be more considerate of others

I unwittingly hurt people I care about. I’m an idiot…

sometimes its like prying open my rib cage with pliers, to have to stop thinking about myself and my problems and listen, really listen, to what someone else is trying to communicate.

I’m selfish.
I fuck everything up.
I’m wrapped up in my own stupid little world.
It’s just take, take, take with me. Don’t expect to get anything in return.

Why don’t I just give up on this? I’m a pathetic self centred little bitch and I quite clearly am never going to change. And now he’s gone there’s no point even trying…

_{I so don’t want to be here anymore :’(}

well, I guess I was… I am… but yesterday I slipped up.

Without going into details, it wasn’t anything major, but I still feel bad about it :(

*sigh*

there are the simple things to do that make people feel good, like calling them if you know theyve been sick or done something big (job interview, etc) to see how they are doing. this is something i should be more conscious of.

a friend of mind shared this realization to me a while ago, and i think about this alot. something along the lines of “no need to worry so much. people dont think about you very much; they are too busy thinking and worrying about themselves.”

i dont mean to be contradictory, but thinking about this idea in relationship to this goal i wonder if being more open and honest to and about yourself that you want out of situation IS being more considerate of others. considering yourself – straightforward and honest (really honest, that is, easier said than done) – is the larger part of being considerate of others.

stop being so thoughtless and inconsiderate – but I don’t know how to change. I don’t even mean to hurt people, and I do try not to… but sometimes I let my guard down, and then do something that upsets someone without me even realising it. I find it so difficult to think about the way every single thing I do will effect others. I don’t know, maybe it’s impossible.

I just want to make the people I love happy, but I always end up doing the opposite :(

Why do I act so inconsiderately at times? I hurt the people who I love without even realising it. I’ve hurt my parents before and they’ve always forgiven me, they’ve always got over it, but now I’m realising that not everyone does. I just act without thinking of the consequences, the effect it’s going to have on others, or the way people are going to interpret my actions and then I expect them to get over it and treat me normally just like that.

It’s not normal… maybe I’m a bad person, maybe I have a twisted sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. I just don’t know anymore…

Why can’t I get anything right? Why do I ruin EVERYTHING?! :(

For me- my problem is letting a guy get close to me and then turning him down. My last relationship was a bad one, and I now have trouble letting people into my life. The last two people that could I could have had a relationship with I turned away once things starting getting more serious, and I think I hurt them both (although I warned them that I wasn’t ready to get into anything quite yet). I feel really terrible about it, and I think I have destroyed at least a possible friendship. I really need to keep in mind others feelings before letting things get to far when I know I tend to do that.

Thinking of others helps me not to take myself so seriously.