simply love myself

I hope someday I can love myself again. My ex fiance just left me for another girl who he just met last month. We were about to apply for a spousal visa (international relationship) and we had been in a long distance relationship for 14 months up to now. The girl he left me for was from the same country as me. This hurts. I am sitting here alone at my parents’ house now to find a way to love myself again.

:)

I have never been single.. well until lately.. I always give my heart and soul to a man and end up broken and left a lone,. I am so scared to love myslef that I feel the emptyness with a new love…. I have never dated around our found my true self.. I am like the movie run away bride.. I have had 4 long relationships in my life time and I am only 22 about to be 23.. I want to love and be loved so bad that I have a hard time just loving myslef.

I turned 22.

I think I’m okay with growing older. It’s strange because i’ve always admired older women for their wisdom and strength. I think they’re so beautiful.

I don’t know…

From a journal entry; 2004

I think too much at times, travel too far deep inside of myself, into the darkness, unready to face the demons that lurk there giggling like mad children. So I leave them, and walk away, isolated in my confusion. I know that in order to truly be happy, I must begin to not only recognize these horrible facets within myself, but to familiarize myself with them, to even befriend them: the first step in the scary process of learning to love myself.

I now realize that this is a fluid art, constantly changing and evolving because I am constantly changing. I must learn to love all of the new mes as well as the five-year-old girl so full of innocence, the carefree and boycrazy twelve-year-old, the melancholy and unsure nineteen-year-old, and the person I am now at age twenty-two. How do I go about connecting all of these threads of myself together in order to weave a blanket of self-love? I’ve never learned how to completely love myself despite my flaws, or because of them.

It is sometimes much too easy to fall in love with someone, especially those undeserving of love. It is much too easy to become blind to the things you hate about the one you love because you are filled with love for them. The hardest thing someone can ever do is to simply learn how to love themself.

There is a resistance for me…