Be there for my wife

I don’t think this will ever be “complete” complete, but we’ve been through the worse, and we know what to expect in the coming weeks/months, so we’re prepared.

She’s working again, and with the same company that laid her off six months ago, so that’s good.

We know now that the muscle pain and aching she has experienced as of late is not Lupus or MS, but is fibromyalgia, which sucks, but at least is not as serious as initially thought, and can eventually be managed to a good degree.

And, in addition to our remaining adult cat, we have added a male kitten into the mix in the hopes that the female cat would take him under her wing, but the kitten beats him up like our male cat used to do. But we love him anyway and we can’t imagine our house without him.

So, it’s mostly good.

Just as I was about to mark this off as “complete,” as my wife seems to have everything together and life is good, we hit another roadblock.

In early June, our beloved male cat was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and we had to make the decision at that point not to have him undergo the removal surgery. Cost issues aside, he was ten years old, and we didn’t want to put him through an extensive surgery that would take a long time for him to recover, and possibly not even with a decent quality of life, not to mention the possibility of the tumor returning at some point. So, we were given steroid pills for him, and told that while the steroid would relieve the pressure the tumor would put on his brain, in time it would become less effective, and ultimately, stop working altogether.

For a time, our cat was back, being just as ornery and obnoxious and lovable as ever, though sometimes a bit sleepier than he’d been in the past, and occasionally with an off day where he would just sit and stare, but for the most part, he was back with us. At one point, we had to increase his steroid dosage a bit, but that was to be expected.

About two weeks ago the bottom fell out, and his condition began to deteriorate a bit. We played with his medicine dosage, but to no real avail. Unfortunately, right in the midst of this came our long-planned trip to Las Vegas, complete with non-refundable airfare and hotel accomodations, so we reluctantly went and had a good time while my father-in-law helped out with the cat. When we called, he just told us that the cat was a bit “tired” but otherwise fine. He was sparing us the details.

We came home last Sunday night to a cat who didn’t recognize us at all, could just barely move, and stared out into space for long periods of time. Finally, at one point he rolled over, obviously recognized us, and gave us “the look” that told us he knew it was time. The next day, my wife took him to the vet, and he was gone.

She has held up remarkably well, up to and including taking him to the vet all by herself (I volunteered to go with her, but she knew I really was in no position to take time off work at that point and that her dad could help her if need be, though ultimately she even turned down that assistance), but it’s still been a bit rough for both of us. But, I’m here for her to cry on if need be (and there’s been the need), so I can’t quite mark this off yet.

For those of you who don’t follow me regularly, a brief recap …

We moved to Virginia because my wife got a promotion offer she couldn’t refuse, with a substantial raise and a chance to return to her home area. What followed was a good few months of aggravation and fighting amongst our families, etc, but in the end we made it down here, and despite living with our in-laws while we tried in vain to sell our house in Ohio (which, thanks to the economy is overpriced and undervalued now), it’s been more-or-less good. We ultimately decided to hang onto the house in Ohio for now and rent it until the market picks up a bit, and we’ve found renters, and life was looking up.

“Was” being the keyword here.

On Tuesday, my wife got laid off.

There’s been an avalanche of emotions here right now about this. I’m mad because in essence this somewhat negates the last eight months of our lives and we could’ve stayed in Ohio with mostly the same results and less hassle. But I’ve mostly moved past this. My wife is naturally upset because she has loved her job and her company and harbors no resentment towards them. Her severance is rather generous (although the almost immediate end of health care is total bullshit), and between that, unemployment, my salary, and tax refunds she’ll be able to take some time to find a new job that she actually wants and she won’t just have to take the first thing offered.

But, this also triggers a good portion of my wife’s anxiety and depression issues, and we’ve had several arguments for absolutely no reason whatsoever this past week. I try to let it roll off of me, but it’s very difficult sometimes.

I’m just trying to be the best husband I can be right now and help her however possible. I just wish I knew exactly how to do this.

I went to a meeting for her Wednesday, and she’d asked me to check on one specific thing. I was too involved with my own ideas, and didn’t do the one thing she asked me to do.

To be there for her, I need to really listen to her.

Her dad has early to mid-stage Alzheimer’s, and the family is having a hard time dealing with everything. Her parents live about five hours away, so it’s hard for us to be there. I need to find new ways to support her.