Care less about what people believe of me

I think this is sufficiently ingrained that I can count it as done. It really only took a short bout of lucidity to realise how easy and necessary this is.

And it now happens completely naturally.

I have probably seriously upset a ‘friend’.

But she wouldn’t leave me any space. Previously, she’d forced an issue and not allowed me space – we blew up, we made up, I explained and everything was ‘ok’. But once again, I went for space, she decided to dive in and ‘fix’ it. I was worried about what she might say to other friends, and what they might think of me, but in the end when my chest is boiling with tension and my soul is screaming to be allowed to act naturally… well, I said what had to be said.

She shouldn’t have forced the issue, and acting with conviction I got on with what had to be done. I don’t care what anyone believes about me, or any fall out – not one of them knows the full story.

The tension has gone, and I don’t regret it. My contemplation ensures that I know I did the right thing.

It’s tough to do, but survival of the self is very important right now. When others give me the respect I give them, they receive utmost consideration. When they trample on my sensibilities, I bite back – and if that makes them believe I’m a bad person, so be it.

I saw the goal Care less about what people think of me and I just can’t buy into that idea. I do care what people think. If I’m boring, I want to know so I can modify my behaviour. If I wear ridiculous fashion, I want to know what people think and modify my wardrobe.

However, there is something in there to be taken out and used… and that’s what people ‘believe’ about me. There is no way I can control that. I can do my best to do the right thing, but if someone wants to get the wrong impression through their own misreading of my intention, or from information given to them by others, then actually – I don’t care. Or shouldn’t care.

So that’s the basis of this goal. Those times when I do something nice for someone and they misunderstand my intention and it blows up… well, you know… I know why I was doing it, I can just let go. If I show humility and someone sees it as weakness, then does it matter to me? No. It will be their problem later when they expect more ‘weakness’ from me and don’t see it.

Yeah… this is one of those underpinning goals, I think.