I’m sucking again…god I hate this 3 weeks ago

Need to stop! 2 months ago

I mini-binged… 2 servings of 4 bean salad, and a serving of chicken. That wouldn’t be too terrible, but then my mom brought me Taco Bell. sigh5 months ago

I haven’t binged today. I’m praying I can keep it up. 5 months ago

I JUST realized it’s past midnight! Do you know what that means?? I DIDN’t binge yesterday!!! It’s a frigging miracle! I haven’t had a binge free day in a long time. Proud. 5 months ago

i’ve been doing badly. i do better when there’s not so much variety around. 7 months ago

i see now i’m going to have to start writing a food journal to keep track of how much food i consume. just the volume of it in print is what i am hoping will shock me into sensibility. sometimes i forget what i eat and wake up with that drunken hangover effect, trying to reflect on what happened the previous night. then, feeling shame and regret, i go on thinking how i need to change my ways, and vow that THAT was the LAST TIME! yeah right.
i think also i need to stop looking in the mirror at my body and the damage my weight gain has done to it. i’ve been obsessing about that lately, the stretch marks and loose skin. it only makes me more depressed and i emotionally eat. i have enough to worry about without adding stretch marks to that list. 10 months ago

mondays have been rough because of some unexpected responsibilities. i don’t have time for myself and feel constantly stressed. among other things, i ate a whole bag of chips and they weren’t even my chips, they were my sister’s. i knew what i was doing when i did it and felt terrible and disgusting the whole time. hopefully in july i will have my mondays back to normal. i need to get back on the fat flush. 11 months ago

yesterday was ok. i didn’t eat right up to the point of falling asleep, but i did have a lot of calories kind of late at night. i have a feeling tonight may be ok also. 11 months ago

yesterday was pretty awesome. i ate 3 meals, drank my tea at night, and went to bed. no midnight madness. i was slightly tempted, but was still so full from dinner and tired from exercising that i just thought for a moment about it and didn’t give in. it was pretty easy since i was so full and tired. 11 months ago

i’ve been enjoying my warm apple tea before bedtime in lieu of raiding the kitchen. it has no spice, just the flavor of apple and black tea so i doesn’t feel wintery. and i add the tiniest bit of sugar-free sweetener. also i chew gum almost every night. i’m trying for consistency. i feel like i’m a smoker trying to stay away from nicotine. it drives me mad sometimes; trying to keep away from the snacking b4 bed. i call it my midnight madness.
i remember spending the night at my bf’s and not being able to raid the kitchen at night. i wouldn’t dare do that in front of him or anyone else. i would be horrified. so i lay in bed thinking about how i’m going to get through the night. it wasn’t easy. and its not just the nights that are hard. during the day, when i’m not at work, i make that kitchen my bitch. its terrible.
so i’ve been doing the gum and tea and will see how the rest of the night goes. 11 months ago