit less, I spend a bit less time thinking of her and things seem more normal. I didn’t even think of her until I’ve been awake for more than three hours, which is a new record. 21 months ago
So without going into too much detail we got back together briefly but again there was no real commitment. I eventually started to feel like my gut was telling me I needed to break it off and after procrastinating for several weeks I finally did. It’s only been a few days, but I’m at peace with it right now and I think I made the right choice.
We had a pretty decent connection and it would be nice if we could be friends but I think I would always want more, would be jealous of other guys, and it would likely cause me not to pursue new relationships or focus on improving myself as much as I should. 21 months ago
Well, it isn’t over yet, turns out. Didn’t see that coming. This goal is on hiatus. To be continued? . . . 22 months ago
I think it’s really over for a while now. She wanted to be friends then got all mad at me because I didn’t want to, essentially.
I’m really disappointed its been over a month and this girl still is occupying a great deal of my thoughts. I think it means I’ve got a lot more work to do before I’m really in a confident and secure place personally. I had thought I was doing pretty well before I met her, but I think being with her just superficially boosted my confidence and well-being. 22 months ago
It’s still a bit tough, I have to admit. I think I know it’s really over now, so that should help. 23 months ago
It’s been a week. That should be close to enough time, let’s move on. 23 months ago
I highly recommand this book of Susan J. Elliott !
My breakup turns out to be the best thing that ever happend to me :)
I am now in healthy realtionship with a great woman 2 years ago
it always helps to just take a random girl home from a party. 2 years ago
we just talked on the phone for a first time in a while. she doesnt think about me anymore. i’m glad we broke up because there’s someone else in my life anyways. but i still remember the beautiful things that bloomed between our irises, the butterflies that flittered from our hands when they clenched one another. 2 years ago
i made the mistake of talking to her again. i got used to her warm presence, her support. it didn’t end well and now i’m coping with loss all over again.
i’ve been looking forward to reuniting with her. it’s been a beacon through the darkest of times, the light towards which i’ve been trekking through unlit landscapes of loneliness. i would’ve had to give up a lot career-wise (and maybe spiritually) to be with her, but i was prepared. now i need to refocus, readjust. i need to bury my dreams of her. 2 years ago