fear only fear itself.

And the god that has chosen me is Tyr, the wonderful Nordic god of sacrifice for the greater community, courage, and war. And I am at war with the fears within. He is also the god of spiritual endeavors.

It should be an interesting month.

I am taking L-tryhtophan, and I noticed I am less fearful, which I suspect could be due to enhanced serotonin levels. It is interesting, because in most people it puts them to sleep, but it wakes me up. Strange brain chemistry, like Ritalin calming down hyper kids, even tho it’s speed.

I realize my fear is perfectionism placed onto the future. I cannot control everything, or the outcome, so I wallow in it while even having daydreams of the ‘perfect’ outcome. This keeps me from living in the moment, and I don’t do anything to make my life better in the here and now cause I’m so busy using my time, energy, resources, in fear.

Perfectionism is the vampire in my life. I can drive a stake through it’s cold little heart.

One BabyStep at a time, peace is mine in 2009!

fits this perfectly. Discipline! Just do it, even if I fear it.

I am also using my prayer beads every day and chanting this and also EFT. And I’m already noticing a difference. I tell myself to just do it, even if I can’t control the outcome, at least I showed up!

Went to a AA meeting today, and it was about fear: how ironic. Talking about:

FEAR: False Expectations Appearing Real
FEAR: Flee Everything And Run
FEAR: Face Everything And Recover

I have heard these things many times before, but today it really sank in. Then one lady shared about how fear for her arises when she can’t control the outcome, and that statement was the proverbial clue-by-four for me: I want to run and hide if I don’t know what will happen. So the answer is to face things that are uncertain without expectations.